New name, new game, less stress, more progress! (Thanks to Rottie!)

[thenamehaschanged]

Here goes - thread 4 and definitely the last one now, sheesh!!

Who knew instigating divorce could be so bloody long winded!!

My last thread was 'It isn't Work Stress, it's emotional abuse and you're going to get divorced because of it H!'

Rottweiler solicitor (Rottie) and a non molestation order on Tuesday yippee!!

I can't believe his solicitor wrote all that guff...

I bet that Twatty has sold his solicitor a completely false story on what has happened. If he (and his family) are so delusional, they will be telling the solicitor the same crappy lies that they will tell anyone else who will listen. This solicitor will find out in due course what he is really like

I think slumping in a heap will be somewhat mandatory Name - its hard for the body to run at that level of stress for so, so long, and now that you are physically removed from it, it will be a good chance for you to recover physically, mentally and emotionally. Take good care of yourself, you deserve that

KOKO, and bollocks to the twatty story that TwatChops is going to tell people. We know the truth, and we support you in it

I think slumping in a heap will be somewhat mandatory Name

but the time when you are the slim single mum keeping fit at the gym, a bit of pampering, some girls nights out, the odd online date will come.

To thoroughly enjoy our children, we have to enjoy their absences too.

Defo Cheminotte, thank you

Nice one Zazzles thank you think you're probably right, his solicitor will see his true colours soon!

Thanks Coyo and absolutely agree there re the kids - I've been with them day in day out now for ages so it'll be good.

I've been in bed since half 8 some pp ages and ages ago posted the quote 'this too shall pass' and it will. I'm over the worst, just need to rest now before carrying on my journey to happiness - Christ I sound like a hobbit!

Oh name - please don't be hard on yourself - you must be absolutely exhausted, physically and emotionally. It is absolutely a journey and you need to look after yourself. So you did the school run in pj's? you went to get your haircut (I would have just gone back to bed at this point and cancelled the appointment) then went back to bed? Good for you - your body is telling you that you need it - go with it for now. You have to take care of yourself - so you can care for your children. I remember when exdh left 5 years ago. We all piled into my bed in a state of shock - I did a fair few runs with a jimjam top under my fleece! you are doing amazingly and doing what you need to. I don't post often but I can get through a whole tub of taramasalata whilst catching up - take care x

I'll be lucky if I get out of bed most of Sunday!

YOU.
JAMMY.
BITCH.
and x 1 bazillion

Hey, we're on the last page!!! Please do start another fred and link it. You're mainly out of the woods, but there's more we still things to go, support to be shared, warmth to go around.

Sleep well jammy wonderful woman.

You've had an incredibly draining few months it's hardly surprising that you need to seriously chill, relax & recover as your adrenalin levels drop.

When you are child free then spending the day sleeping is not a wasted day

Seriously. After 10 years I still view it as a much needed day of selfishness

Don't forget to feed the hamsters...

You're being too hard on yourself NAME.
The super-fit, fun nights out you is there..... because you have set that phase of your life in motion.
Now, you are still healing from the emotional injuries that tw@tchops has caused you.
You wouldn't break your leg & be down on yourself because you can't run a marathon. You'd give it time to heal.
That's what this & the next few contact weekends are about, giving yourself time to heal.
Have a onesie day. Watch your favourite TV, eat your favourite food, drink a little too much wine if you feel like it; once in a while won't hurt.
Above all, be kind to yourself. You ARE this AMAZING woman who has taken control & cut the rot out of her own life.
Enjoy this weekend because you can use the time to think only about yourself & start to heal.

I haven't gone through this sort of madness for donkey's years, and if I want to spend a day in bed and I can - then I do! Now't wrong with a day in bed!

Aw thank you so so much EVERYONE - that has made me feel tons better

I've got 3 hours til I need to leave with the kids to drop them off - so I'll have a tidy up, feed the hamsters!! And then when I've dropped them with H's brother I'm going to buy some nice food treats and come home and hibernate! Hot bath, pj's, a film or two and loads of sleep!

That made me laugh Pedant thank you!

Thanks Frances brill motivating words and encouragement.

Thanks Jezzpax great words too

There's some post for H that I need to put in the kids bag. So weird!

If I do another Fred, that's going to be 5!! like I said before, if I'd had Rottie from the beginning this would have all been over and done with in 2 threads max! It's solicitor 1's fault that it's dragged on this long. Ok I will start another one but I should think this time it will just fizzle out half way through, or else what am I, MN's resident author haha!

Have lovely weekends everyone

I think its inevitable that you will need sleep, and lots of it. You have been on edge, driven by stress and adrenaline for weeks/months now, so the exhaustion is to be expected.
Its a good sign because your body is assessing it as safe to allow you to crash

Completely agree with NettleTea - sleep is good. it's when growth and tissue repair hormones are released.

Have a nice week-end.

