Seeing the light, and healing the hurt. Breaking free from 'him'.

[surereadyforchange]

Hello, this is a new thread following on from my last one where I received lots of wonderful advice and support regarding the reality of the situation I was in with an abusive shit of a 'man'.
I am seeing things more and more for what they are now, but I still have along way to go
Old thread here:
Previous thread

It was quite satisfying- just NO!!!
It amuses me too that he always says he'll leave me alone- then carries on messaging me. He always does it.

Oh crikey, I hope you feel a sense of release at having messaged him - I know how hard it's been for you to Hold It All In. Totally understandable what you did and why you did it and I hope you've got it out of your system now.

I hope your DS is better - nothing worse than D+V, even more so for a child. And the parent looking after them…

I am really annoyed and deflated and disappointed on your behalf that the police and WA have not been more proactive to help you and support you.
Otoh it means that the position you find yourself in now is ALL your doing - so well done. I hope you can find a way to upwards and onwards and that he does pipe down.

If not I would attach every single of his texts/IMs/emails/FB mesages/whichever way he finds to contact you to the email address of 'your' PO and send it to him. Every. Single. Fucking. Time.
You don't even have to comment - just send it.

Wishing you a nice afternoon and DS a recovering tummy.
Thomas rocks!!

I'm also sorry that the relevant police aren't doing their bit. If there is a county crossover could you start a new file of logs with your current area? I don't fully understand so forgive me if I'm talking nonsense.

In any case, don't lose heart, don't respond any more. I think you have enough stuff on your phone and it might be time to do something about blocking him phone wise? Maybe even contacting his phone provider if you know it (again, I'm ignorant, forgive me) to complain of his activities?

Just thoughts. Strength, dear Sure ...

Well I live in one county where i reported it. They had to hand to county where offence occurred. He lives in yet another county, the petrol station is in another one, and my friend giving evidence is in yet another :(

Oh and thank you for DS wishes, we're geeking out with some geology programmes

He's astounded at the carbon dating of meteorites :)

Gah, do not talk to me about 'territorial' pissing-aboutness aka 'how to grind somebody down until they can no longer be bovvered' (disclaimer: I may be projecting from work ishoos).

Carbon dating IS astounding!

I'm glad you responded in a weak but ANGRY moment, not a sad, missing what you ought to have had moment.

However he regards your message, maybe your new and hard won strength will get through to him at some level.

I'm so disgusted at the delays and frustrations of your dealing with the police, and even more so at the lack of help from WA. Is there any chance you are coming across as so capable that they do not realise the danger of the position you are in?

MNetters keep posting to say they've been following your threads but not posted so far - can you imagine us all in a big circle around you, giving you strengh and love?

Because we are here, and we care.

Yes, Sure, we are here in a big circle, rows and rows of us, as far as the eye can see.....and we do care.

Thank you all
I'm going to visualise a supportive circle around myself as I go off to sleep tonight.
As regards WA, the lady often texts and says "how are you, have you heard anything from police?" , I reply something like "Nothing at all, I've emailed and nothing, 'he's ' been sending distressing messages, I'm feeling really quite distressed and down" ... then she doesn't reply

So I've not been saying I'm fine IYSWIM. I said to the police officer in my last email that I'm terrified and I'm worried he'll get away with it and he was quite reassuring, but still no reply to Monday's email where i was asking for update /timescale/whats likely to happen this week?
I dunno, maybe I have trained myself to come across as being fine!

I guess I'm trying to find excuses/reasons for what seems like unthinkingly cruel behaviour on their part.
For WA perhaps there are other women in more immediate danger.
Not much comfort is it?

I might put together a letter of congratulations.
He's got away with abusive controlling behaviour again. Feel like going round and doing a slow clap outside his house. Failing that a brick through his window, see how he feels worrying and being upset.

Its been over a month since i made my statement, in a week it will be two months since he raped me, it has been four and a half years I've been on the receiving end of his abusive nature and he is still doing exactly what he wants.

This>> ^If not I would attach every single of his texts/IMs/emails/FB mesages/whichever way he finds to contact you to the email address of 'your' PO and send it to him. Every. Single. Fucking. Time.
You don't even have to comment - just send it.^

I agree. Please do this.

I've already (monday) copied/pasted texts he's sent (re wanting to shag me for hrs, only he can give me what i know i want etc) to PO handling case. No reply.

Morning Sure

There may be something in this suggestion:

....attach every single one of his texts/IMs/emails/FB mesages/whichever way he finds to contact you to the email address of 'your' PO and send it to him. Every. Single. Fucking. Time. You don't even have to comment - just send it.

Would paint a very clear picture about the drip-drip, ongoing nature of the harassment you are experiencing. If you did do something like this, it would mean that when you speak to the police officer again you can [again] explain how this constant presence is keeping you on edge and is clearly an ongoing attempt by him to control you.

I find your situation to be quite chilling, I really am sorry you are having to go through this. Wishing you strength and a good day today.

Oh, and try to resist anything involving bricks through windows...

Ive texted WA lady saying how i feel. She has actually replied!! She said sorry i feel that way. She'll try and ring police today.
I'm feeling quite irrational actually, I could easily drive an hour to his house and tell him to fucking leave me alone and how dare he do this for all these years.

Thing is that i have, Ipokebadgers.
I keep telling them how he keeps on, how i feel.
Then nothing.

Hi sure, I've been following your thread still, amazed you are still waiting. Surely this is not acceptable, there must be someone you can complain to? The poor recording and handling of crime npby police has been qll over the news for the last couple of days, there must be someone responsible who you can escalate it to? I don't know much about this but it's shocking that you reported one of the most serious types of crime a month ago and nothing has happened, and the man who attacked you is still free to torment you. It's absurd.

I could easily drive an hour to his house and tell him to fucking leave me alone and how dare he do this for all these years.

Umm, please don't.

I'll go. I have my own brick.

He probably wont be in

Thanks Teeny :)

Kateegee, I'm sure they'd all repeat that they're busy. It's not serious though, is it, to them?
If there were visible marks, or he'd punched me in the face rather than raped me, I'm sure a lot more would be done more quickly.
It still seems in this country that rape is seen as a bit icky, brushed under the carpet. 'She was drunk' 'she was wearing a skimpy outfit' 'she was in a relationship with him' 'she'd previously had consensual sex with him' - conviction rates certainly represent this.

This man has been tormenting me for years..but never mind eh when there are 'real' crimes going on.