Take him back? After 3years?

[Undecided1999]

Long story short

Was with my partner for 15 years since 21, he left me for OW 3 years ago, just upped and left, no dcs.

I struggled to cope, he moved on with his OW, tried to get money he thought he was ' entitled' to ,they split up after 3months he tried to get back in with me, I said no. We then started to meet up now and again, he said he wanted to maybe give it another go, we weren't sleeping together and where just thinking things through really.

He meets another girl during this time and decides to go with her moves in with her and her children, about six months later he makes contact with me me and says he isn't happy again can he come home? I wasn't strong enough at this point so kept him at arms length, text now and again.

Situation is now this he has left the girl he was living with and is staying at his mums, he says he cares about the other girl, but chooses me over her, he says he loves me and never stopped loving me the time we where apart.

I want to try again but feel I can't trust him, we met for dinner last night these are some of the things he said

1. He will miss how she looks
2. He will miss the closeness they have (sex I presume)
3. She is too stressful for him
4. She is putting pressure on for marriage
5. She wants him to buy a house with her
6. The children are not his
7. If I didn't exist he might try to make it work with her
8. He chooses me over her
9. He loves me and thinks of me everyday

10. He wants to try again and move back in with me 11. He wants marriage and children with me 12. When he hugged me goodnight he said' you'll have too lose some of this' and patted my stomach - he makes me feel inferior looks wise, I am overweight but I'm not unattractive

Should I give it a go with him? I feel like it's now or never for me I've been alone since he left by choice and would like to be in a realtionship again, if I don't do this now I will have to move on for good.

You have just said that you know he is manipulative. He has manipulated you to the extent that you feel he has the right to "choose" which woman he wants to be with. Please choose to put yourself first and ditch him. He is already putting you down and making you compare yourself to the other woman. He sounds horrendous.

I don't know why I can't let go, I suppose it the memory of the good times we had, how sweet he was to me for so long.

I'm afraid that no one will love me the way he did, I've been alone for a while now and I would like someone in my life.

He was everything to me and when he left it nearly killed me and I suppose I think that he loved me once surely we wouldn't be so cruel as to hurt me like this again and again, why do I deserve this?

He's told me that he doesn't want to be with his ex anymore and has broken up with her

There is something holding me back from cutting him off, I'm scared, scared of being completely alone

the only way you are going to get over him is go no contact completely. No being the fallback girl. I bet if you didn't have a home and money he would not be pursuing you. Except he isn't really doing that much is he. I bet he is having sex with his ex still even now.

You are living on the memory of someone who was a bit nice to you for a short time years ago, prob the first year or 2 of your relationship. And since then you have been clinging on hoping he will turn back into that person - but he won't will he.

Look at all the other things he told you in his list...

1. He will miss how she looks
2. He will miss the closeness they have (sex I presume)
12. When he hugged me goodnight he said' you'll have too lose some of this' and patted my stomach - he makes me feel inferior looks wise, I am overweight but I'm not unattractive

Less than a week ago and he is already treating you like crap again!

He has you where he wants you. At his beck and call accepting any scrap he throws your way.

If his other stuff doesn't work out. You will do until something better comes along.

He will screw not one but many other women while with you. He will dump you for them and take a massive chunk of your property if you are married.

Please get some dignity and self esteem and stay away from this man.

Leave him now and get over it rather than when it is too late, years down the line and you are tied to him with children forever and have given up all your good years.

Chrissy, I'm sorry I sound pathetic I know it's just how I feel, he's aids he's not seeing his ex, but not to hear from him all night makes me think he might be at least talking to her now.

you don't sound pathetic - you sound very sad and like you will only see the good in him. You need to find your self esteem and start recognizing you deserve far more than he will ever offer you. Why do you think you only deserve a partner as uncommitted and unreliable as him. Why do you think it is acceptable of him to tell you to lose weight and say how much he will miss her. Everyone here is incredulous that you think that is ok. I am sure you would never speak to a friend in that way - but you think you should accept it from him?

I mean you go for a drink and he even has you driving him home. What if you married and had kids - then he will have affairs, leave you and have legal claim to your home and money. Plus taking your child/ren to spend time with his current girlfriend during his contact time. That is the future if you put up with him now.

and just because he says he isn't seeing her doesn't mean he is telling you the truth does it?

