How much do you know about your husbands finances?

[Wowthishurtsalot]

And if he was very much 'my money is mine your money is yours' despite earning more than you would you be having words with him about it?

My husband earns twice what I do - more by virtue of the fact he works more hours than me than anything - and his argument whenever I try and raise the subject of a joint savings venture to, say, repair the bathroom or save for a holiday, is always the same.

"I'm not stopping you saving up for it but my money is mine and I don't ask you how you spend yours so stop asking me how I spend mine"

I will admit to throwing a strop at our last discussion about money as I'm sick of his attitude. Is his or mine more usual?

MysteryMan - if your wife earned 3 x as much as you, would you be happy to split joint household costs 50/50?

If I had a wife who earned three times as much as me, I genuinely wouldn't care what she spent it on provided she contributed equally to the family coffers ie mortgage, child care etc.

What does equally mean here MM?

If it was 50/50 contribution to bills, and your 50% leave you cleaned out every month while you wife retained lots of cash for just herself (not you or your DC) would you think that was equally contributing? I don't.

In the OP's situation her H is letting her support him in many ways, while he keeps his surplus for himself. Much of his surplus is entirely down to the family expenses the OP covers herself.

And this is not a 50/50 split - I think if the OP added it up it would be closer to 60/40 or 70/30. Okay, holidays are a luxury item but this is something that parents who can afford it should want to provide for their children. Household repairs are not.

mysteryman
I suppose it comes down to your definition of 'joint' family holidays are joint, children are joint, food,household expenses are joint.

Most of us work fucking hard for our money... Yes even SAHM's. Some if uus make more than others though.

You come across and incredibly selfish and someone who puts their hobbies before family and loved ones. Would you really allow your family to battle through while you enjoy you expensive hobbies? Sad really...

Not sure I want to read the thread (based on the latest posts), but read your posts.

OP, what you describe sounds like financial abuse.
Marriage is a financial contract and that means that earnings become family earnings rather than individual earnings.

If he is in any doubt about it, investigate what happens if you divorce. He'll be shocked.

Ultimately he should decide if he wants to be in a marriage or if he wants to go at it alone.

But you'd probably better off with such twat.
And I bet he's not only a twat regarding finances.

BTW, I'm speaking as someone who earnt a lot more than my exH, who became a SAHP (not by our choice, but his health).

(he was a twat, but not so much financially)

Completely joint. I couldn't live like you do. (I've been the main earner for the majority of our marriage.)

Is he mean in other ways? Or just eith money?

We just pay the bills, all the money goes into one big pot figuratively speaking.. I do the admin work, paying the rent and bills and school fees etc, etc.. It all just works synergistically, as does everything else..

It seems like lots of couples become obsessed with everything being perfectly equal rather than doing what's best to make the household and relationship run smoothly, must be tiring constantly obsessing over the minute details of finance, childcare, housework, leisure time...

No surprise in the fact that 50% end in divorce and 90% of unmarried couples with children will break up by the time the children are teens, when people find it impossible to agree on basic living arrangements..

We have been married for 12 years, everything is completely joint. I used to have a piece of land, which I have sold and put towards the mortgage.

I am a sahm, i manage all the home finances. I know how much we have in savings, how much we are spending every month, how much we can both spare for treats. DH and I are both sensible with money, we trust each other completely, so no need to hide anything.

We share everything. We have a joint account for "essentials" and once we've budgeted for those we each get out own personal spending allowance which is the same. When he was earning more he subsidised me. Currently it's the other way around. But I couldn't live with him refusing to share. That way madness lies.