It's my wedding night. I'm all alone.

[IsThisReallyHappening]

Today I got married.

This afternoon we arrived at our hotel to stay the night.

On arrival I checked my facebook to see some congratulation messages.

One message was not quite what I was expecting.

My 'husband' cheated on me 8 weeks ago.

I'm now sat here alone. On my wedding night. My 'husband' is gone.

I'm pregnant too.

I already have a child with him.

What the actual fuck has just happened to my life?

I feel trapped.

Please don't do anything about the baby just yet you need time to adjust and process all this. See Gp tomorrow as planned but you need a sick line for now, nothing more.

I'm in so much pain right now.

More 'facts' keep coming to my door.

I can't handle much more of this.

And where is my 'husband'? No one knows. He refuses to answer the phone. The spineless bastard.

I'm getting close to telling the world what he has done. I've been pushed to my edge of keeping it together.

My DS1 asked if he could punch him. He also said he would like to call him something he isn't allowed to say. It starts with d and rhymes with ick. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Laugh.

I have just read the whole thread, what a shit, shit situation.

Bless your young lad xx

What facts keep coming are you finding out more about 'them'

So sorry this has happened detective

Laugh and be proud of your DS1 for understanding what an utter cock your "H" is.

You must tell people, you need the support and in all honesty, it's better to get "your side" of it out there before he does, if you can.

I've been in a similar position except mine fecked off before we actually got married and I wasn't pg. I had to cancel everything, he wasn't bothering his arse over it! but everyone was so kind, they really were. I even managed to get my PT job 3/5 put up to full time (still not entirely sure how!). The only thing I told him to do was to tell his friends and he was even too cowardly to do that - one ended up phoning me about 6w before the wedding because he was wondering if his invitation had gone missing (reasonable, he was one of the ex's best friends) and then he was mortified to find out that his buddy had behaved in such scaly fashion.

As others have said, your embarrassment is not yours to suffer, it should be his. He is the one who has cheated, lied, fucked you over etc. You have done nothing wrong except believe that he was someone you loved and who loved you. His is the shame.

Tell people. Get support. Make sure that people know what really happened, not some cock-eyed version of his that will get around.

And have a (((hug))) and some and probably some too.

Hope you bearing up

I feel so desperately sorry for you.
"My heart desperately wants this baby"

Please, please don't do anything rash just yet.

Morning love,

I've told you it will feel worse for a few days to come but now he's out the house it will move along a lot quicker now.

If you feel the need to tell the world then you go right on ahead and do it.

Right now you need to take notice of what your body and head is telling you. You've made two massive decisions in just a few days, more than what most people have to deal with in a lifetime. You've already acheived so much.

You will need to think pratical things now for a while. Money, food, bills, childcare, work etc. Everything else can wait.

You are starting again. Start from the begining, just one thing at a time. One small thing at a time.

I know this will sound daft, but you need to micromanage your life for a little while now and start with the basics. There are ust two things you need to do today.

1. Tell the boys school what has happened so they can keep an eye on them for you and any changes in behaviour will be accounted for. Your DS is pissed off, without meaning to, he may take it out on someone at school. Let school know why he's upset so they can deal with any issues that may arise.

2)Think of it like you are going into hibernation. You need to stock up. Food, milk, bread, toilet rolls, paracetamol...these are essentials. Get plenty of these in to tie you over for 2 weeks.

Your friend is coming round later, ask her to pick of these things up for you.

Just concentrate on these two things today. The rest of the day you need to talk to your friend and she'll start helping you work through your mind that is like spagghetti at the moment.

Wallow over the weekend with the boys. Monday is your day to start fresh. You have the entire week to get things moving then.

OOH, one more thing, something I wish someone told me when I was st your stage. Ask your friend to bring you a diary or anote book, something.

You will have a million and one things to do, appointments to keep etc, but you'll forget the dates and times as soon as you make them. WRITE THEM DOWN, then you won't be making ohone calls all teh bloody time when you think you've forgotten something.

