New name, new game, less stress, more progress! (Thanks to Rottie!)

[thenamehaschanged]

Here goes - thread 4 and definitely the last one now, sheesh!!

Who knew instigating divorce could be so bloody long winded!!

My last thread was 'It isn't Work Stress, it's emotional abuse and you're going to get divorced because of it H!'

Rottweiler solicitor (Rottie) and a non molestation order on Tuesday yippee!!

Im guessing that he is hoping that the solicitors letter will demonstrate how serious he is, after all its all down there on legally represented paper. He is so full of himself that he cant imagine that you might not WANT to get back, that all he needs to do is change and you will come back, eternally thankful that he has seen the light!

And is he sure that his work are happy to give him the next 5 years off while he does all that therapy??

Watch for a change when he realises that you are carrying on regardless of all his effort.

Haven't commented for a while, Name, but just have to congratulate you, brilliant news!

YES!!!!!!

Fab news, Name! hooray, party tonight

I hope this doesn't come across as too strong Name but he's bona fide nuts. Definitely ... a screw loose somewhere, something is definitely way out of whack with that one.

After everything he's said, done, you've been through, his actions, your actions ... he gets them to write that he 'desperately wants to reconcile' and think you are even going to consider that for a fucking nano-section! How many times have you heard it, seen it, done it, lived it and been on the receiving end of it all before, and what lengths you have had to go to, to get to this point, and yet still he thinks that reconciliation is on the cards - once he's sorted himself out, thus cancelling out the years of abuse, and you will be there to say, 'oh ok then' and welcome him back?

Unbelievable.

I'd be writing back - 'please advise your client there is absolutely no possibility of reconciliation' ..... and then watch old 'mea culpa' change.

Glad you're back home - he must have a contract if he's getting paid leave

Greg'll be round about 9.

His admitting the abuse is a damage limitation exercise surely? Is he trying to stop his co-workers finding out the truth or something like that? Does he know the Police may be involved? Mmmmm.

randommess I'm delurking (again!) to say the same thing - how does a freelancer get paid leave .

Well done name, you're doing brilliantly. If you have any moments of doubt, just remember dd1's 'yes!' When you told her what was happening xx

I agree with that Dinnae, and his expression of hope for a reconciliation has I think the intention of portraying Name as some sort of bitter and unreasonable woman who can't be pleased while he is MrNiceguy willing to bend over backwards to salvage the relationship. Hopefully his hopes are misplaced.

^ this: If you have any moments of doubt, just remember dd1's 'yes!' When you told her what was happening xx

Until recently, I wouldn't have believed there are solicitors who would have blasphemed the English language and, like, paper to print this shite. Sadly, I am less blissfully ignorant.

These are the same solicitors who said "I've never seen a man so devastated..." Seriously?

name, please tell me the names of these underrock-dwellers! PM if you like.

I think he will struggle to portray Name as anything other than completely reasonable seeing as how he has admitted being abusive. Doesn't really matter what he tries to throw at her now, he has admitted it in black and white.

And if he does start being difficult, Name has plenty of evidence that can show this isn't a sudden decision, such as her attendance at the Freedom Project for the last few months, the current police statement, and also the one she did in another force area a while ago, having it on record with the Dr etc.

He may think he has been clever in admitting it, but all he has done is scupper his own chances of trying to portray HIMSELF as being reasonable. Thats why I think is its brilliant for name!

Also, the fact he has admitted being abusive, and writes 2 pages of codswallop about how he is going to change - as soon as he does anything at all even slightly reasonable it is just further evidence of how he can't/won't change. All in all he has done a brilliant job of backing himself into a corner.

So yes, whilst I absolutely think you should heed everyones advice of being careful etc, he would be a complete prick to try anything now. Way to go twatchops!!

The bottom line is that name doesn't want to be married to H any more so there is nothing he can do to make her stay... he could be genuinely contrite & aghast at the realisation of how he has caused this over a long time but it makes no difference.

Wow, so pleased to read this update Name

The shit will hit the fan when it comes to visitation though -- if he looks really reasonable and contrite and relationship-focused there are many judges who might be swayed by the idea that children are very vulnerable to all sorts of ills if they are left in the hands of single mothers, and they really need their father in their lives, as much as possible.

he has taken paid leave from work to work on himself

So .. in fact just ordinary leave, nothing special at all. Why make that point?! (I actually thought his poxy contract meant he didn't get paid leave anyway or whatever it was).

Great news that he's gone.

That's an excellent point: how can he have taken paid leave if he hasn't yet signed his contract? Or maybe he had signed his contract and was jerking you around? Or maybe he's not taking paid leave ... Surely a contradiction that you'll want to run by Rottie?

But, yes, it needs to be repeated: You can divorce whom you want for whatever you consider to be "unreasonable" behaviour. Even if your reason is not anybody else's reason. I'm not saying this to you, name, but the legion of people who may get strength from your example.

Very glad you're home without hassle name!

Hmm, he's less an evil genius than a Walter Mitty isn't he?

he has taken paid leave from work to work on himself

You mean the leave he said he wanted to take for half term? That leave he'd booked anyway and they wouldn't let him change?

Ah Name you can breathe now! Organise the access to the girls by text or email only so you have every damn thing in writing and Voila! You have a life -PomPomTastic!

This Christmas is going to be flippin' excellent!

Will the girls even want to see him?

PomPomTastic!

Agree with everyone - he is a real legal genius.
Fluffy - And if he does start being difficult, Name has plenty of evidence that can show this isn't a sudden decision, such as her attendance at the Freedom Project for the last few months, the current police statement, and also the one she did in another force area a while ago, having it on record with the Dr etc. - quite; plus the fact that he has had DIVORCE Papers served! He really can't say it was a bolt from the blue.

Good point Homebird. Make a note of that, Name; it casts that assertion in a completely different light. Quite an important distinction and potentially very revealing.

He 'desperately wants to reconcile' does he? Well you don't! And he knows that. Once again what he wants is more important to him than what you want.

Once again he is disregarding what you say. He would like to force you to stay married to him. But he can't. You are divorcing him. That is all.