Blunt question: were you sexually active at 14?

[Mintyy]

As you know I'm not a pervy hairy-handed trucker.

Hopefully you will feel able to answer.

If you were sexually active at 14, can you say anything about why?

I went to an all girls' school too and didn't manage to access any willing boys/men at that age. I was curious though, and had some sexual (non PIV) contact at 15, then lost virginity at 16. I felt ready at 15 myself and was quite forward sexually but probably waited mainly due to the age of consent. I knew a few girls at school were having sex at 14 but just a handful.

Yes. My boyfriend was 18.

I came from a hideous abusive home and my perceptions around sex and relationships were horribly skewed.

I look at my 14 year-old daughter and the thought of her being sexually active horrifies me. My parents, however, were usually too drunk to give much of a shit about their children..

I wasn't having PIV sex but I was doing pretty much everything but that from age 12 onwards, which seems shockingly young now but there was nothing abusive or cocercive about it and the boys were my age. They didn't pressure me - I was curious and got a massive thrill from doing something forbidden (Catholic upbringing). Finally had full sex at 16 with someone much much older which when I think about it now was definitely unhealthy, but my early sexual experimentation seems very innocent in retrospect. Similar to a pp, I had a reputation as a 'good girl' - very quiet, hardly ever in trouble at school etc etc and I liked the juxtaposition of that with what I was getting up to my my and various boys' bedrooms.

Yes, the whole shebang at 13. Was not my choice though, didn't understand what was happening, totally clueless about sex. Was still playing with sindy dolls and at all girls school so no boy contact at that time. Happened regularly for a year, until the family member was discovered and packed off else where. Never mentioned again.

Only told my DM a few years ago to try to get her to understand why my life has been so chaotic and full of totally unsuitable twats, DV, EA etc. I have sorted out my life now and met DP, who is everything I ever could have wished for and so patient. My anger though is that the price I pay for what happened is ongoing, my attitude to sex is so complicated that I don't understand it. The result is whilst I enjoy the closeness and intimacy, I don't have a sex drive and I am unable to climax, Think it's happened 3 times in my life and I'm 46 !

Would string the bastard up by the ball's if I could. He has had a 25 year happy marriage with kids, lovely house, job etc. I've been left to deal with the carnage he caused, a life of no self worth, no self respect, low self esteem and depression.

I feel like I have been robbed of one of life's greatest pleasures.. especially now am so happy and content with DP.

No, I was still more interested in Mark Owen than real boys at that age.

No, I still fancied pop stars at that age. I went to an all girls convent school.

Yes. I wouldn't want my DDs to do the same, but I was happy, although I don't remember the boy at all, apart from we weren't very close friends. How it happened...My mum is lovely but at the time (addiction/MH problems, plus my brother was being a nightmare for various reasons) just didn't pay any attention and had no idea where I was most of the time- at parties, hanging out with random boys at the park etc. I was sexually active around early 14, first serious boyfriend later, but we lasted three years.

Nope. Didn't have my first kiss until 15. Then spent the next 2 years being the 'everything but' girl. At 17 I set my sights on a 23 year old who was gorgeous and basically seduced him.

As an aside, one of my boyfriends during everything but stage dumped me because I wouldn't sleep with him. He's now my best friend.

I lost my virginity at 14 and have regretted it since. I was at a party and was a bit drunk. He was 16 and wasn't very nice to me during or after. I didn't have sex again until I was 18 and spent the following 6 years going a bit crazy and racked up a magic number of 30.
I don't think the age should be lowered as I really do think that children of 14 are not ready for it. Emotionally, physically or any other way. I think education and discussion about sex could be improved and youth programs to give young people something to do that's enjoyable and not emotionally damaging. But that's from my experience. Maybe if there were youth centres and places to go children wouldn't be forced to find their own entertainment that would lead to bad influences and bad choices.

LEM, I don't know if anyone else has ever told you this but, you we are 12 year old child. He was a grown, married father. You hold NO responsibility for what happened.

None.

He was an abuser. And you were abused. Those are hard words, I know.

Anyone who tells you different is flat out wrong.

Yes I lost my virginity at age 12. I had been abused as a much younger child and my parents did not protect me. That's why.

