How to feel when your partner kisses someone else

[bitpissedoff]

DP went away with his friends and kissed a girl.
I am trying not to be too pissed off.

I know it isn't a big deal but at the same time I'm gutted.

How seriously do you take something like that?

:/

selfloathing Decent men do not have affairs. Selfish entitled cunts have affairs.

What the fuck is going on with MN today??

Selfloathing...aren't you the woman having an affair with a married man ?

I suppose you would take the approach that men are bound to cheat on their wives.

Self Loathing - are you a man who has had an affair? Would explain your username and pathetic self justification...

I can't be arsed to advance search if SL is a man or a woman, but I think therein lies the above justification for cheating and calling someone "stupid" for ending a relationship when it happens.

I've searched - she's a self justifying OW...

What a load of rubbish, not all men and women boost their self esteem through interaction with the opposite sex....

So guys can snog other women now and its not breaking their marriage vows?

Thats a new one on me.

Decent men do not have affairs.

I disagree I'm afraid. It is very naive to assume that only b*stards have affairs.

Decent people do make mistakes. Decent people do get drunk and get carried away in the moment. One bad decision does not a selfish cunt make I'm afraid.

And here we are just talking about kissing. Not sex. Just kissing.

You haven't read the thread, SL. This isn't one "bad decision".

So guys can snog other women now and its not breaking their marriage vows?

No that's absolutely not what I said. Of course it is.

All I'm saying is that I wouldn't choose to end a LTR/marriage over a kiss. JMO.

op absolutely take no advice of selfloathing what so ever.

"All I'm saying is that I wouldn't choose to end a LTR/marriage over a kiss. JMO."

Of course not SelfLoathing - you'd end it by fucking another woman's husband...

SelfLoathing with all due respect, you are currently having an affair with a married man and describe yourself as obsessed with him.

Perhaps you are not that objective.

Selfloathing...aren't you the woman having an affair with a married man ?

Yes. I have a thread here about it. It is a cycle I am trying to break. It is over really.

I suppose you would take the approach that men are bound to cheat on their wives.

I don't think all men are "bound" to cheat on their wives at all. Just that there is a lot of naivety about it.

I do know men who are basically good guys (by which I mean kind, trustworthy (in that you could confide confidences in them and rely on them not to breach it), on the face of it good fathers and reliable spouses) who have had an affair. Their wives do not know.

I'm not self-justifying at all because in my case the MM I was involved with is an utter bstrd and has had numerous affairs and as I understand it his wife knows about it. He definitely isn't what I'd call a decent man at all.

Anyway my main point here is that A KISS is just A KISS.

A one off drunken snog is one thing, a pattern of untrustworthy behaviour is another.

These are only the incidents you found out about OP, if he's crossed the line twice, it's quite likely there were others you didn't rumble.

Perhaps you are not that objective.

Yes. I'd accept that. But on topics like this, very few people are really, truly objective are they?

Everyone brings their own experiences to such an issue.

SelfLoathing I'm sure you're a nice person, but you come across as very screwed up and well, self loathing... Ironically, you are the one who is very naïve... A man who has an affair is not a good guy, he may be nice to his work colleagues, his friends and his kids but he is not a good guy full stop. You need to raise your standards.

Of course not SelfLoathing - you'd end it by fucking another woman's husband...

I'm single. I'm the latest in a long line of OW he has had and his wife knows. So no, in my case, it is not a marriage ending matter. & anyway it's basically over.

But I wasn't talking about ending an affair as was obvious. I was talking about ending a committed monogamous relationship for a kiss as was pretty clear.

I have just had it out with him again.

What a mess.

Thank you for views from both sides.

He is more sorry but I would really like him to be on his knees crying because he's scared of losing me.

That's what I would be doing if it were me.

I do understand how a snog can happen. How do I rebuild trust now?

ARRRGH.

Everyone brings their own experiences to such an issue.

And your experience is apparently that good men are cheats, so expect nothing of them and overlook indications that they can't be trusted...

Everyone brings their own experiences to such an issue.

True, but your experience is the exact opposite of the OPs and therefore I suspect of limited usefulness. Indeed, the opinion of posters who have never been in long term relationships would be of limited use. It takes a special kind of cruelty to be so blasé to the mother of your children who you have shared and built a life with for over a decade.

It's not for you to rebuild trust OP, that's for him, and it will take some time.

Selfloathing I am offended on my husband's behalf (and on behalf of all other decent men!) that all men (unless religious or not interested in sex) are capable of cheating.

OP - firstly, please don't listen to Selfloathing.

If he doesn't think it's a big deal then that's a big problem. There's nothing to stop him doing it again, and he might not admit to something next time. As pp have said, you don't know what he has done and not told you about before. Without trust you will always be wondering, never able to relax. It's a horrible position to be in.

Please don't accept this. Good luck

How do I rebuild trust now?

What on earth makes you think that is YOUR responsibility? You didn't do a thing!

Your "experience", SL, by your own admission is fucked up