"Sister wants to end 7 year dispute with me and family" (I thought about name-changing ).

[smokepole]

I know my posts either intrigue people, or annoy the hell out of them and that I could have name changed for a far balanced thread ,but I have not name changed.

Those that are familiar with me , will know that my family and I fell out with my elder sister , for not helping the family financially when able to do so. For those who don't know she refused to lend parents , or me money (but enough of the past).

Sister has asked if the kids DD1, 2 ,DS and me will go with her family skiing at Christmas in the Chalet they have rented in Austria ( fully paid by her).
Last night in a phone call she apologised in a "heart felt way" for not helping me or the family like an eldest daughter or sister should have done.

I have said the kids will be going on the holiday, I am of course in two minds whether to go ( my brother is having none of this change from his sister). The thing is Mum/Dad have been putting pressure on all of us to make up, Mum is 70 Dad is 74 so you can see why they want us to be a "family again".
Sister has even suggested my EX comes along and shares a " room with me" Mum and Dad would quite like it if me and the EX get back together (despite being Divorced for three years) . I just want to scream at my life that goes from mad- madder every week.

I did not need to post this thread (maybe I should not have based on my previous post). However, since I have told my life story on the previous thread, I might as well continue posting threads.

Oh, and your obsession with grades - not everything in life boils down to how well you did in school / what school/university got into

Arsenic . I have No "plan" or idea , that's an answer to Arsenic

Do you want one? I think you need one.

This can all be sorted, you know.

(comment from another thread, in case anyone's confused)

Pausing. What should I have been paid then as a Director of a £3 million pound + turnover a year , spending on average 50 hours a week.
I was not overpaid for what I did . What amount per HR is having a Knife put towards your thought worth, when counting money in a family Arcade worth ?.

I have many skills that could be an asset to any business , I just can't and wont get a chance to use or show them.

It is a bit of a crude " Measure " of some -ones Intelligence or ability to be based on GCSE results from 24 years ago I think (incidentally Mom a Diagnosis of ASD / Dyspraxia is most likely to come from a specialist in three weeks time). I also want to put this point over to some of you , who are "Sneering" at my grades , to even get those grades , with Zero help or teaching , requires "IQ" .

You seem to have been dependent on your family all your life and you have brough up your children in the same way. They need to know that you need to work to go skiing/buy houses/go to private school- and to know that you cut back on the things you can't afford.
Also stop blaming others - tax authorities/sister/parents/labour party and take some responsibility

Smoke - I think you need to talk about your situation with someone in RL - not strangers on a website.

Your life todate has clearly not made you happy and so you need to change something. As the saying goes, if you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got.

As Arsenic says, you need a concrete plan about how you can go forward from here. Work out what you would like your relationship with your parents and your siblings to be. How dependant do you feel you should be?

Do you feel that they owe you because you sacrificed your life to be involved in the family business when they did not want to? My grandmother felt a little like this and spent her whoel life being bitter about it. Let it go and depend on yourslef for what you need.

Smokepole - in the years you worked for your parents, you will have gained valuable, marketable skills. I think you would benefit from making a list of those skills - it will show you that you have so much more to offer than just your GCSE grades, and that would boost your self-esteem.

Goosey Loosey. You are right but in real life, you just can't say the things I have said "Anon" I would never tell anyone my parents had nearly £2 Million in a bank (though everybody thinks they are "Loaded") Some of the stories I have overheard ( like my TRUST FUND ) (I know it is really ?) . If somebody in real life asked about finance or my situation ( I would tell them to F OFF). People really thought I did not send DD1 private, because the "family" wanted to toughen her up for a couple of years !

I have posted a bit of "light hearted" things there , but I do need to talk to some-one in Real life who will listen to me and not assume , I have no Problems either in financial or more importantly in emotional terms.

That is one of the reasons I want to move to Timperley, because I want to cut the cord , but can't cut it completely .

But you wouldn't be 'cutting the cord'! You are swopping one cord for another instead of standing on your own two feet.
What happens when your children are grown? Do you just never intend on working again?

