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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Fathers sharing bed with daughters.

180 replies

GoMe · 01/11/2014 21:06

What is your opinion on it?

I know that child abuse will happen at any time, on the bed or not, if the father is an abuser, so my question is because men are prone to having wet dreams and erections whilst asleep, so in my opinion, it is not ideal for a girl to sleep with her father at the same bed.

My DD is 7.

OP posts:
differentnameforthis · 03/11/2014 00:08

what business does a grown man have sharing a bed with his daughter? A toddler yes! Anything more absolutely not! I'm shocked some of you are ok with your DDs seeing your DHs erect!

So would you feel the same about a son sharing with his mother?

My dds have never seen my dh's erect penis (and assuming that I would be ok with them doing so, just because they share our bed is making a huge assumption) because he wears pjs when (usually the smallest) sleeps with us. There is NOTHING for her to see, and as she sends all the time in out bed, asleep, she also cannot see anything! And his looks don't change when he is erect, so short of being told that he is (which we obviously don't) they would have no idea.

I feel really sad that some people seem to think my dh shouldn't be sharing our bed with his daughter. What if I am not here & she needs comfort? Is she to be left upset & unsettled in her bed because he 'has no business' sharing his bed with her?

If a man has a regular female bed partner who he often has sex with surely if his regular female partner is replaced by his DD, when she is visiting, then there is a small chance, particularly if he is drunk that he might get a hard on and press against his DD inadvertently. My dh has managed (in 22yrs of living together) not to "inadvertently" press his erection against ME while drunk, so I am pretty sure he would be able to refrain from doing so to dd.

I always assumed this was normal - after all these years I find out he is a weird perv!!!!! He isn't a perv, at all. As I recall, erections during the night cannot be controlled, but that doesn't mean they automatically turn the man into a child abuser, if there is a child in the bed.

The problem with this thread is that the op used a very unambiguous title for what is a very unique situation. People are bound to answer the op's first post (despite cries of 'rtft or whatever,) in accordance with the title & miss the pertinent info she posted later on, because often people do not read the whole thread, for whatever reason.

I hope things get sorted for you, op!

Twinklestein · 03/11/2014 00:13

I don't think anyone has said night time hard ons make a man into child abuser, it's simply that due to them fathers and daughters sharing a bed is inappropriate. All the more so in this case.

BastardGoDarkly · 03/11/2014 00:26

Jesus, all the in fighting is so tiresome sometimes.

Op, I really hope he's moved out, if not, and he's stalled again, get someone with you and tell him you will call the police.

I really believe this is a safe guarding issue. I'm glad you're seeing ss on Tuesday, if you tell them what you've said here (not the erection/wet dreams stuff, that sounds mad) then they will agree he's not safe for your daughter to be unsupervised with, she's already under a psychiatrist because of him ffs.

I hope you and your poor dd gets some peace soon Flowers

differentnameforthis · 03/11/2014 01:02

it's simply that due to them fathers and daughters sharing a bed is inappropriate. In your opinion.

Dowser · 03/11/2014 08:13

That should have read fuzzy boundaries.

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