Fathers sharing bed with daughters.

[GoMe]

What is your opinion on it?

I know that child abuse will happen at any time, on the bed or not, if the father is an abuser, so my question is because men are prone to having wet dreams and erections whilst asleep, so in my opinion, it is not ideal for a girl to sleep with her father at the same bed.

My DD is 7.

BTW, who supervises when unsupervised contact isn't possible?
And do we have to pay solicitors to sort this out? We are skint.

I wouldn't feel comfortable him being anywhere near her, he's totally irresponsible bordering on emotional abusive.

Quite apart from the fact that I find the idea of having to share a bed with my dad as a child appalling. I didn't even like having to share a hotel room with both my parents as a child. It would never occur to me or my husband that he would ever share a bed with our daughter. I can't believe some posters think that's ok.

Children, and girls in particular have an unconscious fear of incest, however little likely it is to happen. I'm not concerned that the OP's H would abuse her sexually, so much as that the experience would seriously mess with her head.

Skimmed this thread, erections, smaking bum game, wet dreams, bed sharing, blackmail.

All of it. Absolutely. Gross.

No this is to British Culture, this is alcoholism. From what you've said he has some serious MH problems and should absolutely not have unsupervised contact with a child. You need to tell SS everything.

Sorry that should say this is NOT British culture

Yep Gross. Go back to your perfect life. Nobody is making you take part or read here.

It is my RL BTW. Never thought it would turn out like this. (stupid emoticon for being human and make mistakes/poor choices)

I'm also at the idea an adult man would have a wet dream? Have shared a bed with dp for over 4 years and never known him to have one?

Sorry, what I meant is that his excuse is that this is British Culture and me as a foreigner don't understand it. I know it is one more BS from him of course.

Ok bed sharing in many families is fine and ok. What you are describing is not normal, the alcohol problems, the emotional abuse, his lack of personal hygiene etc. Op glad you have the support from social services. I also think supervised contact is the way to go.

Vile

If SHE wanted to share the bed because she was feeling upset or frightened then I think it would be fine. BUt for him to expect to sleep with her for his own comfort isnt great, especially if she has stated that she doesnt want to. He is an adult, its not a little girl's job to be his emotional crutch. He has that twisted completely the wrong way round.

Of course you will need to pay!

If it goes through solicitors and to court then it's not cheap

Blimey. I can see that you've got so much on your plate and you're trying to protect your dd. some thoughts..

1. The very heavy drinking is not British culture.
2. Your dd should be allowed to sleep in her own bed if she wants to. End of.
3. Your ex is emotionally abusing both of you
4. He has no respect for your dd's personal space and boundaries.
5. You are right to involve outside agencies
6. Supervised contact could be in a contact centre, during the day. He is not fit to have dd over night.
7. You can contact an organisation such as Women's Aid who will be able to help and advise. Or speak to the NSPCC about your very valid concerns about your dd's emotional well being.

And scrap my previous post about turning it round if you had a son.

Dads sleeping with their daughters is not an issue generally just because men are men. Many men can co-sleep with their DDs without issue. But based on your posts you clearly have an issue with this man sleeping with your DD, and if you genuinely believe that it is putting your DD at risk, as her mother you owe her to do something about it.

You've changed the story so much since the OP thpugh, initially your question was all about abuse/wet dreams etc, now it's alcoholsim/emotional abuse. You can't blame people for being
You have a problem if you needed to put a pillow between them from a young age. That's just odd.

Op as there is emotional abuse you may be able to get legal aid I think.

You need to document everything and as you are already involving children's services etc that is good. And I agree with contacting nspcc and women's aid.

Tried legal aid but was denied.
Yes I used to put a pillow between them because he cuddles her during sleep and I wasn't comfortable with the body touching even though they were wearing pj's and I hadn't read about wet dreams/erections.

I started off the thread talking about wet dreams and erections because this was my last resort to make him aware that he should stop making DD sleep with him since he can't agree with all the emotional damage he is causing.

So I sent him a txt about wet dreams and erections...so after the smack bum game issue hopefully he will stop. Because I could use this against him in a twisted way if I wanted to...but I will never, I don't believe he is a predator, just stupid.

poor kid, TBH you both sound barking

Oh really? And why Do I sound barking mana?
You sound terribly unsympathetic and vile. Think about kicking a dead dog. Is it what you use MN for?

I finished my relationship with this man on the 7th of September. Have been waiting for him to move and he will do tomorrow. During this time I went to hell and back. All I am doing is protecting my daughter. I involved SS and Mental Health team MYSELF.
Ah and don't ask me why I didn't move..life is not as simple as some MNetter's suggestions...I have had good enough reasons for not moving and even STBX agreed to go himself eventually.

I have various threads here. I won't repeat everything gain just to get even more insulted.

I rarely come here anymore. I remember now why I stayed away.

Because I could use this against him in a twisted way if I wanted to...but I will never, I don't believe he is a predator, just stupid

There is something very, very wrong with you.

No there isn't. This is the only language he understands. But you don't know him and you don't know me and you don't know what I have been through. If you read the thread and think that a normal person who threat suicide to his own 7 year daughter understands normal communication...

I didn't tell him I would use it against him. But everyone agrees that the two things together (the sleeping and the smacking bum) + lack of respecting boundaries does look ugly if not explained properly.

A man would generally have to go without sex or masturbation for a number of weeks before he would start experiencing wet dreams. Most likely your ex will not have experienced wet dreams since adolescence, and so won't consider them a credible reason not to share a bed with your daughter.

[b]also hmm at the idea an adult man would have a wet dream?[/b]

Why is that odd? men can and do get wet dreams as adults. It's not that common, but it does happen.

I do know a man who gets them quite regularly.

Not that it ever crossed my mind as a thing to worry about when my children slept in their father's bed.