Blunt question: were you sexually active at 14?

[Mintyy]

As you know I'm not a pervy hairy-handed trucker.

Hopefully you will feel able to answer.

If you were sexually active at 14, can you say anything about why?

No and nor was my dd. I was 19 and dd was 17. Both in long term relationships.

Nope. Was very interested in boys but only in the idea of wanting to have the most amazing first kiss... didn't really think about much beyond that!!

Didn't actually have any kind of boyfriend until I was 18... just too shy and embarrassed by it all really. And then I went a bit wild

Mind you I am 70 now and in 1958, when I was 14, i didn't really know what sex was and was only vaguely aware of boys (eg in church choir).

No, 16 (just) here. I can remember having sexual feelings though from younger. My best friend had done stuff at 14 and I think she had sex then too.

But the others my friendship group didnt have sex until later like me.

Yes aged about 14.9 (IIRC) to a boy of the same age. I was never in trouble at school, had an unremarkable and happy childhood (apart from being bullied for a while at senior school). I was very active and did lots of out of school activities and the boy in question was a friend from one of those clubs. It was ok and I don't regret it at all.

Sex - no.

But as I had a narrow escape of a sexual assault at 13 I began to act weird and not like myself at all very provocative and the like. As the bloke kept at me and tried several other times I think I thought I was only good for one thing.

I didn't have sex til 17 and a half with the same bloke whom sexually assaulted me at 13 because I thought he'd changed yep, I'm the most stupid of anyone I've ever met and deserved everything I got later on.

However I did do kissing/touching at 14.

Sorry for bringing the tone down...

Does anyone like cake?

Wow toomuchcantbreath Did you mean to be so spiteful in your post? Ill tell you why i feel this way shall i? Because i was sexually abused at the age of 12. I see that now but it lead to me having slept with more men than i can count before i was 18. But yeah sorry for being so obtuse and hysterical.

Byebye - i am sorry that happened to you. I had a very similar experience.

I feel it has been trivialised by some posters on this thread.

Am quite surprised it has been allowed to stand tbh.

Yes, I was fourteen.

I just thought it was the done thing. I don't particularly regret it, but it was pretty meaningless. It was only years later that I realised that most of the people I was knocking about with weren't doing half the stuff they said they were.

Tbh the age of consent would've had no impact on my decision to have or not have sex. We had so much damn sex education that I was left with the impression that it was he norm for fourteen year olds to have sex. You couldn't go see the school nurse about anything without coming away with scads of condoms.

As long as there are people, ignorance will be around.

I just hope nothing like that happens to them or someone they love as it's not something that helps your self esteem at all.

I'm a lot better than I used to be but now at 24 I still sometimes have moments of self loathing and disgust.

Sorry for those whom have had terrible experiences too.

Byebye it wasn't your fault. You have to believe that.

Lem, no I didn't mean to be spiteful at all. I'm sad that you experinced abuse, I have a history with abuse too and it's not nice.

However I don't think it's healthy to censor any discussion of sex, including underage, because there might be someone out there who uses it for their own purpose. I find it hysterical to suggest we should.

The fact is that talking about it is how abuse is often discovered. Not talking about it just allows it to continue. I also don't think anyone here has trivialised abuse.

There is a difference between underage sex and sexual abuse. Sometimes that line is crossed and sometimes it can take years for someone to realise it was actually abusive. Often people realise it during conversations like these. Personally I think the potential benefits of having a discussion that leads to someone realising a terrible thing happened to them so that they can be given the chance to heal from that far outweighs the risk that some perverse person could be enjoying what they are reading.

Thanks for the reply. I take your point.

Byebye, under no circumstances does anyone, ever, deserve abuse. Being brainwashed into giving someone another chance doesn't equal giving them the right to do whatever they want. It certainly doesn't mean you are stupid. There is support out there and I suggest you try to access it when you feel strong enough. What you deserve is to be a whole person who doesn't hate themselves because of what somebody else did. It wasn't your fault. Fact.

Thank you both :)

Most days I completely agree and think he's a complete asshole for what he put me through and others too but it's just sometimes I think to myself who would go back there in that situation again. I honestly was frightened of him though and none of my friends liked him except those who were already mutual and even then, he'd get angry at any male showing me attention.

But we all deserve to be treated like human beings and nobody deserves to be made to feel they are only good for one thing and I will empower my daughter as best as I can to watch the signs but ultimately to know I am here for her.

My parents were there for me too actually but I just felt like I was burdening them and they'd say 'you got yourself into this' although I'm sure in hindsight they wouldn't have.

Yep, first time was about a month shy of my 15th birthday

No. At 14 I was gawky (fixed braces, frizzy hair) and bookish. Only interested in exam grades and ponies, although was beginning to experiment a little with alcohol (the odd swig of cider at parties). Was pretty sheltered really, despite growing up in London!

Aside from the odd unrequited crush, didn't really come into my own until sixth form - first proper kiss at 16. Tbh I think to some extent the whole raging teenage hormones thing passed me by though - never really got all the strife and drama!

Did everything but Full sex at age 14 but didn't actually have sex until I was just turned 18. I then went wild for years.

The on,y reason I didn't at 14 is that if my dad had found out he would have killed me!!!

My son is 14 and only really interested in the Play station at the moment. Thank god. He goes to an all boys school.

My daughter is 12 and looks older. She's at a mixed school. She's been invited to a Halloween party which she tells me she won't go to and is making excuses for. She's confided that the party giver's parents are going across the road to the pub whilst older siblings 'supervise' and has already complained to me that everyone seems to want to say they are 'going out' with someone. She's only just started High School!! She's also said the girl having the party is trying to get her sister's bf to buy alcohol. Whole thing sounds potentially disastrous and she wants no part of it.

I'm relieved she's told me all this as it all does terrify me. I hope she makes the right choices. Too much too soon. I'm so sorry for those of you who had difficult experiences at such a young age.

No, I was a virgin at 14. I was actually fairly pretty, looking back, but was too clever by half, so I wasn't exactly popular.

I did have sexual thoughts certainly, but I didn't want to be 'talked about'. This continued until I left my small town for university, where I realised that outside of cliques and arseholes, it was unlikely you'd be talked about for a consensual sexual relationship.

I did have a few snogs and a bit of fooling around.

no, cos no boys were interested in me, but tbh, If anyone I vaguely liked had shown an interest, id have been well in there, and I did as soon as I could when i was about 16

Yes.
For some people 14 is very young, but not everybody is the same. I knew what I was doing, and I was horny no deep fucked up reason behind it

I was. I was a bit messed up (major bereavement) and desperate to experience everything I could/prove myself in some way. Having said that, I enjoyed it, each time wasn't tainted with sadness or anything. It was fun. I suppose now at 31 I realise how very young 14 sounds and think it would have been good to wait but no harm done.

Depends what you mean - fumblings, yes. PIV Sex, no. I would have liked to I just didn't have a boyfriend! I remember how horny I was though my diary from that age is an outrage...

Sexually active but not full sex at 14...I was the only virgin in my group of friends at the time...