To feel anxious about asking my partner for this money

[GirlWithTheLionHeart]

I've just emailed him as I'm way into my overdraft and it's worrying me.

I paid £390 to bailiffs over council tax that I didn't even know was owed from a couple of years ago when we were living together.

I then paid the whole water bill £490 for the year when we left.

I was on unpaid maternity at that point and had to use my precious little savings on it all. I'm now working pt as my ds is still a toddler and earn little. He did pay all the rent in those places, hence why I feel mean but I always paid for food, clothes, nappies for ds etc

I also pay for hp on a car he insisted we buy at £210 a month. I part exchanged my old car in and just wanted to get a newer used car - not finance, he insisted he wanted a newer car - he pays for the insurance (which he put in his name so he gets the benefit of no claims).

He earns £60k+

I feel anxious now I've sent the email.

I also don't understand the logic of posting "why did you get yourself into this situation" type posts when someone is looking for advice on how to get out.

In the short term maybe not; in the long term understanding why one got into a bad situation is vital to prevent it happening again.

Phaedra, I agree - but in the middle of the situation, it's not too helpful - and there are ways of doing which don't berate someone already in the crap it eg "once this is all over, it could be helpful to..."

That's why, Phaedra, when the poster has started to free herself both mentally and emotionally, as well as practically, she can be pointed to the Freedom Programme and similar. I assume that most ops were once women with a modicum of intelligence who could pick up how to manage money sensibly if they weren't in the middle of the FOG of abuse. I prefer to assume intelligence than stupidity until people show evidence of stupidity, and being abused is not evidence of stupidity. Abusive bastards like to pick women who are intelligent, successful, independent - much better thrill when they get them under the thumb doncha know?

I assume that most ops were once women with a modicum of intelligence who could pick up how to manage money sensibly if they weren't in the middle of the FOG of abuse

I think Mumsnet is the proof of that statement. The quality of the posts from the people who have survived abusive relationships shows that.