Take him back? After 3years?

[Undecided1999]

Long story short

Was with my partner for 15 years since 21, he left me for OW 3 years ago, just upped and left, no dcs.

I struggled to cope, he moved on with his OW, tried to get money he thought he was ' entitled' to ,they split up after 3months he tried to get back in with me, I said no. We then started to meet up now and again, he said he wanted to maybe give it another go, we weren't sleeping together and where just thinking things through really.

He meets another girl during this time and decides to go with her moves in with her and her children, about six months later he makes contact with me me and says he isn't happy again can he come home? I wasn't strong enough at this point so kept him at arms length, text now and again.

Situation is now this he has left the girl he was living with and is staying at his mums, he says he cares about the other girl, but chooses me over her, he says he loves me and never stopped loving me the time we where apart.

I want to try again but feel I can't trust him, we met for dinner last night these are some of the things he said

1. He will miss how she looks
2. He will miss the closeness they have (sex I presume)
3. She is too stressful for him
4. She is putting pressure on for marriage
5. She wants him to buy a house with her
6. The children are not his
7. If I didn't exist he might try to make it work with her
8. He chooses me over her
9. He loves me and thinks of me everyday

10. He wants to try again and move back in with me 11. He wants marriage and children with me 12. When he hugged me goodnight he said' you'll have too lose some of this' and patted my stomach - he makes me feel inferior looks wise, I am overweight but I'm not unattractive

Should I give it a go with him? I feel like it's now or never for me I've been alone since he left by choice and would like to be in a realtionship again, if I don't do this now I will have to move on for good.

He left you 3 years ago ?

snap

He did after all those years he left within 15 mins he came back the next day telling me he was t physically attracted to me and had no emotional attachment with me

Do you really, truly, think this man could make you happy? Given everything he's put you through in the last few years? Be honest.

He's not the answer, OP. He's really not.

He's using you to fill a gap until his next shag comes along. Stop letting him fill your gap and get rid...he sounds like a scumbag.

I'm so angry reading this, angry that you'd ever consider getting back with this using piece of shit

That voice inside you is your gut, telling you that this man makes you confused and unhappy and low (which is exactly how you are coming across on this thread).

Listen to it. If it feels uncomfortable, it's because it's just not right for you.

"Why can't I let him go?"

Fear and insecurity, mostly. These things can be overcome. Fear and insecurity are NOT good guides when it comes to making relationship choices.

Don't be afraid. Get to know yourself and what you want out of your life. Get to know how much you are really worth. You won't even actually be alone, just without someone who treated you like shit. You'll also be surrounded by possibilities and opportunities for happiness. xx

I've read some stuff on here that has made me think WHOA WTF but this has to be a contender for the most ludicrous thread.

If you are even considering taking this man back based on things said and done in the past then you yourself OP are beyond any help or advice that I could give!!!

You have done so well moving forward, do not let him worm his way back into your life!

He did and I've managed, I don't like being alone, we have always remained in touch, he was there for me even though we were t in a realtionship

None of this makes sense.

they split up after 3months he tried to get back in with me, I said no

So if you said no before, what's different now? The position is FAR worse now.

I'm sorry everyone, I know I sound pathetic. I suppose he is all I've known for so long and I want to try and make it work I want to believe in him

No way! My god, you're far too good for this man. What nasty self-centred behaviour. The stomach-pat says it all. I think you know that. Hang on and find someone who is a better man, and who makes you feel good. Once you say goodbye to your ex once and for all, I bet you will.

I really didn't trust him after 3 months it was raw, he was trying to get money from my house too at that time

Both my parents have died but I know what they both would say they would be horrified

You have already wasted 15 fertile years on this man. 15 years. He is using your desire for kids as a carrot to string you along. He is a selfish pig, and you are worth more than this. Time to get rid of him and find your self respect. If you don't, you will be in the exact same position in another 10 years, and by then it will definitely be too late for the children you long for.

He was trying to get money from your house???

What do I said to him? I feel like I need him in my life as security but he does nothing for me in the last three years except help with my car a bit that's all

You don't sound pathetic. You sound like you're being manipulated by a selfish, unfeeling man who doesn't deserve you. Be strong!

When I read depressing posts like this I sometimes despair that womankind has not moved on since medieval times when women were chattels and our lives were about the bridal ( read bridle!).

You may never have children but you could lead a veryfulfilling life doing everything women with children find ithard to do.

Theres a huge world out there sweetheart . You dont need to be harnessed to someone who will end up making your life hell.

Tell him you've changed your mind . Women can make it on there own and you don't need a twelve stone useless appendage hanging on your coat tails.

What a dick!

Tell him to fuck off and get some counselling oh yes and a good mechanic

"Why can't I let him go? Why can't I just do that".

My answers to that would be your own low self esteem, fear of the unknown, insecurity in yourself and your own issues of co-dependency.

Why do you think you can't let him go?. He has you on a string to tug at when required. He is treating you like a mug and sadly for you, you are allowing him to do this to you.

Run away as fast as you can. This guy will make you miserable. Quite honestly you'd be better going to a sperm bank than having kids with him.

Sorry I'm blurting this put I'm just so confused, he did try to take me to court when he first left didn't get far though

He is giving you nothing in terms of security - he is actively making you insecure. Listen to what you say about your parents. They, I'm sure, loved and cared for you - which is why they'd be horrified. Show that same love and care for yourself.

Get a cat ! or a dog....