How to feel when your partner kisses someone else

[bitpissedoff]

DP went away with his friends and kissed a girl.
I am trying not to be too pissed off.

I know it isn't a big deal but at the same time I'm gutted.

How seriously do you take something like that?


:/

[bitpissedoff]

I said that if it was nothing and just drunk etc then that's a green light for me to do the same. He was pretty quick to say that's not what he wants.

[Missunreasonable]

That role reversal comment was great. Perhaps it will make him think about how he would feel in your position.

[ThisFenceIsComfy]

Good maybe he can start thinking about the impact of his actions a bit more then.

[Fairenuff]

So how can he continue to try and justify it if he thinks it wouldn't be justified the other way round?

Is it one rule for him, one for you?

Ask him what he would do if you came home and said you'd had a drunken snog but it was no big deal. Would he say ok and shrug it off or would he show you the door?

[TheDietStartsTomorrow]

Kissing is highly intimate imo.

[bitpissedoff]

I've definitely seen a bit more realisation in him today. I know he is worried about the impact of what he's done and he's not just trying to sweep the whole thing under the carpet anymore. Slow clap for him.


I'm feeling better about it also. I just know I'm going to worry every time he goes out. It's frustrating.

[HappyHalloweenMotherFucker]

Ahhhh the passage of time. That friendly little helper to cheats everywhere

When your shock and initial anger wears off, it just goes back the status quo

Lovely for him, not so lovely for you

[bitpissedoff]

I understand your point but I don't want to end my marriage over this.

I wish I wasn't in this situation.

[Fairenuff]

He is trying to tell you that he thought kissing other people was an option as long as you didn't know about it.

That's the deal he is offering you. Are you really going to settle for that?

[inlectorecumbit]

He just won't own up next time-he will be very careful. Do you really believe some random girl follows a previously unknown guy to the bathroom for a snog??
There must have been some contact/acknowlegment/indication of mutual attraction before some one does that.
He is not telling the full story OP-nowhere near it.

[HappyHalloweenMotherFucker]

It's entirely your decision, lovey. Your marriage, your life x

[bitpissedoff]

I am really pissed off again.
he doesn't fucking appreciate me
he doesn't love me like I love him.
he's a selfish fucking prick.

[bitpissedoff]

I feel like getting in a taxi and going out on the pull.
I've fucking had it. Why should I put up with it? What a dismissive twat.

[bitpissedoff]

I should definitely stop drinking.

[bitpissedoff]

He's a Dick

[Fairenuff]

Look OP, you are angry and you have very good reason to be angry. But you are also frustrated because you can't see any consequences for him, other than just accept it and let it go.

If you want to make a statement, if you want to make him realise how important this is to you, it's ok to make a huge scene. It's ok to let him know that you are not going to take this, you are going to take action instead.

You need time to think about it. It's not over yet. Your relationship isn't over and the infidelity isn't over. Nothing is decided yet. Take your time. Is there any way that he could move out for a couple of days, just to give you some space?

[bitpissedoff]

I hate being alone.

I think he's bored of me and I hate myself for loving him so infinitely.

I want him to go. And stay. And I want someone to be attracted to me and make me feel good.

I want to feel like someone loves me, not just needs me.

[HappyHalloweenMotherFucker]

he is not going to give you what you want, love.

[bitpissedoff]

I am too cowardly.

[HappyHalloweenMotherFucker]

he is the coward

he can't face up to an adult respectful relationship so he has to fuck it up

that what I call cowardly

[bitpissedoff]

But he's quite happy with the set up. It suits him. He has me to look after him and the kids. Then when he gets a bit bored he can go and dip his toe in somewhere else.

[HappyHalloweenMotherFucker]

You have it nailed.

[optimistikcolouristik]

If my DH kissed another woman intimately that would be it. A kiss is a serious thing. But some people are more forgiving when it comes to infidelity. In this case it is an infidelity. If you can live with it then it is fine. It is up to you.

[SweetErmengarde]

I've been in your situation in the past, OP, albeit with an ex boyfriend so no family ties.

As with your H, my ex was drunk and "this girl" (she certainly does get about, doesn't she?) just lunged at him, completely unsolicited, and he "didn't pull back quickly enough."

Because I was 21, desperate to be the "cool girl" and really liked him, I too tried to get past it despite thinking his story was utter BS. Unfortunately, as you say, I could never fully trust him again, I was always on edge and I didn't like the person I was becoming.

The relationship finished when I ended up cheating on him - more out of insecurity and revenge than any real feeling for the other guy (21 and stupid, remember?).

Even now, married with 2 kids, mortgage etc., this would be a dealbreaker for me. I'm sorry.

[Back2Two]

selfloathing
You sound so confident in the world which you inhabit.
Don't assume just because you choose to mingle with tossers that you are in a fair representation of a cross section of society.

Of course you hear the crappy side of relationships on the relationships board of mumsnet. We don't all spend our time posting about another day in paradise.

I feel sorry for you. You're so sure of yourself and almost gloating that you know so many dishonest losers.

I suggest a promotion for you, from self to many loathing.