Seeing the light, and healing the hurt. Breaking free from 'him'.

[surereadyforchange]

Hello, this is a new thread following on from my last one where I received lots of wonderful advice and support regarding the reality of the situation I was in with an abusive shit of a 'man'.
I am seeing things more and more for what they are now, but I still have along way to go
Old thread here:
Previous thread

Just posting to say thinking of you

Thanks all,
Teeny, to you having to cope with what you have.

DS still a bit peaky looking today so I've taken the day off uni to keep him home. He's currently under a blanket on the sofa watching his go-to comfort, Thomas the tank engine :)

Slept really lightly, kept getting up to check on DS, in the early hours he messaged me on instagram saying something about how he loves me but doesn't want to go to sleep and wake up on his own anymore and he's wasting his time waiting for me...
A flame just ignited and I messaged him back saying that I LOVE going to sleep and waking up on my own, that it far exceeds being with an abusive bastard like him, that I always used to wake up on my own anyway, after he would get pissy and leave in the middle of the night.
That I LOVE being able to do what I want and see who I want without walking on eggshells worrying about when he'll kick off or start screaming at me for hours of accuse me of sleeping with half the country, that he doesn't love me and he doesn't know what it is, he only knows obsession, control and need, and how he cant rape, control or take what he wants from me anymore. I left it for 30 mins so I knew he would read it, then I deleted the thread so no one can see I've replied.

I was half asleep so probably didn't fully consider what I was doing, but hopefully that will help toward him stopping the messages. At the very least I got some frustration out.

I have heard fuck all from WA lady after replying to her text I got yesterday, I have heard fuck all from Police after sending emails yesterday.

I have been bothering them but its either we'll update you or as it is at the moment, just no reply.

Like its has been pointed out on here, I need to move on, whether police do anything or not, whether he actually gets reprimanded or is free to go round doing whatever the hell he wants to women like me, I need to sort MY own head out because its bringing me down.

sure I haven't posted on either of your threads before but have followed them and really hope that you work things out and move on.

I'm sure you must have been so frustrated and can understand why you replied, but the fact that you did will mean that he has been greatly encouraged. He will not stop now. I really think you should get back onto the Police pronto and get them to escalate it. I'm afraid that he will now go into overdrive. It took a month, but the way he will see it, he finally cracked you. I can't possibly see how you are going to get him off your back now without professional support.

Wishing you well.

HI Sure

Sorry to hear things are so hard. Not sure whether messaging him was a good idea or not, but is done now. Hopefully it got some stuff off your chest, and at least the message was consistent in that you do not want him in your life...and no-one [except sadly, possibly him] can argue that it was any sort of an invitation.

Just please for the love of your safety and and new-found freedom and all the wonderful progress you have made so far in building a better life for you and your son, please do not reply to any more texts

Do not get sucked into any dialogue with him

I am worried that he will see your response as a victory...that he will disregard the actual message and just focus on the fact that you have responded. I fear he will see it as a chink in your armour.

Please please, do not engage. Do not explain yourself to him. Do not justify your anger and hurt in the hope that he will give explanations or remorse or promises of change. He will not change and they will just be hollow words to suck you back in. Please do not allow that

I hope today is better for you and DS feels a little bit brighter.

PS just keep bothering people, an email a day or every other day. You shouldnt have to fight like this, i'm sorry that seems to be the way the world works.

Oh, sure, that your frustration should come to that! Hope today goes better, and you manage some sleep.

First this this morning, I'd get in touch with WA and the police AGAIN and tell them about this blip of yours.

It's all very well to say "move on", like it's an easy thing, but it sometimes requires closure, and it's definitely not helped by twunt contacting you all the time.

I don't do Instagram, so, honest question over here: but how is he still able to see you on that? I'd seriously consider blocking him and anybody who knows him, or getting off it entirely. Think of him like rats getting into the house - they'll keep coming round through whichever little chink he can find. You have to stop that.

To be honest Pompodd It's not like he hasn't been messaging me every day as it is.

Also it's not like I haven't been 'onto the Police' either, I've told them and WA everything that's been happening.

I am not going to reply to anything else. I just got sick of the constant relentless YOUDONTLOVEMEILOVEYOUYOURESHAGGINGSOMEONEELSEIKEEPDREAMINGABOUTYOUANDOURCHILDRENIWANTTOMAKELOVETOYOUFORHOURSYOUKNOWI'MTHEONLYONETHATCANFUCKYOURIGHTYOUKNOWYOUWANTMETHEREISNOONEELSEBUTYOUILOVEYOUMEETMEYOUVEGOTSOMEONEELSEILOVEYOU
I wasn't explaining myself, just saying NO basically. There is no physical evidence I have replied, and knowing him as I do, it will make no difference to the frequency or content of messages.

I doubt it will make any difference to the entire situation other than reinforce to him that I do not want him back. No one seems to care anyway, so I may as well follow my gut. I have to look after and protect myself anyway, as I doubt anything will come of police/WA involvement as despite constant badgering I have had no result thus far, showing that I am far from important.

I don't want to be made to feel like I've done a bad thing by messaging him. I've now got the guilts like i'm the one that's done something bad.
No one else is going to pick me up and dust me off. No one is coming to help, no one ever has.

