I'm the OW and it's killing me

[ashatteredheart]

I need help. I am so unhappy.

This summer I left my DH of many years standing. We have children together. I got involved with a man on-line who promised me the Earth.. but when I begged for help one night, he ran away and refused to either help or even get in touch. End of relationship. All the more poignant because he knew I had abandonment issues.. yet that is precisely what he did.

But there was someone who helped me. A MM. I know it's not great. I know what I did was wrong. I needed someone and he was there. My self-esteem has been missing for very very many years now due to at times, an emotionally abusive marriage and a horrible family background. This doesn't excuse what I have done.. at times I know I am not thinking straight.

But I can't handle it, it's destroying me. I'm wracked with guilt for his family but I am now in love. Apart from the obvious, he is a lovely man who will not leave his DW because of their children. He gives me the care and attention that I have been craving for half my life. I'm finding it very very difficult to give up. I do't want t let him go..and I have tried several times.

I know there will be some on here who will judge me. And I deserve that. But there is no one who is judging me harsher than myself. Thanks for reading.

But that is like telling an alcoholic to 'just stop drinking'.

The thing is, that IS one of the best (maybe only?) ways for an alcoholic to go dry. They have to stop. Just stop.

The trick is, an alcoholic has to want to stop drinking. That's the essential first step. It's a good comparison for the OP

Now THAT was rude!

Yeah it is Chimney

Really??

Do you really think I care?

Well you seem to, as you seem quite irate.

Been waiting for that Nicki have you?

You must have been lurking for a while now...

Why are you here OP? You need to end it, for your own sanity, as 'it's killing you'.

But, and this is kindly meant, people have been offering help. It feels as though when posters do not offer the help you want to hear, you accuse them of being rude and harsh.

Blunt advice is no more than that. And the advice is really good.

Why don't you do the decent thing and take this off thread if you feel quite so prurient about the whole matter Nicki?

OP you do seem really wound up. So far folk are just trying to help, albeit not in a bubble wrap and hand you a cuppa and tell you it's ok, you're the victim and we completely understand way. But there's no need to start cursing at folk

If you care to look up thread captain you will indeed see that I am going to end it.

My position hasn't changed

nicki is not being rude OP, a bit harsh but I think you need that. Soft soaping it will not help you.

OK then, end it.

End of thread.

Ahh well, she's a 'bit harsh' then. That's all OK then.

op you are looking for a fight with people trying to help a,

captain I TRIED to end it many posts back but the likes of YOU want to keep it going..

as you were...

Not sure why the OP is saying 'do the decent thing'!

Perhaps you need to do the same!!

Yes that's the best I can do and I am actually pretty happy with it.

As for my personality? Well I am actually pretty happy with that too .

I'm not a fucking troll! I am a long standing MN's who has ... unsurprisingly... changed names!

You're right, I need to go. I'm sorry for this.

I have seen far harsher replies on other thread.

You were never going to get a pat on the back you are the OW.

You seem to be the person that comes across as aggresive on this thread.

I really despite reading 6 pages have no idea what you want from this thread.