If you wrote to the OW asking her to stay away

[avrilinca]

Would you expect a response? Affair has been over for more than a year, but we have remained in (intermittent) contact. I care about him deeply but have been clear that the day is long past when any relationship between us is feasible. Her email is very sad, essentially begging me to safeguard their marriage by blocking him.

I think it demonstrates poor boundaries on your part to remain in touch with him.

He is not your friend.

He is not your partner.

It is an issue to retain this emotional bond. It serves no one and is inappropriate in my view....

What it proves is don't ever be the OW and post on here.

You won't get a fair hearing.

That is patently not true Henry. There have been quite a few threads by OW and they have mostly had good advice & not been jumped on by the vast majority of posters.

Wishiwas for this particular OP/scenario I don't see how it would have made a difference to the essentials of it all. It is not as if any contact could benefit the OP in any way. So whether people sympathised or castigated, the advice going forward would be the same I'd have thought.

Ok, in the nicest way possible...

If you ever want to find happiness in your life and a relationship that is really worth something, you won't find it while you still have contact with this man as he partly owns you.

While you still have any involvement with him, you won't be properly open to someone else, or even to the thought of meeting someone else as you'll always have a "maybe" tucked away.

He wants you there. He wants you there for his own uses - the shoulder to cry on, the one to confide in. But all while still with his wife, who is actually who he wants to be with, as demonstrated by the fact he's still with her. You only have his word about what is going on in their life / marriage and the word of a lying cheat isn't much really.

He's cheating you out of having a happy relationship elsewhere. He's cheating you out of a calm life without his drama. All while cheating his wife,

Stop letting him. Get some self respect and cut him off, totally and completely. Get a snail mail from him again - return it unopened. Do the right thing before he destroys your chance for happiness, just like he's already done to his wife.

I can't believe you seriously don't see how you have damaged their marriage. You were jointly part of, and are still contributing to an affair with her husband - That is damage enough.

I haven't counted precisely but it looks like you've had more 'reply' votes than not, but you're ignoring that. After your shitty behaviour you can't even be bothered to give a response to something she has probably agonised over.

I think you should respond just to say, "Ok - I've blocked him". If I were her, I would appreciate the reassurance.

I don't think people who value the marriage vows can be anything but against the idea of an OW or OM. Obviously these things happen, but they cause pain and anguish in the other partner, and possibly terrible stress on any children into the bargain.

Marriage or partnership create stability for family life and society as a whole. To engage in a relationship with another woman's man is wrong. To keep it going and feed it by further contact is wrong.

People on this thread have expressed themselves forcefully. But that is maybe a measure of how strongly they feel about it?

Someone else's husband is NOT a candidate for therapy or 'help' by an OW, who appears to be getting pleasure from the situation.
The poor wife is no doubt in pieces with all this.
A brief apology and reassurance of nc might be best, then total nc.
Leave this man alone and try to move on.

I can't believe you seriously don't see how you have damaged their marriage. confused You were jointly part of, and are still contributing to an affair with her husband
The other woman can't damage the marriage in any way - she isn't part of it and isn't relevant to it. Only the husband or wife can damage the marriage.

She'd be well shot of him. There's nothing to safeguard.

I don't know if that's true, Joan. Initially, of course it was down to the H who damaged their marriage. But when the couple are trying to sort things out and find some solutions, the OW is causing more pain by being still 'in the picture'.

And ultimately, the other woman doesn't have any responsibility for the marriage. Its not her business. She isn't causing anything. He causes the problem, as the active adulterer.