How to feel when your partner kisses someone else

[bitpissedoff]

DP went away with his friends and kissed a girl.
I am trying not to be too pissed off.

I know it isn't a big deal but at the same time I'm gutted.

How seriously do you take something like that?


:/

[Allhallowspeeve]

Eh?

How old are you? How long have you been together?

[badbaldingballerina123]

Admitting to a kiss is often cheater code for we had sex. They confess to something because they feel a bit guilty , but it's often not the full story. Apparently some men are so gorgeous that women often can't resist and pounce on them unexpectedly. Did he also claim that HE stopped it from going any further ?

If he wasn't with his friends , where was he ? This sort of smooching doesn't usually happen in public so if they went off somewhere private chances are there's much more to it.

[bitpissedoff]

I'm 32. We've been together for 12 years.

[TimeForAnotherNameChange]

Dump and run love, dump and run. He's not marriage material and you don't need to waste your time with someone who is a dick. Find someone else, someone who's genuine and respectful, have some fun, but whatever you do don't let dickhead any further into your life.

[Allhallowspeeve]

He told you he got a boner while dancing with her?

You fucked up when you took him back the first time. I feel like some one needs to clap there hands very loudly in front of your face to wake you up.

He probably did more than kiss her he must have been alone with her so his mates didn't apparently know. His mate will know.

[TimeForAnotherNameChange]

X posts. 12 years? Don't let this go on. You're worth so much more than this, really you are. Do you have a house together, children?

[Missunreasonable]

What kind of kiss was it? A peck on the cheek to greet a friend or a full blown open mouth kiss? If it was the latter then you have every right to be furious and to be considering the viability of your relationship.

[bitpissedoff]

He left the table and went to the toilet. Apparently she followed him and then they kissed. He DID tell me that he stopped it (HA!) and then he said that his friend came round the corner but didn't see them kiss. He then asked his friends if they could go to a different bar and they left.

He said they all stayed together the whole time. I could ask the friend in question. I'm pretty sure he'd be honest with me.

[HappyHalloweenMotherFucker]

He has form then.

You made a mistake taking on the OW a few years ago. It seems you let him off the hook and blamed her. He must have been like a dog with two dicks watching two women compete for him.

The fault lay with him, not her

Accept this (like you did the other) and you will have a lifetime of insecurity, battered self respect and resentment

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me (so the saying goes)

[bitpissedoff]

A short snog. I didn't ask if tongues were involved!

We have two children and a house.

[guitarosauras]

I had this with an ex. This was just one of the many reasons that he was a knob.

To me it's cheating. I kiss my dp but not male friends and so it is part of the intimate relationship between my dp and myself.

Where were his friends?

Does he just expect you to accept this and move on?

[winkywinkola]

He's not faithful to you.

You've caught him out only twice.

I reckon there are a lot of other incidents he's not told you about or that you've not picked up on.

He needs to go. He's not a good partner. Kissing someone is infidelity.

How would he react if you kissed someone?

[bitpissedoff]

Hi HappyHalloween, I didn't take on the OW. She was a 'friend' of mine and obviously wanted to talk to her.

I blamed him 100% and went down the route of moving out, contacting solicitors etc. We fell apart and it was not taken lightly trust me.

[Missunreasonable]

Well a snog is unacceptable whether tongues were involved or not. I was really hoping you were going to say it was a peck on the cheek (but I didn't think you were going to say that). He doesn't deserve you.

[bitpissedoff]

You've caught him out only twice.

[HappyHalloweenMotherFucker]

If the last time was not taken lightly, why the pressure to take this one lightly ?

This is the second incident (that you know of)

More reason to take it more seriously, surely ?

he learned no lesson from last time then ?

[HappyHalloweenMotherFucker]

No, lovey. If you leave the relationship it is because you don't trust him

Not "because of a kiss"

Where there is no trust, there is no relationship

[bitpissedoff]

He definitely hasn't learned anything from the last time.
That's another problem.

If I did go along with it, what's to say it won't happen again?

[guitarosauras]

'How the fuck am I supposed to break up my marriage?'

He has done that for you.

[HappyHalloweenMotherFucker]

Going off past behaviour (which is all you have atm) then you have nothing to say it won't happen again.

Does he expect you make a bit of a fuss and then STFU ?

[JeanSeberg]

Would you at least consider asking him to leave whilst you consider your options? That would give you some thinking space away from him.

[dorasee]

Here we go again. What is it with our society? As women, we have lost our right to be fully pissed off when feeling betrayed. You have been betrayed, trust has been broken within the framework of a committed relationship. It is a big fucking deal and it's OK that it is a big deal. This doesn't mean it's the end. It is a slip, a mistake. But it is something that needs to be dealt with. Otherwise it becomes acceptable.

[PfftTheMagicDraco]

The worst thing in the these sort of situations is that he doesn't think it's a big deal.
So either he doesn't care you are hurt, or he's done worse before.

[SelfLoathing]

You are right to be upset but ending a long term relationship over a snog is stupid in my view.

I think a lot of women are incredibly naive about men and infidelity. You only have to look at the threads here about MM leaving/affairs being discovered to see the millions of wives who are totally shocked/never thought he had it in him/never saw it coming.

Frankly, all men (apart from a tiny % of those not really interested in sex at all or highly religious) are capable of infidelity. Men like having sex. Sex with new people is very exciting. Feeling desired is exciting. Over the life time of decades of marriage - it's basically a question of whether the opportunity to do it and get away with it (ie. pretty sure wife won't find out - whether that's because it's abroad/with someone who has more to lose/ total stranger etc) coincides with a woman who he really has chemistry with and is also up for it. Decent men do actually have affairs; just because someone succumbs to temptation when you are just talking about - a kiss - doesn't make him the devil.

So in your situation, it's a good thing he confessed and it's a great thing it stopped at a kiss. Kissing is just kissing. Actors do it for work all the time. It's not great obviously but it's not a hill to die on IMO.

Imagine this: you are alone, abroad on a work conference. A really attractive man you've got to know over a few days is flirting with you. He lives miles away and you'll never see him again. He is making you feel very attractive and desired. You feel like a teenage. It's fun. You drink a bit more. More flirting. He has you alone in a romantic candlelit dark corner and leans in for a kiss. Are you really, really sure that in that moment you wouldn't enjoy a fabulous snog? And it really mean nothing at all. Doesn't mean you don't love your partner. Doesn't mean you are running off with this man.

Just means that you enjoyed sexy, fun, flirty kissing with a guy for one night in your life and no one will know?

Maybe I'm more male in my attitude to this kind of thing but I have definitely been head over heels in love with someone and had a drunk snog with someone else that meant nothing.

I'm not saying he should get a prize, or that you should over look it or not give him a hard time. Just that it definitely isn't worth ending a relationship over. That's all.

[Allhallowspeeve]

I think you have to look at it from the angle of -

Am I happy to be married to a man that admits (when forced) to kissing other women.

Am I happy to be married to a man who over steps the boundary by dancing with other women and getting aroused.

Am I happy to be married to a man I feel I can't trust to stay faithful

Am I happy to be married to a man who I feel I have to take it in the chin when he cheats because I'm scared of the fall out.

By the way - when a partner cheats on their partner , they are not just costing on them they are cheating on their whole family unit. You and your kids.

Kissing is cheating.

He has well took the piss. Don't let him dismiss this.