I see it ultimately as a positive thing that things have dragged on though, as it has given you more opportunity to see him how he truly is, recognise his little tricks and the full extent of his lunacy! Remember how much you doubted yourself in the beginning and let him convince you it was worth trying again. You might not have had the resolve to stick to this, and get stronger in yourself if he'd been turfed out sooner. You've had more support on here in the meantime with these wonderful vipers pointing out things you hadn't thought of, and you've had more time to continue the Freedom programme.

All strength to you name, you sound like such a terrific person and you're almost unrecognisable from the woman who started that first thread.

Enjoy this evening, and deal with tomorrow when it comes xxxx

Hope all went well with the drop-off. Hope that you are all nested in with lovely things to eat and drink.

You do as many freds as you need. We'll be here!

Name I just wanted to say how much I know and understand that feeling of dropping off the children and how empty it can feel. But that feeling does not last, the first time it might feel awful, and the second and the third but gradually it becomes easier and as long as they are safe, that time can become a little haven of time for you.

It takes a while because in many ways, in the bad times the feeling of you and them against the world becomes your world. Baby steps and slowly it will become a time when you start to stretch your wings and allow yourself to just be you. Dont worry if this time it feels awful, it will get better (as long as you know they are safe) and you can start to enjoy these short windows of time where you have nothing but you to think about.

If you can allow yourself to relax and do something entirely for you- do it, and feel no guilt. It is OK. You are OK. Your are on your way...

C'mon Name - you've still got the rollercoaster of divorce to endure enjoy!

Sleep whilst you can I say!

My next sleep is schedule for January 13th!

Sleeping is good, very healing, and life must have very exhausting jumping to his demands all the time! Rest while you can. Being well rested makes everything else so much easier to handle!

Mmmmm, long hot bath, with book and tea, is what I'd be doing for quite a lot of Sunday if I ever had the house to myself.

Hope your day involved lots of rest and quite a lot of chocolate.

Thanks everyone

Songbird I didn't think of it like that, thank you, I suppose I am a different person now.

Thanks Orangefusion, great words there. Made me feel loads better

Hey wwk! Jan 13th you say? Wow! And you'll be scheduled to wake up around the 15th no doubt. Hope things not too bad your end.

Urgh well, yesterday didn't go quite according to plan but ultimately was positive I think. Met H's brother at the station with the girls at 2pm. He told me H was in a coffee shop round the corner and that did I want him to drop the kids to H and then me and him could go for a chat. I know the sensible thing would have been to say no but I couldn't be bare faced like that so I agreed. It's ok stbxbil is alright and has had plenty of run ins himself with H.

So we went for a drink - he told me he's happy to act as go between now until hopefully h and I can communicate about the kids in a civil way - talked a bit about H, he's in anger management (hahaha), he's actually becoming obsessive about 'fixing' himself and H's brother cracked a joke that could he have my solicitors details so he could divorce H as well. He's getting it all now basically. Anyway, I made it quite clear that it is 100% over and he totally gets it, though did well up at one point.

I'm actually glad I did that, I know his brother is just as much on my side as he is on H's so I can always turn to him if I have a problem with H in the future.

Anyway, ended up having 3 drinks so when I left I felt quite pissed! Stopped at Sainsburys for all these treats I'd promised myself, ended up with a load of dubious looking crap - came home, had another wine because I thought I was in the mood, couldn't finish it and ended up in bed at 9!.....which is where I still am, being a totally lazy bitch!!

Think I'll venture downstairs in a minute though.

Hope you're all well everyone

Staying in bed late is what Sundays are for. It even says so in the Bible (sort of)!

Very glad BiL was supportive, and that H stayed well away. Wishing you a restful, very lazy Sunday which you're thoroughly in need of.

I couldn't be bare faced like that so I agreed

I appreciate that it went ok with the brother yesterday - but you really do have to come to terms with saying no is not bare faced!

There are a myriad of ways to say no if you don't want to actually say 'no'

But you are more than entitled to say no. Whichever way you want to.

Have a lovely lazy day - you deserve one after all these years.

Hope you enjoyed your lazy, snoozy morning! I'm having mine right now!

I think things went very well for you! BiL sounds like a lovely guy and will be a good ally for you. Probably an unnecessary warning, but still do be careful of what you tell him (as far as divorce/financial stuff). Not that he would be 'fishing' or a 'spy', just that he may say something to H that he thinks would be helpful to you but isn't. Although he says he understands, H is still his brother and I expect he would like it if things could work out, even though he accepted your position.

Have a lovely quiet day until the DDs get back. You deserve some peace and silence!

name Read your update a few hours ago and I didn't want to put a downer on things but my gut reaction was just as pond has said. Be careful what you say to BiL. He may well be the nicest guy on the planet, but is still DHs brother and I would be very, very careful what you tell him.
Also taking you for a drink and you getting a bit tipsy!? I am being overly suspicious I'm sure.....as I tend to be...but putting another perspective can't harm and I'm sure I'm probably wrong.
You've come so far and your instincts haven't let you down yet, but I would still tread very carefully.

Not long now til the girls are back