"Sister wants to end 7 year dispute with me and family" (I thought about name-changing ).

[smokepole]

I know my posts either intrigue people, or annoy the hell out of them and that I could have name changed for a far balanced thread ,but I have not name changed.

Those that are familiar with me , will know that my family and I fell out with my elder sister , for not helping the family financially when able to do so. For those who don't know she refused to lend parents , or me money (but enough of the past).

Sister has asked if the kids DD1, 2 ,DS and me will go with her family skiing at Christmas in the Chalet they have rented in Austria ( fully paid by her).
Last night in a phone call she apologised in a "heart felt way" for not helping me or the family like an eldest daughter or sister should have done.

I have said the kids will be going on the holiday, I am of course in two minds whether to go ( my brother is having none of this change from his sister). The thing is Mum/Dad have been putting pressure on all of us to make up, Mum is 70 Dad is 74 so you can see why they want us to be a "family again".
Sister has even suggested my EX comes along and shares a " room with me" Mum and Dad would quite like it if me and the EX get back together (despite being Divorced for three years) . I just want to scream at my life that goes from mad- madder every week.

I did not need to post this thread (maybe I should not have based on my previous post). However, since I have told my life story on the previous thread, I might as well continue posting threads.

You're not going to heal any wounds at all, unless you start to take responsibility for your unreasonable behaviour. Not in a week. Not in a year. Not in a millennium.

Why did you think she should pay for your dd's school fees? So odd.

And now a holiday?

I do feel for your sister. Poor thing, frozen out because of this.

You sound very odd and unreasonable. Unless you have not given the full story I don't understand why you think your sister should have paid your child's school fees. I don't think that I would pay for you to go on holiday if I was your sister and certainly wouldn't apologise. It sounds as if she is doing this for your parents sake.

Ok. I'll bite.
You say as a family you want to make up and forgive and forget.
And your sister offered olive branch.

1- in the intetvening 7 years have you realised you were wrong? Is thete any remorse on your part? Do you regret your part in the fall out?

2- did none of you try to make up before or gave you all been waiting for her?

3-can she join MN and post a thread. Please. Would love to see it....
Or...are you the dsis and this is a reverse?

If you dont want to go, then dont go.
saying you could share a room with your ex is weird, is that some sort of 'get back together' thing? That's not on.
re the feud, is it that you felt that you had a right to your sister's money and fell out with her because she wouldnt give you her money, ordid she make an offer and then change her mind (still her right, of course, but disappointment at an offer withdawn is more understandable than deciding that what someone has belongs to you because they happen to have the same parents as you!)

Clearly this offer from sister is the first Olive Branch to be thrown and is a start for this family breakdown to be healed.

OP your broken family is not going to be healed by 'throwing olive branches'. It is going to take a major change in your whole attitude.
If you are not prepared to do that, the only decent thing you can do is stay behind and let the others go to enjoy their holiday without you.

It is clear you love to think of people seeing you as 'intriguing' but honestly, you really aren't at all, you're just a bit of a dick.

I really hope you don't take your lovely sister up on her offer. She's better off carrying on NC with someone who cuts her out for seven years because she won't be used as a bank. Poor woman, how much must you and/or your parents have fucked up her sense of self worth over the years that she thinks she should do anything for you - never mind pay for an expensive holiday you don't deserve - after what you've done? You should be grovelling to HER and it's so sad she doesn't feel able to stand up for herself on the issue.

It's not the fact that you think rifts take time to heal that is leading to caustic comments aimed at you- it's the fact that you come across as a deeply unpleasant, narcissistic and spiteful individual. Your parents and brother sound equally awful.

I have no idea why your sister would want any of you back in her life, but it seems she does. More fool her. A pity the only way she can do so is to buy you. Are you always so money orientated?

I am still confused as to why your sister is selfish for not lending you money when you demanded. She was under no obligation to do so. I am still more baffled as to why you froze out someone who you feel is "a wonderful person" for 7 years on the basis she wouldn't fund for your lifestyle choices (whether she could afford to do is neither here nor there). What you did to your sister is not something you do to people you love and care for.

