It's my wedding night. I'm all alone.

[IsThisReallyHappening]

Today I got married.

This afternoon we arrived at our hotel to stay the night.

On arrival I checked my facebook to see some congratulation messages.

One message was not quite what I was expecting.

My 'husband' cheated on me 8 weeks ago.

I'm now sat here alone. On my wedding night. My 'husband' is gone.

I'm pregnant too.

I already have a child with him.

What the actual fuck has just happened to my life?

I feel trapped.

I'm so sorry to read this thread - I can't even imagine what you are going through at the moment. I hope you are mangling to look after yourself as best you can under the circumstances. Please try and remember it's him that is in the wrong here not you, and anyone that does not see that needs their head read!

I totally get why you need to air your feelings in a neutral environment and I hope it is providing you with some support, but unless any of us are lawyers at best we can offer well intentioned advice on the legal ramifications of this. If and when you feel up to it places like Relate and CAB should be able to talk you through all your options before you ever get near a lawyer.

Take care of yourself xx

Oh Detective :(
It's good that he's gone. You can start to work through it without the pretence now.

Seriously, if you need any company just let me know

Could you go to your booking in appt and explain to them you are having mixed feelings? They may well be able to help. There could be a counsellor you could talk to perhaps? Don't rush into anything you may regret...

I don't need legal advice - luckily.

The truth of the matter is, this house is mortgaged in my name - it was mine before I met him.

He earns £500 a month.

An annulment is all that I need right now.

He is owed nothing from me, and I owe him nothing but a punch in the bollocks.

My concern is my children, finances/childcare, and my pregnancy.

No need to go to booking in. I'm a midwife, midwives don't deal with people who are wanting to terminate their pregnancy. I need to see the GP. I'd be wasting my (and their) time going to the booking in.

You do what is right for you!

I know it's hard but try to enjoy the peace and the absence of tension in your house with him gone. Just one day at a time. Things will be easier down the line. You just have to get through the hard part now. As sunbathingcat suggests, one small thing to do every day.

Sending you strength, prayers, and good wishes.

Sorry for the name change again. Didn't notice which log in the computer was on.

Just read the thread.

Nothing to offer than a virtual hug

x

So sorry, OP. [hugs]

Sending you so much love. Make a point of doing at least one thing every day to look after / spoil yourself. Yes you have your DCs to look after but you really need to care for yourself too. I'm so sorry about the pregnancy. With your HG and a toddler it would just be so difficult to manage without the finances issue at least its very early on

detective - I really would try and get some legal advice if you can. Before you make any decisions. it may well be that everything is as you think. However, in deciding to have a termination, it might help you come to terms with it better if you knew that you had researched everything thoroughly re: your position.

I presume you have looked at the CSA website etc but is there any reason that twat can't work more than he is?

He could live with his mother and contribute a fair bit to you - that could really help with childcare etc.

I know that you will do what you think is best but I feel so sad for you having to make these decisions on your own and just wouldn't want you to have the chance to reflect once you spoken to your family and friends etc

Ironically (?!) this is my first ever non HG (or even vomiting) pregnancy.

Like another kick in the face.

My heart desperately wants this baby.

I have to listen to my head. My head knows what I need to do.

I have absolutely no idea how I am going to work.

I work shifts. Earlies, lates, nights. There are no child care options for those hours.

He was the child care option.

I have been following this thread. The decisions on what you do are yours to make.
You sound so much stronger. My worry for you is doing this all on your own. is there no one RL you can turn to?

I hope your friend tomorrow can you give you the squeeziest and loveliest hug we would like to give you here.

Anger is the right feeling to have right now and a good kick in his balls wouldn't hurt you either alongside confusion, hurt... and just make the F'ing pain F'ing stop. You can't stop your heart loving him and stopping the anger towards him is next to impossible and practical thinking is a very good survival mechanism. However, you're only 7 weeks pregnant, you don't have to dash into a decision. Only you can make the decision that is right for you, I don't think you had time to choose what's right for you, when he (EX) made it all about his drama. he has only just left and not gracefully, allow your self some breathing time.

I'm so desperately sorry, what an awful mess he has made, the stupid man. That said, can he still be your childcare or is that too awful to contemplate? Maybe your Mother or his Mother could help so it isn't always him?
I'm just so sorry.

Your heart desperately wants this baby. Please don't make any decisions based on finances or childcare or that twat. Your heart is broken enough without making a decision about your baby that you might regret. You have time to decide. I think the advice to be signed off sick is good advice.

Oh, hon. You're seven weeks along. He did the cheating eight weeks ago.

Hate to say it, but you know what's coming, right? You need to get to the STI clinic. Sorry.

detective - re: how you will work, sorry to bang the same drum but please go and speak to a lawyer.

They can refer you to family mediation which could be really useful. It means that you wouldn't have to speak to twat alone but would have a neutral third party there to help guide the conversation regarding childcare and finances etc.

I mean this in respect of your current DC. I know that everything will feel absolutely horrific at the moment but, rightly or wrongly, you will have to have some kind of contact with twat to allow you to parent the DC you have together. Everything is very raw at the moment and you are absolutely right to take time out. However, the last thing you need on top of this is twat getting legal advice and initiating court action to ensure that he has contact with your DC. It is so much better if you can keep control of the decision making and mediation could really help you with this.

You may need to modify shifts etc but there is no reason that you should have to give up work or otherwise compromise your career due to these current circumstances. The more control you can keep, the less scary things will hopefully be.

Good grief, Marina, a very sobering thought! But you're absolutely right!!! STI tests has the number1 priority.

Bloody hell.

I have to commend the MN women, because I wouldnt even begin to know what to say about this situation. I just hope you are ok and now have good support around you, good people who can help you make important life decisions now. Good luck and best wishes

OP is a midwife, so think she will have the STI aspect covered.

Hugs Detective, you have so much on your plate right now. Is there any chance your dad would help you out financially, even just temporarily to sort out solicitor fees or the annulment? You're caught between a rock and a hard place about the pregnancy but hopefully you will be able to speak to a counsellor to help you in your decision. Keep talking and stay strong.