To feel anxious about asking my partner for this money

[GirlWithTheLionHeart]

I've just emailed him as I'm way into my overdraft and it's worrying me.

I paid £390 to bailiffs over council tax that I didn't even know was owed from a couple of years ago when we were living together.

I then paid the whole water bill £490 for the year when we left.

I was on unpaid maternity at that point and had to use my precious little savings on it all. I'm now working pt as my ds is still a toddler and earn little. He did pay all the rent in those places, hence why I feel mean but I always paid for food, clothes, nappies for ds etc

I also pay for hp on a car he insisted we buy at £210 a month. I part exchanged my old car in and just wanted to get a newer used car - not finance, he insisted he wanted a newer car - he pays for the insurance (which he put in his name so he gets the benefit of no claims).

He earns £60k+

I feel anxious now I've sent the email.

His card was declined....are you sure he is saving op?

Separate finances seem to work in his favour only. It needs to change.

Wheresthelight "DP is on an excellent wage thankfully and if I ask he gives me whatever money I need"

If you ask?! Can't you get a joint account?

Thanks everyone. Been together 5 years and it hasn't been much fun.

Feeling a little lost and numb to be honest. I'll be ok though

Thanks for working that out Imperial

Lion and Loved - best of luck to both you, you'd be better without either of them. Shocking behaviour from your partners.

I've always subliminally known we wouldn't be together 'forever'

As I've grown, I've changed a lot and he hasn't. I know I need better from a partnership.

Whenever I choose to get into another relationship, which I'm not rushing into for a long time, it will have to be with someone very different i.e kind, generous, positive

OP just checking that when he gets home, you and ds will be safe? If he's been aggressive in the past, are you sure this won't be a trigger for even worse aggression? Have you got a big friend who can come and sit with you?

What a cunt he is.

Oh Lionheart, this man is awful.

Have you reported the abuse to the police ? A record may be needed in the future to protect you or your child.

Girlwiththelionheart - I'm sorry it has come to this but it sounds like you will be better off. And not just financially.

Loved - you deserve more too.

My marriage is far from perfect but DH puts me and DS first. He cares for us. We all deserve to be with someone who puts us first. You should feel valued and respected. If any man is mean with money with his children it should be a huge red flag.

Respect yourself. You are worth so much more than a mean, abusive excuse for a man.

because we don't need a joint account. I can have whatever I want dp isn't tight with money he pays money into my account every month to pay my phone bill and credit cards and would happily pay more in if I wanted him to but it's far easier to have everything come out of one account and thanks to my arsehole of an ex my credit rating is below zero.

do not assume that you know anything about me or my dp littlebear because you know precisely squat

he has done you a favour.

Don't go crawling back to him.

Make plans for your new life without him.

He has done this so you apologise and STFU so he can go back to abusing and controlling you.

I did just repeat what you'd said, wheresthelight. No need to get so antsy. Your post did suggest a certain 1950s approach where you could have thinfs if you asked. I'm glad you don't have to ask.

Good luck, Lionheart. Are you expecting him back tonight?

I hope you are ok Lion.

How you're ok lion, when you have a 'wibble' you make sure you go back and read that long list of abusive behaviour you have listed so you never ever go back to living like that.
He's going to expect you to be begging him to take you back and get a shock when he realises you're not so he'll up the anti then as hell have lost his control over you.

You can do this, stay strong

'Hope' not how. Excuse typos

Loved, that's no way to live. What are you going to do?

How are you this morning lion?

I don't think he's saving. Especially if his card was declined.

Is he a gambler? Drug user?

Hi, thanks for asking, I'm ok. He's not staying here at the moment anyway so there's nothing to separate anyway really.

He messaged to ask if he could see ds this morning doesn't usually bother.

Just feel upset by the comments on his email tbh, not nice to know that someone you've been with for five years and have a child with thinks so lowly of you

I am sorry you have had to put up with this man's bullshit. When you read his emails don't take what he says personally, he is the one with the problem not you. No matter who is partner was he would probably say the exact same things. It really isn't you. This guy is a fuck up and he is stifling your potential. The sooner you start fresh without him the better.

Thanks Irish

Feel upset he couldn't have tried harder to be a better supportive partner and father.

He's more interested in video games, football and work. They come first.

Feel sad we never went on a family holiday together. Feel sad for my ds

I couldn't be with someone so negative though. It was grinding me down.

Don't feel sad, now you and your son can go on the kind of holidays YOU want to, to do what YOU want to, without thinking of anyone but yourself and son.

You sound SO SO SO much better off without him, I know its sad, but you will get through it all. Please make sure you get legal advise regarding Child Maintenance and visiting rights, get everything set in stone now.

If you need to, go to citizens advice for financial advise (sorry if that has been repeated)

Best foot forward, I bet you do brilliantly :)

Thank you Jennco.

He wanted to meet for lunch to talk but I said no. So he suggested tomorrow, which I've agreed to as we do need to talk.