Op can I just jump in and say that I was also nursing when my tit husband was found sleeping with a 16 yr old girl (I know, just when you thought it couldn't be any worse)
I was demented at the thought of doing my job as a lone parent but I managed it untill I coukd get something else.
I made HIM look after them in unsociable hours, using nursery/school in between.
I fuckkng hated the bastard but needed to keep my job.
Coukd you take a bit of sick leave to let it calm down a bit then get him to step up.
Can you go part time and claim tax credits?
Do they still pay towards childcare? Could you maybe employ a childminder in your house?
You could muddle through maybe until you can get better hours or go on mat leave (whatever you decide to do) coukd your employers move you to the clinics instead?
Sorry if not much help but I recognised that feeling of despair when faced with shift work
You will laugh again one day I promise x

Don't worry about your husband. I know it's hard. But this "disappearing act" is all designed to keep you dangling. And then hopefully be soooo relieved when he reappears that your feelings will soften

What he does or doesn't do, is of no concern to you at the moment. You need to withdraw and regroup. So don't worry of he's not answering his phone. Leave him to it. Please don't be reactive to his behaviour, it means you have further lost control

As everyone else has said, I really hope you can get some real life support today.

When you did the sums what about maintenance? He has to contribute, you shouldn't be on your own financially. I'm sorry if of course you included this, you don't need people politely saying stupid things right now.

Your list for today:

1. Call school, let them know.

2. Get in a load of basic supplies. Keep bread and milk in the freezer.

3. Get friend to buy you a notebook. Spend the day crying and ranting with friend. If you want to tell the world, tell them. Friend will help. Get friend to come up with nickname for your ex that you will refer to him as from now on. Take your time over this and have a laugh doing it.

Def tell the world. They won't 'pity' you; they will, quite rightly feel nothing but scorn and disgust for him.

Thinking of you today.

Just read the whole thread. What a horrible situation for you OP.

I hope that you can put him out of your life and plan a happier future with your DC.

smiles has written a post a million times better than I could have. She's right. As always. We're here.

It's getting easier as I tell people.

I have to tell my parents. Utterly dreading it.

I need them to hear it from me before they hear it elsewhere.

Are you up for doing it now?

Stay on here with us while you tell them. Maybe start off with something like:

"mum, I need to tell you something but then I have to hang up. I don't want you to say anything, just listen. I'll call back when I've pulled myself together a little bit...don't worry, I'll be fine, I just need space.

Tell them

finish with, I need to go now. I'll call you in a few days"

Hang up

Cry

Get back on here and vent.

Good idea Smiles.

OP, remember this is about you, your life and what you want.
What other people might think is neither here nor there, just concentrate on doing what you have to do and looking after yourself and your DCs

I'm so sorry OP. I hope your parents are supportive when you tell them

I like your DS!

Keep telling people, it'll get easier, especially as you get more angry.

I'm sorry you are finding more stuff out :(

You know you don't need to rush your decision about your pregnancy. You have time to make sure that whatever decision you make is the right one. You have to live with both your head & your heart for the rest of your life, they both deserve a good hearing x

It doesn't matter where fuckwit of the year is, it really, really doesn't.

Do something positive today, start the annulment x

Ha, your DS sounds like a legend.

Tell your parents, we'll all be around to handhold. It'll be easier once another big obstacle has gone.

You're doing good. You'll feel that soon, not just yet, but soon. It'll get easier.

Tell people, as many people as you want.

The rest can wait. Legal stuff can be started on Monday. That's going to be your New Start Day. OK?

Just one day at a time and you'll be just fine. One, small, tiny, day. 24 hours at a time.

8 of those you will be sleeping (eventually), so that's 14 hours you need to be strong.

2 of those are meal times. That leaves 12 hours.

12 hours. That's all you need you need to be strong for and take one step in your new life.

12 hours that will vanish before your eyes. Next thing you know, another day has gone by. You are one more day away from that nightmare. Soon, you won't be counting in hours, or days. It will be weeks. Then months..and then, you'll stop counting.

12 hours. That's all you need to be strong for today. Make that call to your parents, the school and get your friend round with the biggest beggie pizza she can lay her hands on (and that notebook).

12 hours. That's all.

Good luck telling them Det.