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Original poster

"Sister wants to end 7 year dispute with me and family" (I thought about name-changing ).

719 replies

smokepole · 04/10/2014 11:26

I know my posts either intrigue people, or annoy the hell out of them and that I could have name changed for a far balanced thread ,but I have not name changed.

Those that are familiar with me , will know that my family and I fell out with my elder sister , for not helping the family financially when able to do so. For those who don't know she refused to lend parents , or me money (but enough of the past).

Sister has asked if the kids DD1, 2 ,DS and me will go with her family skiing at Christmas in the Chalet they have rented in Austria ( fully paid by her).
Last night in a phone call she apologised in a "heart felt way" for not helping me or the family like an eldest daughter or sister should have done.

I have said the kids will be going on the holiday, I am of course in two minds whether to go ( my brother is having none of this change from his sister). The thing is Mum/Dad have been putting pressure on all of us to make up, Mum is 70 Dad is 74 so you can see why they want us to be a "family again".
Sister has even suggested my EX comes along and shares a " room with me" Mum and Dad would quite like it if me and the EX get back together (despite being Divorced for three years) . I just want to scream at my life that goes from mad- madder every week.

I did not need to post this thread (maybe I should not have based on my previous post). However, since I have told my life story on the previous thread, I might as well continue posting threads.

OP posts:
rookiemater · 04/10/2014 11:47

I'm quite a prolific reader on MN but I haven't come across your name before so I have no previous views.

Your Dsis has offered a free holiday to make up for not lending money in the past. You have accepted for your DCs so I think this thread is around if you should accept for yourself. Well as you have already agreed for the DCs, you have no moral high ground. If you accept, can you at least be gracious about it to your Dsis.
As for your ex - that is a bit weird that she invited him and wants you to share a room. Are you sending mixed messages about your relationship? Even weirder that you would just not say that's not happening, rather than portray it as something that is being done to you on this great steam train that is your life, that apparently you have no control over.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 04/10/2014 11:49

Your sister won't pay your kids' school fees and you're not sure whether to go on a free skiing holiday at Christmas?

HmmHmmHmm
(Head tilt) Have you tried posting in Relationships? I'm sure that will put everyone else's problems in perspective.

m0therofdragons · 04/10/2014 11:49

Hard to know the context but I absolutely would never lend to family or expect family to lend to me. From what this post says (and not having read the previous posts) I think you should apologise to your sister for expecting her to give you any money... That's what banks are for!
She sounds lovely and like she really wants you in her life. Imo life is too short to hold grudges, especially when it comes to family.

trixymalixy · 04/10/2014 11:50

Wow, I feel sorry for your sister!!

WorraLiberty · 04/10/2014 11:50

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ssd · 04/10/2014 11:51

whats a troll?

Purpleroxy · 04/10/2014 11:52

It all seems so weird and fucked up that I cannot see what you have to lose from accepting a free holiday. Go for the week, be nice. If you don't want any further contact after that then don't have any. Obv don't share a room with your ex - do either of you have new partners? If so that would make a good reason for people who don't get why you wouldn't want to do it anyway.

Original poster
smokepole · 04/10/2014 11:54

Chipped/ Sooty. She said she should have lent the money and now regrets the last 7 years of spending Christmas Day away from her family.

She wants her Children , Brothers and Mine to have a close family relationship and realises , she has to make the first move to get things to how they were before the fall out.

I have been "rude" about her but deep down I love her dearly and always looked up to the "brains of the family". DD1 has just gone to Leicester University . Sister drove from Chelmsford to see DD1 and help her get settled in and bought DD1 a lovely academic diary.

My sister is/can be a wonderful person, though at times she can be very selfish and forget about Mum/Dads wishes.

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnish · 04/10/2014 11:54

Come on OP, come back and regale us with inappropriately capitalised tales of why you can't work, your daughter's friends and your brother's tax inefficient plans to buy your kids cars, because you can't.

minkymuskyslyoldstoaty · 04/10/2014 11:55

this is all very disjointed, compelling read though.

Confused
RabidFairy · 04/10/2014 11:56

I think your best advice comes from Minkah on this thread.

Not seen any of the previous threads but from the very brief stuff you've shared I think your sister has suffered enough and you should make peace with her. The only thing that she has done wrong IMO is the stuff about you and your ex, which is none of her business.