In answer to your last post- no, a week's holiday would not fully heal a rift. It may begin the process, of course, but I wouldn't think anyone with an ounce of sense would expect one week's holiday to "make everything as it once was".

I just Don't know if it is that easy to mend family relationships in a 1 week holiday.

Of course it isn't! Not when you won't for one second, acknowledge that this is the most bizarre family set-up ever. Why should your siblings work to fund your lifestyle??

I don't know why I'm being sucked in again. I couldn't cope with your last thread where you really didn't answer points properly and you came up with all sorts of excuses weird reasons for it.

Why do you expect other people to pay for you and your family's life??

Don't know your posting history but think it is desperately sad your sister feels thd need to say she should have paid the school fees (which everyone on the thread apart from you OP thinks she shouldn't) in am attempt to preserve the relationship her children have with her family.

I can't get beyond that .

Talk us through the reasoning behind the funding of private school fees, why this was something you felt your DD should have, why you couldn't pay & why you & the rest of your family felt your sister should have paid these fees instead. I'm fascinated to know where this sense of entitlement to your DSis' money comes from, from you and the rest of your family.

Without this background its hard to say where this 'middle ground' actually is but I suspect it's sitting at your feet, in the form of a fulsome apology for being such a greedy, selfish, entitled sister who mistakenly thought someone else should pay for your expensive wants

Yabvu.

Are your parents toxic also? Why would they treat their eldest child like a bank and not speak to her when she will not pay for something.

We don't know it all that the parents have frozen out the other sister. We only have the OP's word that they also resent her, and we know how far we can trust her judgment of people.

I think it's far more likely that the parents are being pulled both ways by the the OP's dispute with her sister, and the sister is desperately trying to ease their pain by setting up the holiday and even offering an unnecessary apology.

'A weeks holiday will not clear the rift'....I agree but if you go with the attitude of its never going to work ....then it won't.

What impatience said. Not intriguing in any way at all - and I'm fed p with this thread popping up on my 'threads I'm on' list so hiding it now and will not miss it at all. Snorting at the thought of it being 'intriguing' though and cringing for you, OP.

Apologise to your sister for being frosty for 7 years. Hope she excepts. Start over.

Saintly Clause. Mum and Dad had a "successful" business of Pubs/Hotel/ Amusement Arcades , Residential Property and other TAT.

Sister walked out of home at 18 after walking out of A level French exam to make a point to teachers and family who wanted her to go to Oxford.
She went in to Accountancy and became a Partner of a firm. she is now finally going to Oxford next year to do a MSC in Mathematical Finance.

Brother left home at 20 went up to Manchester and has been successful in the property business.

I left my Modern School with 4 D grade GCSEs and went to work for my parents (some-one had to) in 2007 DD1 failed her 11+ (Kent ) Mum and Dads business was in trouble ( we did not take any Salaries for over a year so that we made not one staff member redundant . Brother could not get access to any more money because he was at the time over leveraged with debt. Sister had £20k sitting in a Bank account doing nothing.( Short Summary).

I don't know you or your history but she has every right not to lend you money, especially if it's for school fees which is a luxury thing, not money to keep a roof over your head for food in your belly. I would swallow my pride and go, and have a jolly good time.

You have to explain why you thought she should lend you money otherwise no sympathy will be coming your way from mn.

Does anyone else have a mental image of the Op stamping their foot, arms crossed shouting 'Don't you know who i AM'?

Your dd failed her 11+? It wasn't an emergency... I thought you meant she was a millionaire... She had a few quid in bank.

Yes I woukd apologise to my sister, and enjoy the holiday.

I'll go skiiing for free at xmas

If you were in that much trouble, £20k would have gone nowhere. And why would you lend to a business that has the potential to go under?

'Sister had £20k in a bank account doing nothing'

Umm. It was doing something. It was being hers. In a bank. For security and any other purchases or savings your sister wanted it for for her family.

It was also probably making lots of interest.

You're a special kind of fucking cheeky OP you really are.