Take him back? After 3years?

[Undecided1999]

Long story short

Was with my partner for 15 years since 21, he left me for OW 3 years ago, just upped and left, no dcs.

I struggled to cope, he moved on with his OW, tried to get money he thought he was ' entitled' to ,they split up after 3months he tried to get back in with me, I said no. We then started to meet up now and again, he said he wanted to maybe give it another go, we weren't sleeping together and where just thinking things through really.

He meets another girl during this time and decides to go with her moves in with her and her children, about six months later he makes contact with me me and says he isn't happy again can he come home? I wasn't strong enough at this point so kept him at arms length, text now and again.

Situation is now this he has left the girl he was living with and is staying at his mums, he says he cares about the other girl, but chooses me over her, he says he loves me and never stopped loving me the time we where apart.

I want to try again but feel I can't trust him, we met for dinner last night these are some of the things he said

1. He will miss how she looks
2. He will miss the closeness they have (sex I presume)
3. She is too stressful for him
4. She is putting pressure on for marriage
5. She wants him to buy a house with her
6. The children are not his
7. If I didn't exist he might try to make it work with her
8. He chooses me over her
9. He loves me and thinks of me everyday

10. He wants to try again and move back in with me 11. He wants marriage and children with me 12. When he hugged me goodnight he said' you'll have too lose some of this' and patted my stomach - he makes me feel inferior looks wise, I am overweight but I'm not unattractive

Should I give it a go with him? I feel like it's now or never for me I've been alone since he left by choice and would like to be in a realtionship again, if I don't do this now I will have to move on for good.

I was considering it til the tummy-patting bit. What a wanker!!!

Don't take him back.

I cannot believe you actually thought that dating this guy (again) was a good idea. And why would you expect flowers from this piece of shit who has treated you like crap.

I just don't get it.

Just stop contacting him.

Don't respond when he contacts you.

Move on. You are a grown woman and you do not need validation from this man.

To say "get a grip" is harsh but unfortunately it is precisely what you need to do. Get a grip on your new life and enjoy it. He will only wear you down.

I asked him to just tell me he isnt interested and let me go

HEY!! < throws cold bucket of water over Undecided >
SNAP OUT OF IT! WAKE UP.

He is obviously not interested and you know it. Go back and read everything you have written and tell me what you would say to your best friend if she told you all this.

The most frustrating part is that you do know it. You know it in your heart. You are saying it yourself ^"all i get it is shat on, if he truly loved me"> etc.

By saying "I asked him to ... let me go" you are wimpily ceding control to him.

Come on! Empower yourself! Grab life by the horns!! Let's go girl! Team MN on board with you!

You take control. YOU decide you are done with this. Take back the power here. Send him one last communication. Tell him that you are no longer interested in having any contact with him and you have moved on.

Then block his email, delete his number from your phone book, if you can block his number with your service provider (so you don't have to have it stored on your phone so you have the ability to have a sneaky look for it when you get drunk).

Stay away from him. Please.

You are his back up/fall back option. Someone he can keep on the backburner until something better turns up.
Time for you to wisen up and grow a backbone.
You are worth so much more and deserve so much better than this man. Please delete and block.
You know he will never get any better than you, perhaps he will realise that one day but by then l hope you will have moved on and not be giving him a second thought.
Come on OP you can do this

Undecided - am I right in recognising you from a thread at the time of your breakup? You had no job, got one quite quickly, had a massive dog, he got a tattoo of OW on his finger, there was a trip to Ireland that might have been a wedding, your house needed a lot of work doing to it?

Please please move on. You are seeing him for what he is in your last post. He is not for you. Move on now. You worry you're leaving it late to have kids - you are while you still pin your hopes on him, but not if you move on.

Stop meeting him. Full stop.

^ That's who I thought it was too.

Aimey - I was on that thread too. I didn't associate this one with Startingagain, but it could be...I'm pretty sure she was stronger, tho.

OP - stop giving him the power over you. Why do you need him to 'let you go'? You don't! You can let him go. I hereby give you the permission to fuck him off completely. Let him go.

he got a tattoo of OW on his finger,

You what?

captainmummy That's right, Startingagain - at the end of that thread, she was meeting up with him from time to time, and also still sounded very lonely. If this is you again, or not, take strength from having survived 3 years without this waste-of-space-manchild, and make that break another day longer, each and every day.

'I think he is torn really between his dick and his head'

Really? Becuse I think it's clear that actually he is just a dickhead.

I get your feeling torn, I honestly do. I have been where you are in my early twenties. Love of my life boyfriend left me, not just once but 3 times. Every time I took him back because I just couldn't face life without him, because what we had was, for a long while, so perfect...right up to the point he dumped me 2 days before we were due to move in together and got engaged to his new girlfriend a month later.

It took me a long time to get over him. A long time. But now that I have a DH who treats me well and who has a great deal of respect for me I can clearly see that the first love guy...I didn't love him...I had VERY low self esteem and he saw that and realised that all he had to do to keep stringing me along was to continually perpetuate the myth that I wasn't good enough/thin enough/funny enough for him....but that somehow he couldn't keep away.

This ex of yours has really done a number on you...and now you believe he is as good as you will ever have. He's not, really, truly, you can do MUCh better.

Sit and think, really think about what you want your life to be like with someone. You will never be able to trust this guy again....is that what you want....is that what you want for your kids? (When you have them) a father that fucks off when he feels like it and trys to take half of everything mummy worked hard to create? Because I can almost guarantee you that's what this man will do. He doesn't love you, he loves the idea that you'll come running if he says the right things. Don't go there, you are worth so much more.