If you wrote to the OW asking her to stay away

[avrilinca]

Would you expect a response? Affair has been over for more than a year, but we have remained in (intermittent) contact. I care about him deeply but have been clear that the day is long past when any relationship between us is feasible. Her email is very sad, essentially begging me to safeguard their marriage by blocking him.

What a lot of shitty behaviour and bleating. You should be ashamed of yourself OP. Leave this man and wife alone, nothing can justify your frankly pathetic behaviour.

Oh the AF fan club?

Sorry, I like her plenty but my thoughts are my own and have nothing to do with AF.

As for always blaming the woman and not the man? that is bollocks. If the man was posting here he would get a hard time too. Right now we are focusing on the op's actions because she is the one who is posting for advice.

There is a lot of nastiness and bullying on this thread.

What's happened to the no personal attacks?

I think a lot of posters have been trying to get through to the OP. But have started to give up.

No, I think many posters get a kick out of bullying when they are anon.
You can give advice without resorting to name calling and bitching.

OP

I don't remember your other threads. This man is married and has children. He is with his wife, where he has chosen to be, he has made this decision because she is more important to him that you are.

His poor DW has obviously found out that after forgiving her dh he is in contact with you. For your sake, her sake and her childrens sake let go of this man.

He isn't yours, never was and you certainly aren't a friend helping him through hard times. If he's that messed up he can go to a therapist.

You are feeding the situation each time you respond to it. If you must respond to this man once more let it be to say 'contact me again and I will immediately contact your wife' nothing more.

If you had any sense you would see that you're walking up a t road. So leave it all right behind you. Go, walk away and find a man who isn't married.

There were hundreds and hundreds of helpful posts - the OP isn't interested in them. She is just winding people up in a calculated way.

Well you know where the report button is, yummy.

Done already.

Bingo!

Royalty kiss-assing and bullying all in one thread.

AF do we get a badge??

I've reported a few too.

This thread is horrible. Yet again a married man who cheats gets to be treated as a prize, while the woman he cheated with is vvilified.

There's open crowing on here because he has chosen his wife. Like, lucky her. The man's choice is held as paramount and the women are triumphant or rejected as per moral codes of a bygone era.

If the man has done his choosing, why must the wife step in? Surely the
very least he should be doing post affair is totally blocking ow, full openness and disclosure. But he isn't is he. And this is somehow another woman's fault because men just can't help themselves.

I call wilful misogyny.

All this 'the man has chosen his wife' guff is galling. He has chosen to keep his wife nicely back in her box at home where he has his creature comforts, while he continues to contact the OP and presumably other women, too.

OP, this dramarama is addictive but also incredibly damaging. It will eat you up if you let it.

Cut all contact with this narcissistic creep and seize back your self respect. Breathe a sigh of relief that you have swerved this arsehole. Don't reply to his wife. I pity the poor woman for blaming you and asking you to safeguard her marriage, when her arse of a husband is obviously not serious about his commitment to her. But you owe her nothing. Move on!

And exactly what notabar said.

If you have so many supportive friends in real life why are you asking the opinion of people you have never met!?

Just move on and leave well alone! Have some respect for yourself and find someone available

1. If you haven't already ( you keep saying it's a given, yet I don't think you've done it yet ?) block him
2. Stay blocked
3. Don't respond to her, she'll figure out you're no longer listening to his tales of woe when the next OW comes along ( probably )

A significant number of posts on this thread have been very critical of the married man and urged the OP to open her eyes (and go no contact, which is good advice) to the dysfunction of the situation.

I must admit to being rather surprised that the OP then asked a 'philosophical question'. Strange thread. If people think there are inappropriate posts it is much better to report to MNHQ.

I hope the OP gets the help she needs in RL.

I said exactly why I'm asking here (objectivity, to make sure I am not the primary concern of respondents). I have blocked him. I haven't replied.

But surely she should reply to the wife, to confirm she's ceasing contact? I think the wife deserves to know whether OW is doing as she asked.

Why should she? The woman should be asking her HUSBAND to cut all contact. The OP doesnt control this man. He obviously thrives on keeping OW hanging on strings and doesnt give a shit about his wife.

The OP should be stopping contact with this creep for HERSELF, not for his wife. His wife is his responsibility. And she can do that by CUTTING ALL CONTACT NOW, on her own terms, without a word said to either of them.

I'm glad you've blocked him. I'm not going to comment on the affair as I didn't read the other thread and don't know all the ins and outs of it but I do have experience of being in a relationship with someone who had experienced childhood trauma and was very fucked up as a result. I can understand in a weird way why you'd want to keep in contact as I somehow felt responsible for him and felt guilty for even considering cutting contact as if I was somehow adding to his trauma by "abandoning" him. But ultimately, you're not his counsellor and you can't cure his trauma. Regardless of all this affair business, I think you'll find it difficult to move on if you keep in contact and it will just have a negative impact on your life. Sounds harsh but dealing with his trauma is his responsibility not yours and he needs to deal with that in a positive way, not with a woman he's had an affair with. You're far too emotionally involved to be objective about this.

Notabar, the op has previously said that the contact is usually initiated by herself rather than him constantly contacting her. It is the op contacting him.

And it appears he's told his wife about this.

I can fully see why the wife has told her to back off, although it should have been the husband doing it but he's clearly not a particularly decent person either.

OP,leave them alone. If he wanted to 'choose' you he would have.

Is telling someone to grow the fuck up a personal attack worthy of deletion now? :hmm

Apparently