God no! Run for the hills. You can do far better than this.

Remember it's not what he says that counts it what he has done and continues to do that shows you who he really is.

No sex with you for three years - even though he's had the chance? Very, very odd IMO.

I'm wondering if he is attracted to you in that way? His behaviour would suggest otherwise.

You're on a hiding to nothing. Contact his ex, see what she says

You will never be able to trust him and will always suspect he is being unfaithful, and will usually be right. He will continue to destroy your self esteem. That's the only reason you think you need him because you have become dependent on his approval over time. 15 years is a long time, don't waste any more of your predacious life. And you are NOT pathetic. He is for treating you this way.

Precious! Not even sure what the other word means

op he doesn't fancy you. He want some kind of security of you and when he meets the next new hot thing he will be gone. Don't fall for his self piting crocodile tears!

You deserve so so much more. Stop hurting yourself by keep g this horrible prick in your life.

If you wanted to be with him you would not have started the thread. He sounds too dreadful even for me to bother with, and my back catalogue of exes has some first class stinkers in it.

Very telling you haven't had sex since.

You need to read and listen to this

I haven't wanted to because we have never reconciled

undecided he probably is speaking to her or maybe he has is eye on some one else.

Wake up love - this man is no good. He is a user and a complete bastard.

You need to work on your self esteem. Dp would never ever say to me I need to lose weight - even after we had dd2 and I ballooned. He loves me so would never be so hurtful.

You can't meet some one who treats you like a queen with this wanker lurking in the wings. Have you been single since him?

I do only want to see the good in him I loved him .

I do need to lose weight but it was incredibly insensitive of him to say that and that he will miss his ex( he said he wanted to be honest), I've allowed myself to be sucked in, perhaps I thought he'd seen the light, honestly his performance was a tearjerker how do they lie so easily?

OP if you take this pathetic user back you will regret it for the rest of your life. He will treat you like shit all over again and what little dignity you have will be smeared all over the ground and you will hate yourself even more if that is even possible.

You are BETTER than this :(

I've met other guys at work etc but not been interested in taking it further, I'm sorry that I'm so low, I've allowed myself to be fooled again....

We were both crying in the pub last night how can be be so cruel? Or am I overeacting that he didn't call yet?

Yes, 15 years and this. I was with ex H for more than 15 years.

I've since had a couple of great relationships although they haven't been long term they have been great.

Heard the expression 'throwing good money after bad'? You will be throwing more of the best years of your life away.

Oh and I'm a few sizes larger than you, if your view of your weight is holding you back please don't let it. It hasn't stopped me.

Christ, run for the hills...

Over 20 years ago my then boyfriend left me for another woman. We 'had' to keep on living together for a while because I was a mug and he couldn't afford to move out, but he spent most of his time with her and I had to watch him leave over and over again. About 3 weeks later we started sleeping together again, and that carried on for 2 years.

I longed for every scrap he casually tossed my way. I thought every time that he would look at me and change his mind and love me again. I convinced myself it must mean that he cared really because the alternative was that he was just using me and I couldn't really cope with that - what it said about me or him or the history we shared. But he was using me OF COURSE, and he never came back to me properly.

Please, don't do it. Every time he steps out of the door you'll wonder who he is meeting. Is he meeting the ex? Has he met someone new? Are they sleeping together? Is today the day he'll meet someone else? Is today the day he'll just up and leave AGAIN? It will crush you further down that you think possible and break your heart.

Don't give him the power. Just don't.

His man enjoys hurting you. He honestly has no respect for you at all. He was using the guise of 'just wanting to be honest' to damage your esteem further. Who the fuck says those things when they apparently are begging their way back in.

He knows your going to take him back.

My friends 'ex' went to stay at his mothers for a week for a break when in fact he took another girl abroad. He was still fucking phoning her every night, talkng about taking her kids out ect.. She found out on the last night and was heart broke. He tried saying they didn't sleep together, cried, did the whole snot thing. He was lying out his arse.

He cries so convincingly because he is the star actor of his one show.

He sounds like a scociopath. Look it up. X