Take him back? After 3years?

[Undecided1999]

Long story short

Was with my partner for 15 years since 21, he left me for OW 3 years ago, just upped and left, no dcs.

I struggled to cope, he moved on with his OW, tried to get money he thought he was ' entitled' to ,they split up after 3months he tried to get back in with me, I said no. We then started to meet up now and again, he said he wanted to maybe give it another go, we weren't sleeping together and where just thinking things through really.

He meets another girl during this time and decides to go with her moves in with her and her children, about six months later he makes contact with me me and says he isn't happy again can he come home? I wasn't strong enough at this point so kept him at arms length, text now and again.

Situation is now this he has left the girl he was living with and is staying at his mums, he says he cares about the other girl, but chooses me over her, he says he loves me and never stopped loving me the time we where apart.

I want to try again but feel I can't trust him, we met for dinner last night these are some of the things he said

1. He will miss how she looks
2. He will miss the closeness they have (sex I presume)
3. She is too stressful for him
4. She is putting pressure on for marriage
5. She wants him to buy a house with her
6. The children are not his
7. If I didn't exist he might try to make it work with her
8. He chooses me over her
9. He loves me and thinks of me everyday

10. He wants to try again and move back in with me 11. He wants marriage and children with me 12. When he hugged me goodnight he said' you'll have too lose some of this' and patted my stomach - he makes me feel inferior looks wise, I am overweight but I'm not unattractive

Should I give it a go with him? I feel like it's now or never for me I've been alone since he left by choice and would like to be in a realtionship again, if I don't do this now I will have to move on for good.

He was sweet back then, my father liked him but if he knew what he had done to me he would tell me to never take him back

I do camper, I invest my time in him instead of looking for new opportunities, what's wrong with me?

Hes had two realtionships while I'm been here crying over him

You could likely meet someone else in the future but you will completely and utterly sabotage your own chances of that happening if this particular individual is at all allowed back into your life again.

Love your own self for a change and work on continuing to rebuild your life without him in it. You really do need to unlearn an awful lot of stuff about relationships.

I'm the easy way out aren't i ? He'll probably shag about behind my back and say it's my fault because I'm overweight

OP did you come on MN under another name when he first left? Your story is very familiar. If it was you, I often wondered how you were getting on and hoped that the scumbag was out of your life for good!

HELL NO!!

As for the being alone as long as your pining after this tosser, you're not putting yourself out there, you're not looking at anyone else.

Why settle?

And you know that every time hes late home, answers a call and leaves the room you 'll wonder and worry. It will destroy you.

Come on Kid, you'll be exactly the same place in 1 month, 2 months etc if you let him treat you like shit off his shoe.

You are WORTH MORE than this pathetic excuse of a scrote.

I have my own home, a good job, I'm stable financially, I'm good fun etc keep reminding yourself of this, you don't need dickhead back!

Please either get a good therapist (CBT is good) and/or join a dating site, Meet Up Group (to make new friends) and/or join/do something you've always wanted to go.

If you have the money and want to do it travel the world. Anything to get away from this creep and away from the negative thoughts about him.

Yes, I've stewed on men for ages but if I knew then what I knew now I'd move on (like I have done in past few years and before) without a backwards glance.

Hi OP he's a waste of space, please cut your losses and do not waste any more time on this selfish, selfish manchild.

Do you have support in RL? What do your friends think of him?

He doesn't deserve to lick your boots. He had his chance and HE blew it. HIS loss.

You have so much going for you, go out enjoy yourself, holidays, hobbies, nights out with mates, dating, etc; forget him and make new memories.

Bangs head on wall

Your late father would indeed be horrified and rightly so at what is happening now. He would certainly be telling you not to take him back.
I would read up on co-dependency and see if that resonates with you.

There's nothing wrong with you, you've just got stuck in a rut. A big, messy rut. You can climb out though.

I've never said this before on MN but I'd really like to give you a big old hug, because I'm pretty sure you deserve it.

Please don't take this loser back. He's not going to be the man you need him to be.

Yes he will cheat on you again and he will leave you again. Still without children.

You've spent a couple of years getting your life back after a very long relationship, which ended badly. There's nothing wrong with that, it's more normal and healthy than him having 2 further relationships in that time, having ended it in the odd and immature way that he did.

Don't let him sabotage your 'journey'. Get yourself back to where you are happy and then think about your future - but don't plan to have him in it, please.

I do need a hug, I'm desperate for some care and attention codependency is something I have thought about I just feel so low today I'm know I'm walking into something that is not good for me

OP, you say you want kids but presumably with someone who will be around to help you bring them up.

You know that, if things go 'well' and Mr Fuckwit does move back in and you get pregnant, he'll go off with someone else at the first sight of a shitty nappy? He doesn't want to get married, is not at all bothered at the thought of dumping his current partner and doesn't seem attached to her children at all. This is not going to end up with you, him and your offspring playing Monopoly around the table in ten years' time.

Delete his number and find someone who deserves you; it might be harder in the short run but you'll save yourself a lot of heartache.

That voice won't go away, I look at him and I want him to be the man I love but I don't trust him, it's so sad all those years and he becomes this man

I do feel for you OP, but you need to let go of this chump.

You do know without a shadow of a doubt that the instant he meets someone else (and he is the kind of guy who never STOPS looking for someone else) he will be off like a shot?

And when he took you out to dinner to try and woo you back he was talking about the other girl and telling you that you need to lose weight? OMG. You REALLY deserve better than this. Hell, we all do. I guess that's why those other girls dumped him.

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no.

No.

Do not take this fuckweasel back. Please.

He is absolutely no good for you.

You sound lovely. I hope you know in your heart of hearts that you can do so much better than this utter toad.

Listen to the advice your parents would have given you.

What if you tell him that in case you get married, you'd have a prenup (or whatever that is called) so all your assets stay yours alone, he'd get nothing if you divorce?

My feeling is he wants to get his hands on the money he didn't get, and then dump you again.

YES, he will cheat again. Don't settle for this guy, you are worth so much more.

I thought that mrs, if I had lived with two kids under five for a year I'd be pretty attached to them, he says he will miss them but in time they will get over it, he has left already

How can you even contemplate taking this selfish fucker back?

Just ups and leaves you after 15 years. It doesn't work out with shag number one, so he moves onto shag number two. That doesn't work out either, and now he wants to come back to you - apparently because he 'loves' you and 'thinks about you every day' and 'chooses' you over the others. Was he thinking about you when he was fucking the other women? When you 'love' someone .. you don't walk out on them, you don't have sex with other women.

And as for the "you'll have to lose some of this' and patted my stomach - he makes me feel inferior looks wise" ... who is he Brad flamin' Pitt? If you want to lose some weight, lose it for YOU - not this tosser.

If you take him back I guarantee it will only be a matter of time before he's off shagging someone else again. He clearly thinks he's summat special and that you are little wifey who he can keep dangling on a string, and I'm sorry to say but you aren't doing anything to change his perception, Going out to dinner with him, listening to him compare you to OW with his checklist. Read your OP again .... it's all about him and what he wants - where do you fit into all this?

Run for the hills! Block his number. Have nothing, whatsoever, to do with this 'man'.
Ughhh

I can see myself walking into this again and regretting that I wasn't string enough later

Please please don't go back with him, I can understand the pain 15 years is a long time, but it sounds to me like he's kept you on the back burner to keep his options open. You really deserve better. Cut him completely out of your life.