How much do you know about your husbands finances?

[Wowthishurtsalot]

And if he was very much 'my money is mine your money is yours' despite earning more than you would you be having words with him about it?

My husband earns twice what I do - more by virtue of the fact he works more hours than me than anything - and his argument whenever I try and raise the subject of a joint savings venture to, say, repair the bathroom or save for a holiday, is always the same.

"I'm not stopping you saving up for it but my money is mine and I don't ask you how you spend yours so stop asking me how I spend mine"

I will admit to throwing a strop at our last discussion about money as I'm sick of his attitude. Is his or mine more usual?

Yup. Your DH is an arse!!

Family = family money. Every penny is shared and used to benefit the family. There is no my money / your money. It's a recipe for disaster in my opinion.

I know everything about my husband's finances.

We have a joint account. We have a joint savings account which money goes into from the joint salary account. He earns way more than me.

My salary goes into my own account which is used for holiday spends, so we tend not to touch this, I could have it paid into the joimt account but I just like to see it separate and know that when we need to change some money for a different currency the money is always there. I don't even think he knows how much is in there or what goes in every month. I have always had an account in my name only.

He doesn't mind one bit that it is in my name. I could also spend money from all three accounts and he would not mind one bit. He never minds.

He does sound like an arse TBH but that's already said.

I earn a decent wage and when with someone we should share all joint bills equally. What I then do with my spare cash and what she does with hers is up to the individual. Life shouldn't just be about surviving as long as it can be avoided of course.

Otherwise you will end up sad and miserable with the "you spent what on that!?" types of conversations.

So interesting to read about everyone's finances and relationships < nosey >

I'd prefer to have a joint account but DH wants to keep separate ones. I was disappointed and surprised by this when we got married/ started a family as to me it's obviously all shared at that point (as per the traditional vows, though we made simpler Quaker ones which didn't refer to asset division/ sharing of resources)

Anyhow I think you're all very organised. Our finances muddle along in a much more haphazard fashion, and we don't talk about money much as it's usually a bone of contention unfortunately.

Like so many women I end up paying for more for the children specifically - clothes, clubs, interests etc.
In theory he pays the bills, but I do most of the grocery shopping.

Your H is a selfish arse. What the hell does he spend the rest of his measly £££ on for himself while you are trying to make a nice family life for everybody?

I completely understand why you feel the way you do. If he won't budge I have no idea what you can do apart from LTB

Book holidays/days out for you and DC without him. He doesn't like them, he doesn't want to go. Don't waste your money.

Money earned is family money and all goes into 2 accounts - one for bills and one for food, petrol and extras. Some goes into savings. Dh earns lots more than me as I'm home with 3 dc but before dc I earned the same as dh. I do the banking.

DH and I have a joint account for all bills and then current and savings accounts each. We work out what the bills come to and split the left over money almost equally - DH has a longer commute inc a train journey so the extra accounts for that.

I do not think there is any issue with all money not being shared. DH and I have our own bank accounts, but I do think things need to be fair, and your arrangement is anything but that OP. Does your DH actually behave as if he likes you at all? The way he comes across in your posts gives the impression that he views you as staff, and somewhat annoying staff at that.

This is absolutely financial abuse. Shocking. Where would you be if he suddenly decided to up and leave you - I bet he has got a fat savings account and would be hunky dory. You, not so much. How does that make you feel?

my soon to be ex DH has always been self-employed and kept his finances separate. Broadly that's been okay because I like my financial independence too. However there have been financial crises over the years that I had no way of knowing were coming, such as needing help to cover "surprise" tax bills, and a £9000 loan that was only admitted to when the repayments started to bite.

In principle I don't think separate finances are bad, so long as there is trust that 1) one of you isn't going to secretly fuck their own up through negligence or greed and 2) that you support each other when necessary e.g. illness, redundancy.

Oh and forgot to say - OP, your DH is deluded at best if he thinks that's a fair arrangement. A similar attitude has led to our separation. I get positively giddy when I think about being in the picture about all family finances from now on, and I wonder how I tolerated things as they were for so long.

He is a knob. He says we won't do x unless you pay because it works - ie you pay.

Call his bluff. Go alone.

I am the main earner my dh is a sahd. I think it's disgusting how he treats you.

Why do women always pay for food? Our mortgage is the same as our food bill each month! In fact sometimes food costs more. Why does the lower earner pay the bigger bill?