AmIthatHot · 04/10/2014 11:56

I'm another who doesn't know the OP from Adam.

You're sister is extending the olive branch,she is clearly aware that your parents are getting older and are upset by a family rift.

I don't know what your problem is, to be honest

And I don't have time to search for another thread to be intrigued or annoyed by you.

iamsoannoyed · 04/10/2014 11:56

Are you serious? Your sister should give money for your DDs school fees? On what planet is this?

No-one else is responsible for paying your child's school fees. If you can't afford it, then you cut your cloth accordingly. You are not entitled to demand other people's money. If my family did this, I would be really hurt and offended. I think I would be the one cutting off contact.

Your sister is more forgiving than I would be if my family stopped contact with me because I wouldn't finance the lifestyle to which they felt entitled to but did not have the income to achieve.

As to the holiday- you must want to make up with her. Why else send your children on holiday with her? If so, do so with good grace or not at all. Or are you just intent on using her to get your DCs are nice holiday (could you afford it if she wasn't paying?). You sound very selfish and unkind.

Chippednailvarnish · 04/10/2014 11:56

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SaucyJack · 04/10/2014 11:57

I do sympathise OP. I also have a selfish, arsehole sibling who thinks he's entitled to spend his wages on himself rather than supporting my children.

Shall we go sadfacing to Take A Break together?

Oldraver · 04/10/2014 11:58

I started to read the other thread but filed it under 'totally nuts' poster.....

Nothings changed.

No one owes you anything financially, I really feel sorry for your sister that she feels she has to buy you, it sounds like the only way you judge people

OraProNobis · 04/10/2014 11:58

This is so odd that it's making me reach for my blood pressure tablets! I don't know your backstory and I didn't read the thread about the lying daughter so I know nothing of you.
My brother is much much wealthier than pretty much any of us. He got that way through hard work and clever investment. He doesn't pay for anything for his siblings - nor would we expect him to. In fact the idea is so alien to me I'm sitting here shaking my head in disbelief. He does buy stuff for our parents IF they want something but that's not often as they too are not badly off - but he's recently treated Mum to an iPad due to a change in her circumstances.
Please please explain why you thought she should pay your kids fees in the first place so I can maybe better understand a little of what makes you tick.

ilovesooty · 04/10/2014 11:59

In fact your eldest daughter is now an adult and can surely decide for herself whether she wants to accept this handout. It's not for you to decide how she spends her university vacation. She might want thportunity to distance herself from her toxic family.

PrettyPictures92 · 04/10/2014 12:00

Is having popcorn passed about classed as feeding the trolls Chipped? Cause I'm debating setting up a stall for folk to help themselves. But maybe I should ask my sister to finance it cause she has a better life style than me?

youmakemydreams · 04/10/2014 12:01

That thread you've said to read says you have been divorced 5 years this one says 3 Confused thought the other thread might have more back story about the money lending but it didn't.

Am appalled your sister says now she should have loaned you the money Shock she absolutely bloody shouldn't have. You are totally wrong and now acting like you may be doing her a favour going on a holiday she is paying for. Omg you cannot be real. Truly you can't.

ArsenicFaceCream · 04/10/2014 12:01

Personally I'd be devastated that she only bothered to drive from Chelmsford.

If she's really wanted to demonstrate true contrition, she'd have started from Aberdeen Sad

And a diary!?

Familyguyfan · 04/10/2014 12:02

I have no idea about your previous posts or your dispute with your sistwr. However, from the little detail here, I feel so sorry for your sister. You, your brother and your parents punished her because she wouldn't pay your daughter's school fees. Regardless of why you couldn't pay these yourself, your sister has no obligation at all to step in and pay them and you have, by the sounds of it, treated her appallingly. If I were you, based on the limited detail here, I would beg her forgiveness and take a long hard look at myself and my expectations. This really is shocking behaviour on your part. Shame on you!

Sallyingforth · 04/10/2014 12:02

Your sister has invited your ex along on this holiday? That's very kind of her, but she probably has a lot of sympathy for him.

youmakemydreams · 04/10/2014 12:02

Ah sorry yes ther is and you're still in the wrong.

InAnotherLife · 04/10/2014 12:03

Went to look at previous thread for the backstory but its 24 pages long! Shock

Link here if anyone else was looking for it.