Take him back? After 3years?

[Undecided1999]

Long story short

Was with my partner for 15 years since 21, he left me for OW 3 years ago, just upped and left, no dcs.

I struggled to cope, he moved on with his OW, tried to get money he thought he was ' entitled' to ,they split up after 3months he tried to get back in with me, I said no. We then started to meet up now and again, he said he wanted to maybe give it another go, we weren't sleeping together and where just thinking things through really.

He meets another girl during this time and decides to go with her moves in with her and her children, about six months later he makes contact with me me and says he isn't happy again can he come home? I wasn't strong enough at this point so kept him at arms length, text now and again.

Situation is now this he has left the girl he was living with and is staying at his mums, he says he cares about the other girl, but chooses me over her, he says he loves me and never stopped loving me the time we where apart.

I want to try again but feel I can't trust him, we met for dinner last night these are some of the things he said

1. He will miss how she looks
2. He will miss the closeness they have (sex I presume)
3. She is too stressful for him
4. She is putting pressure on for marriage
5. She wants him to buy a house with her
6. The children are not his
7. If I didn't exist he might try to make it work with her
8. He chooses me over her
9. He loves me and thinks of me everyday

10. He wants to try again and move back in with me 11. He wants marriage and children with me 12. When he hugged me goodnight he said' you'll have too lose some of this' and patted my stomach - he makes me feel inferior looks wise, I am overweight but I'm not unattractive

Should I give it a go with him? I feel like it's now or never for me I've been alone since he left by choice and would like to be in a realtionship again, if I don't do this now I will have to move on for good.

God help me, that's how I feel

Callm I know deep down you are right but I suppose I feel like he must care because he wants to move back in? He could move back with his ex but he doesn't want to

I don't want to be on my own this Xmas again :-( silly I know

Then block his number, or better, change your number. First tell him you have to think about it, and that he won't be moving in this weekend, because you haven't made up your mind.

Then keep your distance and think it all through - coming to the conclusion EVERYONE here has come to - NEVER EVER!

OP you can come to mine for Christmas. I'll do you a stocking and everything.

There was a similar post on here a few months back.

The poster reeked of desperation and she was in an identical situation to yours. I suspect you will let this man back but don't think it's going to be like it was before.

You weren't enough for him then and you won't be enough for him now.

You are setting yourself up for a massive fall but as we all know the first cut is the deepest so next time round it won't hurt as much.

OP you will reap what you sow. Sounds like he doesn't want the hassle of OW kids. You're his safe bet.

I don't mean to sound harsh but I think your gut is sending massive warnings out to you, hence you posting here but you are just ignoring all the warnings!

Believe me it's worse being dumped with kids than without. Imagine him leaving when you have dc together or worse imagine marrying him and him having a nice claim on your house and pension pot!

He will screw you over OP so be v. v careful!

Monai that is so so sweet thank you :-) xxxx

Wake the fuck up, woman!

Ever heard of Miss Right?

Well, you're Miss Right Now!

He could move back with his ex but he doesn't want to

That's what he's told you. Far more likely is that she's kicked him out and he can't.

He doesn't care, he's been dumped by his latest shag and doesn't want to live at mummies anymore. HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU, he's a user, he will break you and you'll find it harder and harder to leave.

Please, please, please do not get back with this shitbag

Quite you are right I'm not listening to my gut, it's because of fear

Are you actually reading these answers? How did you feel when he told you to lose weight?

Have you thought about speaking to his ex to see what she has to say about him?

Did you see the texts he responded to her with?

I bet he told her he loved her? Wanted to marry her?

It's pretty rare that everyone is so unanimously emphatic on here, OP. There is a reason for that.

He wants to move back in with you because he thinks you're a doormat and he can get away with whatever he wants. Perhaps his other two exes weren't quite so forgiving of his cheating, lying, jibes etc.

I really doubt his motives. Trust your instinct!
You have time to meet someone who really cares and have kids.

Hell, if time ran out I'd rather have a kid fathered by a willing ONS than with someone who had told me he had no emotional attachment/will miss sex with the ex / tried to take me to court to get my money /all the other crap.

I've allowed myself to get sucked in again after all the work I did to pull myself up off the floor

Don't take him back. Get a dog walking the dog will help you get fit and probably meet lots of new people one of whom maybe mr hotty of the year. You do no need this prick in your life. He is using you, you know it, you said he'll shag around and then dump me!!! You know this is true. Just text that he can't move in you're not his stop gap and he can live with mummy.

Then get done self esteem and move on.

If you are thinking, Better the devil I know, it is self-defeating and risky.

he knows I will treat him right.

Whereas you stand every chance of being dumped on again. Don't do it.

PS Welcome to MN.

I am reading the answers and taking them all in, I'm just being honest about how I feel even though is patheic I know :-( I felt like shit when he said that, I remember when he was with the OW and he said to me that be just preferred being with a slimmer woman. He never said anything about my weight the whole time we were together

How are you going to deal with the constant thought going around your brain that he doesn't find you attractive? That is going to be very very hard. And it will fester. And you will constantly wonder where he is. And wonder if you are making him happy. And on it goes.

You might think you can handle those things and I suspect you will for a while but trust me your anger and resentment will build and seep into your relationship.

I think though, that you might need another go at this relationship before you start to believe what we are all telling you.

Quite, I thought about that earlier, say on our wedding day knowing that he will look at me and not think I'm beautiful, that's a very painful thing to bear

Your weight! OP do you mind roughly telling us what is your size? And do you have plans to change it, if not, that's going to a worry too

He think I'm pretty it's my weight he doesn't like, and no he's not brad Pitt far from it :-)

Can you afford some private therapy? I would strongly recommend talking to someone about this before thinking about taking this guy back. You wouldn't have to be signing up for years, just a few sessions to talk things over.

IMO this guy is a cocklodging, nasty user, who will waste your last childbearing years. But you can't listen to mine, or anyone's opinion because you are being motivated by fear and insecurity. Which is why I think seeing someone professional about this would be a huge help in letting you break out of the fear and move on.

I guarantee, if you weren't scared, you would never even consider getting together with this loser.

Honestly though, your future looks really bleak if you let him come back. He's not trying that hard even now, before he's back. Imagine how he'll be treating you in a years time.

Well OP even though, you still want to stick the knife into yourself