I have to say the responses on this thread have reaffirmed my belief that I am protecting my children by not thinking it normal for them to have sex at 14 and to expect to know where they are, who they are with and being ok with being protective at the ages of 12/13/14/15. I know for some people it worked out fine but there are many whom it didn't work out for at all.

LEM you were abused as a child (I don't care how you looked at 12 you were a child) by an adult. That must be so hard for you to process and deal with. It should never have happened. He was very very wrong - and committing a criminal act. I wish you well.

Yes. I lost my virginity two weeks before my 14th birthday. I had been with my boyfriend for 6 weeks. The day we started "going out" was also the first time I had ever kissed a boy, cuddled a boy and held hands with a boy. We had known one another for two months before we became boyfriend and girlfriend and would speak often through text and MSN. The chats were of a sexual nature a lot of the time and I had no idea what most of the words meant and would have to ask him to explain. I was absolutely naive when we met. A few days after becoming boyfriend and girlfriend, I initiated oral sex on him. I wanted to please him and felt like it was expected of me based on all our chats. Absolutely none of my friends were sexually active and only one had kissed a boy. Six weeks later, we had sex. He was 15.

We continued an on-off relationship until I was 18. He was a cheat throughout most of that time but I continued to sleep with him because I wanted him to love me. And I stupidly thought that was the way to do it.

Tupelo, just wanted to say it is hard for me to distinguish between sexual activity with a 12 year old and a much younger child - to my mind, losing your virginity at 12 was still sexual abuse, whether you felt you were consenting or not.

Canyouforgiveher

That was my world for a long time but it isn't now.

Was giving blow jobs at 12

No PIV until 16 though.

God, just saying that now seems so wrong! I would die if my DD was doing it. Mind you, I drag a lot and was 'off the rails'. Not that that makes it better.

*drank

No I was a long way away at 14. I was 15+10 before piv occurred. Dd 1 was similar. Dd2 was around 15 but again was a long way off at 14.

Personally I think the aoc should go up not down. It seems usual for teens to do things a bit before they are allowed (not all of them obviously) but sex, drinking and smoking seem to be some kind of bar to prove yourself by. If aoc were higher I suspect eventually (i.e. a generation or so) the age of "action" would also rise. I could be wrong of course but I'd rather try that than try lowering it.

The criminalisation thing is difficult. It's there to stop teens being taken advantage of mostly so it's very different when it's a 15yo and a 16yo than when it's a 15yo and a 26yo - and rightly so imo.

I lost my virginity just past my 15th birthday, in a v v drunken fumble that went too far. With the benefit of adult perspective, it wasn't consensual and this is something I've made my peace with.

I was definitely more sexually active early on than I was emotionally ready for, and for me, in hindsight, a major thing that contributed was not having a strong enough sense of informed consent and that I could assert boundaries at any time. Therefore, for me and for other girls in my friendship group, sexual activity was lead and governed by the boy's hormones rather than our conscious choices. I plan to talk to my own daughter explicitly about consent, and about the reasons one might engage in sexual activity that might not be the right ones.

God no.

Didn't have sex until I was 20. First kiss at 16. Would barely look at a boy when I was 14!

Reasons: all-girls Catholic school, strict parents, lacking confidence, nerdy, unattractive

Def don't think the age of consent should be lowered- it's there to protect children. And thank you for starting this thread; it seems to me that very very few respondents who have said yes are happy about it, and several have in fact been abused.

Laws in Europe do vary, with some making the age gap thing explicit- ie if there is more than x number of years between the partners it is illegal if one under the age of consent. In the Uk, our laws seem to work relatively well on protecting children and punishing older abusers, although obviously the law can't stop children from ending up in harm's way, and it's still easy to "get away with it" if you're an abuser and the victim keeps quiet. :(

I was still just fancying boys at 14 but no one I fancied would even look at me!! I had my first kiss at 15, had a couple of boyfriends at 16/17 but I didn't like them enough to do anything more than kissing and I was far too serious about getting good results in my a levels to worry about boys!

Met dh at university and lost my virginity to him after being with him 3 months at the age of 18. Still with him 16 years later

Yes - I was 14. I had a boyfriend who was 18. We were together for 3 years when we broke up.

Don't regret it at all. He was and still is a lovely man. I am glad I lost my virginity to someone I loved and who loved me. We are still in contact as his family and mine all became friends.

My Mum was very savvy and took me to the doctor and I got the contraceptive pill.