I could just sit around waiting for police to tell him off, or I can send one last "GO AWAY" and get on with my life.
Block, block, delete, delete, ignore.
If he gets arrested, he gets arrested. I have so much on my list I don't even know where to start, landlord problems, Uni work to catch up on, house work, DS, his school probs, trying not to vomit!

I cant sit around on tenterhooks fucking worrying about it or I can move on. I'm so sick and tired.

I know sure and I wasn't criticising at all. But this guy is dangerous and fucked up. I'm afraid that he will view any response from you as an encouragement. It doesn't matter to him what you say in the response, just that you do respond.

I understand re the Police and WA. All I meant was that I'd be thinking about ringing again, telling them about the blip and saying you are now worried and concerned about what he might do. I'm so sorry that the Police aren't being more pro-active. I guess they have limited resources and unless you are making it more difficult for them not to respond, it's easier for them to focus on all of the other priorities they have.

Well, although its not great that you responded for the reasons people said above, the message can not have left any ambiguity as to whether you want him to contact you or not.
Take it easy on yourself

Ipokebadgers - yes, I know he will not change, please don't worry I will be sucked back in- I see it.

Well my thinking is that police might tell me off for responding, hence deleting everything!

You're only human sure, he's been chipping and chipping away at you so I can totally understand why you snapped. The police have let you down spectacularly - this man has raped and abused you and is now continuing to hound you and they're doing nothing about it. It makes me extremely angry on your behalf so I can only imagine how you feel about it. It does make me wonder just how serious it needs to be before they will take action... Very worrying indeed.

I believe that you won't get sucked in and start messaging him - and there is just a chance that such an articulate and clearly heartfelt message might get him to stop messaging for a while. At least he can't now pretend to himself that you are sitting at home missing him.

Enjoy your day. You are becoming a very different person to the one who first posted several weeks ago. Here's hoping that the police and WA get their acts together soon to give you more support.

It makes me wonder too Ellasmum , I am used to no one taking action to defend me, though...that sounds self-pitying, but it's not meant to be. Just how it is, I will move on regardless, for my lovely DS.

Thank you Longtallsally he will do what he always does (as my old counsellor used to say) so no point expecting him to suddenly have a revelation and think oh god i'm so sorry! I just need to leave it behind now, hard as it is.

I am just not expecting anything anymore.

Don't you be feeling guilty now, you have done nothing wrong! No-one was criticising you, people are just concerned for you.

Hopefully you are wrong when you say that

I doubt anything will come of police/WA involvement as despite constant badgering I have had no result thus far, showing that I am far from important

and there will be some movement on this soon, but i really hope you can see that there are lots of people on here who do think you are important and who want only the best for you because you deserve so much more than an existence that is overshadowed by this abusive creep.

Wishing you a better day.

Oh, sure, you are so sweet. And, unfortunately in this case, that does go hand-in-hand with naïve. What makes you think he didn't get a screengrab of it and will show it to the cops when if they ever get around to arresting him? That's one of the reasons I said you have to be proactive in ringing them. It's been A WHOLE MONTH since you completed their statement. Not only do they need to get their thumbs out, they need to know the effect not having done so is having on you. You replying to twunt was not the wisest thing you've done, but, given the circumstances, perfectly understandable, and you should not feel ashamed. They should.

I'm PMing you with a practical example I don't want to share with everybody.

Mainly because he's shit with technology and I doubt he'd know how to screenshot it. But i'm past caring tbh! :)

Sure - you sounds angry;- good! I get that - you are frustrated, stressed, angry, worried, sick...and you really should not have this on you at all.

Please direct that anger at the police for not protecting you from this. Please get onto your local councillor, or MP, and get them involved. Please contact anyone you can think of to get his bastard arrested, or at least out of your life. Sod emails - get phoning.

When the police have done something (anything) then at the very least you can block, ignore, delete his calls/texts/anyhting. At the moment you are even having to keep reading them, keep getting them - you can't even change your number!

Stay strong. (And please don't respond again - you are in danger of giving him ammunition )

Right, moving forward. His next message to you will probably be based on your response of last night and will probably be:

I feel so terrible, of course you must never want to see me again and I totally get that except that I LUFFS YOU and so you must give me a chance to show my devotion

PLEASE don't be tempted to engage in a dialogue with this idiot, no matter how irritating he gets. Hopefully his response will have less emotional impact for you if you have accurately predicted what it'll say..... makes him more amusing and less endearing (although I think that ship has probably sunk by now).

Yes, please don't be tempted. If I understand it correctly this is the first time you have outright accused him of rape? Please, please be careful as you don't know how he might respond to this.

Messages this morning by text were (not quoting just gist): 1 thanks for your message, I do love you, i'm sorry for pain caused, i'll leave you alone. 2. I dreamed about you and our children last night - i'm an intense person 3. theres no one else, I wanted to know if you loved me 4. is this really what you want? is that really how you feel? if you don't respond i'll guess so

I 100% will not reply - I've said my piece.

Pompodd , no, he brought it up actually by fb message the day after, I agreed, he agreed that's what he was and told me to report him.

The day after he did it, to be clear.

Well I guess that it's good that you feel confident you've said your bit. I bet it felt quite satisfying at the time!

I am slightly amused at how you got 3 messages after 'I'll leave you alone' well, a mix of amused and