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Original poster

How much do you know about your husbands finances?

161 replies

Wowthishurtsalot · 16/10/2014 11:12

And if he was very much 'my money is mine your money is yours' despite earning more than you would you be having words with him about it?

My husband earns twice what I do - more by virtue of the fact he works more hours than me than anything - and his argument whenever I try and raise the subject of a joint savings venture to, say, repair the bathroom or save for a holiday, is always the same.

"I'm not stopping you saving up for it but my money is mine and I don't ask you how you spend yours so stop asking me how I spend mine"

I will admit to throwing a strop at our last discussion about money as I'm sick of his attitude. Is his or mine more usual?

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 16/10/2014 11:18

He sounds like an arsehole.

Is he contributing to the bathroom repairs and holidays?

Do you have kids?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 16/10/2014 11:21

When I was married I knew 100% of my husband's financial situation, largely because I was the one managing the money. And it was because I knew his finances (appalling) that I insisted we had three accounts... 'his', 'mine' and 'ours'. 'Ours' paid all the essential bills, mortgage, holidays, maintenance etc and the personal accounts made a contribution to it each month proportional to our relative disposable incomes. And that's the important part if you go that route. Each of you should end up with a similar amount of 'spends'.

lynniep · 16/10/2014 11:22

As far as I know, everything. We have a joint account although he has a savings account in which there is a couple of grand. I handle all bills. I see all outgoings. We check in with each other when we want to buy anything a bit more expensive. He earns twice what I do but that's irrelevant as it all goes into one pot.

This is because we are a family and we are on the same page regarding finances i.e. we share.
I think if you can agree on a certain way of organising yourselves, then it doesn't matter if you have joint accounts or not. However you seem to both be at odds with each other and have completely different viewpoints.

I think he is being a d*ck with regards to what you have suggested about holidays/bathrooms. How do you pay your mortgage/rent? How are bills paid and who by?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 16/10/2014 11:24

Should add..... the above system caused HUGE arguments because he resented any suggestion that he should cut back on his spending. Despite being left a generous amount of spends to pay down his debts, they never got any smaller.

Annarose2014 · 16/10/2014 11:25

The minute I heard the phrase "my money is mine" uttered by someone who legally is joined to me, I'd be seeing a red flag.

Original poster
Wowthishurtsalot · 16/10/2014 11:29

He pays the bills, I pay for the children's hobbies and clothing, we pay for our own cars (another bone of contention is he's always using my car or mine is used for long journeys and I'm expected to always pay for fuel) and mobiles. I buy the food shopping and our mortgage is split between us. The bills are roughly 50:50 even with the salary gap.

The problem I have is if anything needs doing its always me paying for it, If we decide to go on holiday it's funded by me. There's never any 'we' or 'us' in funding the joint issues and it's more than grating now.

OP posts:
HSMMaCM · 16/10/2014 11:29

I know more than DH does about his finances. He hands over his money(in fact he never sees it, the bank does it). I pay it into the joint account and then allocate each of us the same amount of pocket money.

tomatoplantproject · 16/10/2014 11:31

We have joint accounts for saving and household saving. We both have individual accounts and a small savings account with approximately the same amount in it. Our house is in joint names. We make decisions together about big ticket items.

crappyday · 16/10/2014 11:31

Everything.
And because he's a higher rate tax payer, and I earn nothing, all our savings are in my name.
Our money is ours. He earns it, enabled by me being. ASAHM.

Annarose2014 · 16/10/2014 11:32

Its always the way when there's seperate finances isn't it?

The higher earner always pulls the piss, and the lower earner (usually the mother) ends up spending much more proportionally. Cos the higher earner just flat out refuses to pay for anything that he doesn't view as essential.

So then the lower earner ends up dipping into an increasingly dwindling salary to pay for a pair of shoes for the kids.

tribpot · 16/10/2014 11:32

So bills are 50:50 despite the fact he earns twice as much?

And beyond that, all non-regular expenditure, e.g. holidays and household repairs, are funded by you, the lower earner? WTF?

Fudgeface123 · 16/10/2014 11:33

I couldn't live like that Wow, as a previous poster says it should be a family pot when there's a family concerned. You earn less and you're paying for holidays, the kids plus 50% of everything else...that isn't fair. I'd be having strong words

Original poster
Wowthishurtsalot · 16/10/2014 11:34

trib yup that's pretty much it, everything takes years to save up for as a result

OP posts:
catlass · 16/10/2014 11:35

No way I would be putting up with that OP!

