Hello love,
Fellow "Troll" here who is having an unbelievable time of it (Sudden Abandonment). Can I just say, that as humiliated as you might feel right now [I get that], experience is teaching me, that actually the shame is all theirs.
It took me weeks to tell people what had happened. I truly regret that now because I suffered those weeks by the minute. As soon as I started telling people (in RL) not just on MN, I got so much amazing support - practical and emotional.
I am six months down the line. Just today, someone walked up to me and said 'oh, I saw you getting into your car, so you're the woman whose husband has done a bunk. I want you to know, that I live there, come for a cuppa, and let us know if there's anything we can do to help.'
I live in a very small community. When he left I knew, by name, ten people locally. Now, I know nigh on a hundred.
That's a lot of cups of tea!
Six months ago, I hated being the village scandal. These days, it's being part of the village that is ensuring I get through the tough days. And yes, most of them have been incredibly practical and helpful. Sometimes just being given a cheery hello has brightened what is otherwise a difficult day (attritional divorce)
He chose this. Not you. Please leave him to do the humiliation. Please just talk to people. You have no idea that actually, whilst it IS a scandal, people are generally kind, supportive and helpful. His behaviour is distasteful to all of us.
'Us' being anyone with a sense of morals.