Take him back? After 3years?

[Undecided1999]

Long story short

Was with my partner for 15 years since 21, he left me for OW 3 years ago, just upped and left, no dcs.

I struggled to cope, he moved on with his OW, tried to get money he thought he was ' entitled' to ,they split up after 3months he tried to get back in with me, I said no. We then started to meet up now and again, he said he wanted to maybe give it another go, we weren't sleeping together and where just thinking things through really.

He meets another girl during this time and decides to go with her moves in with her and her children, about six months later he makes contact with me me and says he isn't happy again can he come home? I wasn't strong enough at this point so kept him at arms length, text now and again.

Situation is now this he has left the girl he was living with and is staying at his mums, he says he cares about the other girl, but chooses me over her, he says he loves me and never stopped loving me the time we where apart.

I want to try again but feel I can't trust him, we met for dinner last night these are some of the things he said

1. He will miss how she looks
2. He will miss the closeness they have (sex I presume)
3. She is too stressful for him
4. She is putting pressure on for marriage
5. She wants him to buy a house with her
6. The children are not his
7. If I didn't exist he might try to make it work with her
8. He chooses me over her
9. He loves me and thinks of me everyday

10. He wants to try again and move back in with me 11. He wants marriage and children with me 12. When he hugged me goodnight he said' you'll have too lose some of this' and patted my stomach - he makes me feel inferior looks wise, I am overweight but I'm not unattractive

Should I give it a go with him? I feel like it's now or never for me I've been alone since he left by choice and would like to be in a realtionship again, if I don't do this now I will have to move on for good.

Your consideration of this mans offer, is a perfect illustration that you are not ready to be dating anyone, let alone this toad, urgh!

Read back your OP, what would your advice be to a friend if they were presented with such a generous offer? Do you seriously want to be the 'She'll do for now, while I keep my options open' girl?

she does want him back he has shown me texts

Texts are easy to fake.

& WTF is he showing you her texts for. More to the point why are you reading them?

He wants to move back in on Sunday,

I'm sure he does. Option 1 = living with mother. Option 2= former home with guaranteed sex with a woman who is so desperate for male attention she will take me (who cheated on her and can tell her she's fat) right back no questions asked.

I suppose I feel no one else will love me

The sad thing for me in this statement is that you clearly do not love yourself very much if you are able to say such a thing.

It isn't true, lovely. You deserve to be loved and respected. And this man... doesn't. So if what you want is somebody who will love you, then you definitely need to bin this guy. Then you will have room to create real love in your life.

A man who cheated on you, puts you down, and keeps you as his fallback girl, does NOT love you.

Goats that's exactly what it is he is familiar, I remember all the good times and plans we made, I want kids too and at 38 I'm worried that I might miss my chance

It is a big boost to his ego that he has you both dangling.

He sounds like an absolute pig, to be honest - suggesting you lose weight and saying he will miss the OW.

I would never in a million years let any man treat me like this.

I hope you and the OW both dump him.

Jesus, this is depressing.

Absolutely not!!!!!! you are too good for him! There is someone much better out there for you, really!

You are so much more deserving that the crumbs he tosses in your direction but you have to believe that fact truly and for your own self. Your self worth is through the floor, that much is clear from your postings.

If he moves back in with you on Sunday (please for the love of all that is holy do not let him back in!) you will be miserable yet again come Monday.
Better to be alone than to be badly accompanied, he sees you as his fallback girl.

I want kids too and at 38 I'm worried that I might miss my chance

OK well then time is everything. Don't waste it with him.
If he moves back in, how can you date a nice new man?

Read back your posts and ask yourself:

1. What are he chances of him being faithful to you and still within you in 5 years time?
2. Why would you want to bring children into the world with such a man as their father? Do you want to be a single mother as that is where you will end up?

He has waited over a year for me to say come home does that mean anything? I said he could come back this weekend and we met last night to discuss the details, he said we wanted to tell him that he mind miss some parts of the girl he left unless he was sad for a bit, I don't know how that won't make me feel like second best

What you want him to be and what he actually is, are oceans apart. Let it go.

Torn between his dick and his head? No, he is just bouncing from one woman to the next. No one is good enough, so he moves on, or bounces back if no-one else is availble.

You are the stop-gap. He doesnt love you, or anyone. If he loved you he would be with you, prostrate with grief at what he's put you through, desperate to please you - not demanding that you lose your tummy! He'd love your tummy, if he loved you!

I said he could come back this weekend and we met last night to discuss the details

Well if you've already decided this you're on a collision course which can only end in disaster.

I don't mean to be rude but if you'd already decided you were going to take him back, why are you asking for advice?

God op, no!

As others have said, he's fucked your self esteem and you are so low you're really not thinking straight.

Please please update to say you've said no.

X

Why can't I let him go? Why can't I just do that.

How can someone be with you for 15 years and just turn into a twat overnight

You'd be an absolute fucking idiot to take him back.

I know how harsh that sounds, but, really? This is all you think you're worth? A man who cheats on you, strings you along, keeps you dangling on the hook and even when he's trying to worm his way back in (again), can't help but patronise and insult you?

It is not now or never for you. You are younger than I was when I met dp.

A bloke like this will make you miserable for the rest of your life. Don't even think about letting him back in. Move on for good, you are better than this.

I think he is torn really between his dick and his head

Why do you want to be the choice of either of those body parts? I want to be the choice of the entire body, no bits excepted, especially the heart.

He sounds like a massive cunt. And not in a good way. He's not even back with you and he's telling you to lose weight? I'd tell him to go fuck himself. You don't need this shit. You are worth far, far more. Everyone is!

OMG,

What an absolute nightmare!

I'm talking about you OP!

Please take everyone's advice on this thread and never, ever take this selfish,smug, self satisfied excuse for a human being back into your life again?

I'm wavering, there is a voice inside me which I can't shake telling me no, but my heart yearns for what we had

He is smut and be fancies himself, he has changed from the sweet man I knew, I suppose I hope he can change back

Smug

What did you have? You didn't have him- he had an OW. I know that sounds really mean, and I don't want to upset you, but it's true. Your heart yearns for the time when you thought you were being treated properly. That actually didn't exist, but it can with someone else.

OP, read your first post again.

You have got some big old rose tinted specs on there. This man dumped you without a backwards glance. 'Just upped and left' - your words.

He does not love you. You're a safe haven until someone more interesting comes along. Just like last time.

Don't do this to yourself.

Why can't I just walk away completely? I'm afraid of being completely alone

But you've been alone for 3 years. You managed fine.