I know everything. Dh has a ltd company and i do all the accounts in fact i know more about his finances than he does. I'm a sahm and he pays for everything (obviously)
. He would go without himself so the dcs and I have what we need.
Your dhs attitude is despicable. You'd actually be better off financially and emotionally on your own.

I know everything , and everything is joint - we discuss priorities- and after 38 years of marriage, we have had myself earning more, DH earning more, me at home with kids, and him retiring early. If your H he is not prepared to be reasonable about it, can you charge him housekeeping - e.g so much per item of clothing washed and ironed? ( check local dry cleaners for quotes!) take away price for meals, and an hourly rate for cleaning :) - its a partnership, thats what he signed up for!

I know everything and he knows everything about mine. There have been times when I have earned more than him and vice versa. It's a partnership.
So OP, does he not use the bathroom, or the kitchen? So in that case I call arse too. Be cheaper when you aren't paying for his holiday too.

I find myself wondering about his redeeming features.

In answer to your question, yes I know about DP's finances. I don't check his bank balance, but I do know his income & he mine.

As we've got more comfortable over the years (both financially and as a long term couple) we don't count the pennies perhaps as much as we used to in terms of 'absolute fairness' but we do start from a point of aiming for the same disposable income each. We'd also help each other out if there's an issue.

I'm the main breadwinner BTW but wasn't when we agreed a out approach to income.

The holiday and travel thing is horrible. DP now has bigger car and we both use it (although I still have an ageing runabout). Solution to that was to make car expenses joint.

The holiday thing just makes him sound joyless. I could see me stumping up for a night out DP was less keen on and vice versa, but no family holiday unless you pay for it? How would you feel if you went away on your own with DC? If he doesn't like holidays enough to contribute he should be okay with that but I suspect he wouldn't be

This sounds absolutely horrific. I simply cannot imagine being in such a partnership.

If you're married, and you trust each other, which is surely what marriage is all about, then why on earth would you not pool your money (assuming one of you is not a complete spendthrift and runs up unsustainable debt)?

All our money goes into one pot - savings and investments (left to us by mil in her will) are actually in my name for tax reasons. Dh has absolutely no issue with this as he trusts me completely. What sort of marriage would we have if he didn't?

I have expensive interests and work fucking hard to enjoy them. I would want any partner to be the same, however of she didn't and wanted half then I would have an issue with that.

Yes, put in equal amounts for joint expenditure but the rest is for us to enjoy. No way would I expect anyone wanting to control my finances.

I really can't understand why couples accept the worth employers put on them as being their worth to the marriage.

I supported my husband as I was the main wage earner whilst he did his apprenticeship, now I'm a SAHM with BTL properties. When I earnt more than him it didn't mean I believed I was worth more than him, likewise now I'm not employed I'm not worth less than him in his eyes. I can't see how anyone could see the partners as less than equal based on their wage?

Income is household income and shared out equally after all the household bills have been paid.

I do not believe in joint accounts so we have personal accounts to protects us both. We both have savings. We both are free to spend our share without justifying to the other. I prefer it this way as hubby spends more on a monthly basis, I spend far less but then spend out on occasional large things. Having our own current accounts means we don't have to consider our personal spending and keep count.

I take it MysteryMan1 is op's dh then?

No way would I expect anyone wanting to control my finances
oh the irony!

Don't see what the issue is to be honest. It really is irrespective of how much anyone earns. Part of working hard and striving to succeed is providing for your family and enjoying yourself.

If I had a wife who earned three times as much as me, I genuinely wouldn't care what she spent it on provided she contributed equally to the family coffers ie mortgage, child care etc.

I would never want anyone to work hard to see it being spent on things they didn't want. Yes, we all have life's expenditures but there is more to living than that.

I know nothing about our finances and apart from occasionally signing bits of paper I am not involved in managing our money. However, my DH is not the least bit controlling and very much sees it as 'our' money. We are a team and we do what is best for our whole family. We have never disagreed about money in all our 30+ years together. Sometimes we argue about other things but never money.

I don't think its a bad thing to have separate finances if that's what suits you and your partner. Whatever works...

OP your husband sounds like an unpleasant arse.

In short I know more than he does. One current account, savings mostly in my name. I manage all finances. He earns about 5 times more than me these days but its never been an issue. Neither of us spend much on ourselves. His parents, married 50+ years have totally separate finances, eg they will sometimes talk about owing each other money for something - which seems very odd to us. It is as if MIL doesn't trust FIL (she inherited a fair bit from her parents).