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Original poster

Would you ever be able to forgive

188 replies

TheNewClassic · 02/11/2014 20:40

a One night stand?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheNewClassic · 03/11/2014 07:30

How do you find the strength to leave.
Last night I said to him that I don't think we can get through this. He was silent and upset. I started shouting he was still silent. Then he started speaking.
Its awkward this morning I haven't even got up yet but I can feel the atmosphere.

OP posts:
Crushed2914 · 03/11/2014 07:38

I found out a month ago my husband cheated on me all the way through my pregnancy, then left me for her when baby was three weeks old. It has shattered my world & my self worth, I was vulnerable enough anyway post birth I now feel utterly hideous & have crippling depression. To be cheated on at any time is awful to be cheated on when pregnant is harrowing. Don't give him the chance. Thanks

Smilesandpiles · 03/11/2014 07:48

No.

He'll be out the door and I'll never look back.

If it was the other way round he wouldn't have taken you back, so why the hell should you?

YouAreMyRain · 03/11/2014 07:51

How do you find the strength to leave?

You decide if you want to be in a relationship where you are cheated on and disrespected or not.

Be grateful this has happened before marriage and kids.

Theorientcalf · 03/11/2014 07:54

What did he say OP?

He was upset? Oh boo-bloody-hoo. He doesn't get to be upset, this is his fault.

SilentAllTheseYears · 03/11/2014 07:57

Yes, there are far worse things that could have happened. But, in an ideal relationship, no way.

Sickoffrozen · 03/11/2014 08:12

I wouldn't if I didn't have children with them for sure. Why set yourself up for a lifetime of wondering if they will do it again?

Original poster
TheNewClassic · 03/11/2014 08:18

He said he has been trying and doesn't know what to do. He said he made one mistake and it will take time to for me to regain his trust.
He said hes upset because I told him I don't think it will work and that I spoke to him like shit last night.

I said it shouldn't be me coming to you telling you to fox things and he said he doesn't know what to do to make it right.

OP posts:
Theorientcalf · 03/11/2014 08:25

You have very right to speak to him like shit, what did he expect?

Don't let him minimise his actions by saying it was just one mistake. He didn't accidentally fall on her.

Can either one of you move out to give you space and thinking time? Some no contact period may be good.

KoalaKoo · 03/11/2014 08:34

If you didn't have fertility issues at all would you still feel so torn about whether to stay with him?

I think normally, in a ons case you could try to make things work, it isn't necessarily a deal breaker. But he has to show that he is really serious.

Other posters haven't picked up on the fact that the dp is willing to not go to any clubs and not drink until his partner is ready. This is a big deal and he is going a long way to try to put things right. It doesn't mean you have to accept, but he is certainly making the right noises for you to have another try at things if you wanted to.

Joysmum · 03/11/2014 08:35

He's upset because you spoke to him like shit last night?

I'd leave based on that. He's not allowing to to feel, surely he'd understand.

AnyFawker · 03/11/2014 09:19

KK, other posters have picked up on his promises not to cross the threshold of any clubs or drink again

But they see it as a pointless exercise that in no way could reassure the OP

Being in a nightclub/being drunk is not the reason he gave himself permission to fuck someone else

Millli · 03/11/2014 09:58

He has to move out for you to have some time to really think about things. How do you know he hasn't done this before? He should be totally remorseful and begging you to give him another chance. He should be bending over backwards to prove himself.

YouAreMyRain · 03/11/2014 12:40

He should be the one working at earning your trust.

So you spoke to him like shit? He treated you like total shit when he was fucking someone else!!

For me I would never trust him again.

How do you know he hasn't done this before? Just because you caught him this time doesn't mean it's the only time. Was his behaviour different after he had sex with someone else? Was he nervous/jumpy or on edge? Did he appear guilty in anyway? If he remained normal, calm and casual between the act and you discovering it, that suggests he felt no remorse and it probably wasnt the first time.

AcrossthePond55 · 03/11/2014 13:01

Sometimes 'sorry' isn't enough. This is one of those times. He is going to need to be transparent for as long as it takes you to figure this out. His phone? Yours to check. Going out? Either you go too or he understands that if you need to check up on him 100 times, then he answers 100 times. Passwords? Yep, those are yours too.

If he isn't willing to do that or if that isn't enough for you, then it's time to move on.

Original poster
TheNewClassic · 03/11/2014 20:29

I knew he was guilty as soon as he got home. hence looking in the phone because I just knew.
I don't know if he has done it before. He says no but who knows now.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheNewClassic · 03/11/2014 20:30

He has broken the chip in his old phone not that that really matters.
He said today that he will prove how sorry he is and that we will have the kids, house and marriage like we planned
Envy

OP posts:
Theorientcalf · 03/11/2014 20:52

And what about what you want?

He can't just expect to make things better by telling you these things will happen. It's up to you what happens now.

Plus, he has to work for it! He should be bloody grovelling OP! He can't just sweep the whole thing under the carpet with promises of marriage. That is not putting in any effort, it's just words.

Vivacia · 03/11/2014 20:52

Is there anything he could do to convince you OP?

smillassenseofsnow · 03/11/2014 20:53

Has he broken the chip in his old phone during the last week? Hmm

Tbh I think him bringing up the kids, house and marriage at this point would be the icing on the cake for me and I'd be out. He has no right to mention the things you thought you were going to have until he shat all over them.

ImperialBlether · 03/11/2014 21:33

I wouldn't take the risk of staying with him. It's the way he dealt with it, by remaining silent - I can't be doing with that at all. Makes me want to scream.

ImperialBlether · 03/11/2014 21:34

Also, think what lesson you're giving him. He's unfaithful to you so you marry him and have his child. Umm no.

DurhamDurham · 03/11/2014 21:43

I might be able to forgive it but I would never forget it.

AnyFawker · 03/11/2014 21:52

Yup, reward the cheater with marriage and kids ?

No way

Original poster
TheNewClassic · 03/11/2014 22:23

everytime I read this thread i get angry! thanks ladies.
What I want I can't have!

OP posts: