Jealous of child??

[Chaos57]

Hi, I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 2 years. We both have 2 kids - same ages and have had a very good close relationship.
This year I noticed that my GF seemed to have issues with my 7 year old daughter saying she ruined holidays, made everything stressful and was spoilt. I admit my daughter IS spoiled and in particular with my attention - she looks for it all the time. My son is more laid back about it all and less demanding. I know both my kids - in particular my daughter - took their mum leaving hard so perhaps I have overcompensated for that.

However of late my GF has now said that she gets stressed when my daughter is around, that her behaviour is awful, that she is the cause of 75% of the arguments we have. Naturally I defend my daughter, while acknowledging she IS challenging at times. There seems a real issue around this and I'm starting to see my GF as controlling for various reasons - in addition, more than once she has said 'its a choice between me and your (precious) daughter and that I need to make her (my GF) my priority. I accept my daughter can be challenging and can cause fireworks, but she is also very sweet and giving. Thoughts please?

Hi All, well tonight I was given the demand 'me or her (my daughter)' I asked in what way - 'to give her up' - that to me is something you do not ask anybody.

Whao, OP, now that is plain. I'm glad you and your children will not have this woman in your lives anymore, you are much too good for her.

I am surprised at how many posters are jumping to the automatic dump.

It is highly unlikely that as a mother herself the gf is expecting the OP to choose her over his daughter. I see the statement of her of me to be a call for OP to manage the daughter's behaviour if as a parent, Op himself describes daughter as spoilt. I think it's Very likely this is the case. How is breaking down an otherwise stable family unit which seemingly working for 3 other kids beneficial.

I am not a prolific poster here, but I am amazed to have noted that the solution to everything on MN seems to be the breakdown of relationship s

OP my relationship with my mother has never recovered from being sent to live with my DGM because I couldn't live with her DP. Her choice was made very obvious and was encouraged by him. About a year before I finally left, he said something along the lines of please just stop asking your mum to choose between us, because you'll never win. I am so pleased that you find that repugnant and that you will prioritise your DD over a relationship. Best of luck to you.

It is highly unlikely that as a mother herself the gf is expecting the OP to choose her over his daughter

But that is what she said, according to the OP.

It was those exact words - I asked if it meant to give her up, the reply was Yes. She finds my dd threatening to us and feels my FD is trying to come between us. I feel my Dd is insecure and being clingy with me because of that. I was called pathetic and weak (amongst other things) because I would not send her away. She is saying she needs me to be there but I've to get my kids looked after for a few days to do so!

Dump her. Any person who asks you to give up your child - YOUR CHILD FFS - is not a good person.

Get rid.

No it's not, I have a rule to never abandon people, and while I feel she needs stricter boundaries and firmer discipline- my dd is very sweet and more important- she's mine! Her younger brother commented on the atmosphere between DP and me and DD and he's 6!

Please please get rid of that dreadfully girlfriend, it's so so damaging for your wee girl to hear all the arguing about her and will probably set her up for a lot of problems with relationships in her life
I felt unwanted and not put first by my or protected by my dad when I was young and it's caused me to make bad choices regarding men in the past
Someone who tries to make you choose between a them and a little girl is not worthy of a relationship with any of you

Your ex may be an interfering nightmare. Your daughter may be clinging and whingeing and demanding (although from what you tell she sounds completely normal given the situation she is in). You may be overcompensating and spoiling her a bit (although, again, it doesn't sound that terrible).

NOTHING justifies her telling you to dump your daughter. NOTHING. Would she give up any of her children? Thought not.

Your GF has made it very clear her opinion of your DD to the degree that a 6 tear old picks up on it.

No adult should be creating an atmosphere with a child it should be dealt with outside the sphere of the child.

If your 6 year old is picking this up no wonder the child it is aimed at is troubled.

It looks like you have a GF more concerned with her needs than your child's. Just like her mother.

Perhaps you need a step back and find out why you end up in these relationships.

I have to agree with you. It's all about putting her first and she needs me and putting her as my priority. Yet she forgets that I'm not invulnerable to everything. My kids have been through a lot too

A lot of people say I'm too forgiving and too reasonable and tend to DO a lot for people - maybe too much at times. Like a lot of men - I think I'm right MOST of the time and have a tendency to argue a bit. I get criticism for defending my kids a lot and maybe I do put them first a bit much - I'm sometimes over protective too.

I am in a relationship with a man who has two teenaged children from a previous relationship. His daughter has recently developed an eating disorder and he often has to cancel plans to be with her, take her to the doctor, etc. Which means I am seeing him much less often than I would like to these days.

AND THIS IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. Because he is her father, and she needs him, and I would despise a man who didn't put his children's wellbeing before anything else.

Your daughter needs you right now. This doesn't mean that you can't have a relationship, and of course you must set boundaries for your children (otherwise you'll only be damaging them). But any woman who demands that you place her and her needs above those of your underage children - AND THAT YOU GET RID OF YOUR CHILD - is pond scum.

I said that she asked the impossible - that nobody could ask anybody to give up their child, or as would be the case - children. I feel like I gave my all to her children- yet in my view the same effort wasn't made - particularly with my dd.

Oh and I was told I was codependent on my dd! To quote
"
You chose mini wife - hope you two will be very happy in your codependent unhealthy relationship "

you sound like a father who is supporting a young child who is struggling to deal with the stress and anxiety of having been abandoned by her own mother, and suffered the destruction of her family. Not co-dependant.

Urgh!! I think you might have dodged a bullet. FWIW I think you sound like a good loving supportive father.

Reading your thread, the only spoilt child I can see here is you hopefully your EX GF.

I betting if you were to ask her to get rid of her children so that you could carry on your relationship, then she would think you were the most evil thing on earth.

Of course your responsibilities are to your children and you are doing what you can to help them come to terms with what has happened with in your family.

My responsibilities are to my children. Of course I've just been called scum because 'I physically couldn't be there when she needed me because of her (my dd) - that I left her alone to cope with depression and anxiety- which is my fault btw!

I met someone in your situation, OP, and with a daughter the same age. I put up with all the pushing out of the way, sitting between us, getting into bed between us etc. etc. But when she physically attacked me i.e. screaming hitting, biting, while we were having a slow dance I called it a day.
He just kept saying "she is jealous, don't blame her".

Have a happy life, I said to him as I left. She continued to be the same daughter all through her teenage years until she left home. And 'Daddy' was left on his own.

Arabella, the OP has acknowledged that he may have to be stricter with his children.

I don't think you made your partner choose between his child or you - if anything, you became fed up that he didn't set any boundaries. And that's fair enough.

In this case, the OP's partner has set him an ultimatum: his daughter or her. It's a completely different situation.

I can understand she feels at the end of her tether, I accept my daughters not perfect but neither is my gf's son - there are times where he's obnoxious and mean - to my daughter and son, so I know all kids can be mean or act spoilt or whatever. However feeling that she's in competition with an 8 year old wee girl because (and this is not constantly) wants to give me cuddles and hold onto me. That's wrong

I hope you told her to fuck off!!!