Maybe distance will weaken the pull of the cord, and help smokepole to start taking steps towards independence.

Yes I do intend Working again, the OU course is a stepping stone to that, even if it does not directly lead to employment. It will give me confidence, that I am able to succeed away from a family dominated business.

I also feel that with a bit of help, I could really enjoy learning about complex issues in society and achieve a worth while Qualification , to me anyway.

Her brother is pressuring her to move up there (to be near him) with 'enticements' of car, cash etc SDTG. It is a way for her to be kept on a short leash/within the fold/under control/whatever. I don't know if you saw that bit?

So when did you leave the family business? What year?

Studying - great idea.

Diagnostic assessment - great idea.

Moving to Mancs (?) - dreadful idea.

Continued financial dependence on family - dreadful idea.

Just my humble opinion.

SDTG is right, though, that a move could be really good for you.

You could apply to a 'physical uni' for Sept 2015 and move too. Even a short distance would help. One of the degrees I liked upthread (the one with a placement year) is taught at Chatham. Somewhere like Sittingbourne has affordable houses and reasonable schools (inc grammar). Just a thought. There are loads of possibilities.

You need to realise you do have options.

I had missed the bit about her brother offering the inducements to move to Manchester - sorry, Arsenic.

Highsted is a great school (and could fit DD2) in the Sixth Form. it was just a bit too far from "Whitstable" for DD1 not that, she wanted to go there anyway for Sixth Form.

Don't know much about Borden Grammar !.

Well there you go then (and here I was thinking you meant Simon Langton )

Entry Requirements for Highsted would to give DD or Me sleepless nights Either 6 C with B grades in what you are studying at A level (

It is certainly an option for me to think about, whether Highsted is significantly better than current (It is one of two). I don't know Borden I'm not sure about it but Canterbury is 15 miles from Sittingbourne so Langton Boys is long journey I also would prefer Single sex for both DC so would not like Queen Elizabeth's . Highsted has "4" boys on its roll 0.5% at present so is still a girls school.

Would not give DD nor me Sleepless nights .

I bet those four boys are happy

You have some time to think.

I got to your post at 11.54 and then quit. You sound insane or hairy handed. I hope your sister has the wit to stay well clear.

OneSkinnyChip in this day and age do you think "insane or hairy handed" is the correct way to refer to someone with mental health issues? Do you call people in wheelchairs cripples?

Smoke I really think you are far to focused on education. There is a lot more to schools than just exam results. I have just about the cash to send my son to fee paying, but that will not be happening. As long as he is not in an underachieving school I will be happy.

Can I recommend you read some books by Daniel Goleman on Emotional Intelligence? Studies have shown that academic intelligence is not a great predictor of future earning capacity, it is social intelligence. In other words it is better to be street smart than book smart. So what if your children do not get straight As or Oxbridge places? Does not matter that much.

I think much of your focus on education may be because people, in particular your parents, take the piss out of you for not having ten GCSEs. So what? Read Lord Sugar's Twitter, that guy can hardly spell, has not held him back.

As for your other question, I would have wanted 60K as a director of a 3m t/o company, however 40K is on the bottom end of what is acceptable.

If your parents have 2m in the bank, I would ask them for that 110K they owe you. NOW.

I'm a Financial Adviser and have been reading the last couple of pages with my work head on rather than my mumsnet one!

In terms of Inheritance Tax, any gifts that smokes parents give her out of their normal expenditure that do not impact on their standard of living are exempt. It is a little known and far underused Inheritance Tax exemption and perfectly legitimate. As they are gifts, they are not taxable in Smoke's hands either. However, if they were to give her 110K as a lump sum, this would be classed as a potentially exempt transfer for IHT purposes and could attract IHT if either or both of them died within seven years of the gift.

It is also feasible that funds from the sale of the business have been invested in such a manner that they continue to attract business property relief and again, this relief would mean that the estate would not pay Inheritance Tax on these assets. Again perfectly legitimate.

As for the way the original deal was structured...can see no advantage to anyone (other than the obvious!) based on what has been written.

Wow you are brainy blastedchickens