We have one joint current account and one joint savings account and that's it. Can't be bothered with "my money and your money" malarkey.

tribpot · 16/10/2014 11:38

But how the fuck is he justifying going on these holidays that you pay for? Because it's your choice to want to take the family on holiday and his choice is just not to bother? What about household repairs, would he just let the house fall down around him if he had to fund them?

Are you sure you're actually paying 50:50 on the bills, do you see them when they arrive?

Basically this guy is taking the piss. If you increased hours to earn more money of your own, would he pick up any of the slack in terms of childcare?

Original poster
Wowthishurtsalot · 16/10/2014 11:42

His argument is I am able to work part time because he is helping fund the family which means we have no childcare costs. If I went back full time no he wouldn't fund childcare based on how we were before I insisted on cutting my hours

OP posts:
JoandMax · 16/10/2014 11:42

I know everything as all our money is joint, DH is sole earner and I've been a SAHM for over 6 years.

I can see benefits to keeping your finances separate but its most definitely not fair at all in your situation - you should both have the same amount of disposable income and it seems you have significantly less.

squitchey · 16/10/2014 11:42

We have separate accounts because we've never got round to opening a joint one (we really should) but DP is completely open about money, although he's terrible at organising it. We discuss how much we've got, what's coming in and what needs to be spent. I don't know exactly how much is in his account, but if I asked he'd tell me. He has various debts from before we met, but again, I know (or would be able to ask) how much these are and what he's paying off on them. He earns several times what I earn, but we both regard what we earn as family money, no matter who's account it's in - if we need something for the house or for ourselves, we just work out if we can afford it.

I think three accounts (joint and two personal) is the best arrangement as it means you have somewhere you can have a personal spending amount - we're just too disorganised to have set it up.

fillie · 16/10/2014 11:42

That is not on. I take care of all our finances, a more appropriate question would be - how much does your husband know about his own finances? The answer, as much as he wants to know which is pretty much nothing!

Dolallytats · 16/10/2014 11:43

We are on benefits at the moment following DH's stroke, but when he was working his wages went into my account because he acknowledges that he is useless with money. We agreed on a set amount he would have each week and, because I didn't really need anything on a weekly basis, I just bought things as I needed/wanted them.

He never said it was his money. I occasionally checked it was ok if I bought something but his response was always 'what are you asking for? As long as bills are paid and we have food, do what you like with the rest'.

Stubbed · 16/10/2014 11:43

I wouldn't put up with this. If he didn't want to contribute to a holiday then quite honestly I could see myself giving up.

My husband is lazy and I'm good with money so I do all the accounts, tax returns, etc and due to historical reasons many savings accounts and pensions are in my name only, or both. He doesn't have any in his name only. As a result, for transparency, I sent him an update every now and then with a summary on so he knows what we have. It is all joint, whatever the account name says, and we have joint current account that everything comes out of.

We earn about the same but I had considerably more money before we met (£100000 or more) plus inheritance of over £100000. So in fact if we split I would be much worse off than before we met as I would give him half.

But that is the deal I signed up to when we got married....

NewEraNewMindset · 16/10/2014 11:44

I don't know everything about his finances no. We have separate bank accounts, I am currently a SAHM and earning zero, he pays for everything bar me getting my hair cut occasionally and presents for my family.

I can use his cards at will but don't really spend anything on myself.

So things are not brilliant but they are a damn site better than you are describing OP. In fact you are describing my parents marriage if I'm honest and once my dad's health got bad my Mother became the main earner and their relationship did a 180 degree turn with my Mother holding all the cards. It was also a very unhappy marriage with an awful lot of resentment. Thing is I don't know how you solve a selfish mindset accept for walking away.

honeysucklejasmine · 16/10/2014 11:44

We have a joint account. We both have a card. We are both equally able to spend how we want. Dh earns much more than me. It is our money, not his and mine.

Annarose2014 · 16/10/2014 11:45

Wait...how did it get decided initially that you would be the one funding holidays? How did that conversation happen and why has the situation continued?

How is it decided that your car will be used for long journeys? Do you just hand over the keys?

You are being taken for a mug, I'm afraid. You have let this go on far too long.

Lucy90 · 16/10/2014 11:46

That is appalling, you are supposed to be a team!
We have one joint account for bills and the babys activities and groups she goes to and we both pay the same into that, we each have a separate account for spending money and then a joint savings account where anything extra goes into, we always have exactly the same to spend for ourselves and the rest is saved.
If my OH suggested anything along the lines of 'my money your money' he wouldnt be my OH any more!!
Holidays, special days out or anything like that are always split 50/50 unless its one of our birthdays the other one will pay as a treat.
And everything for the baby is paid equally by us both out of the joint account.

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