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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My friend ran over to ask me this morning why there was a pretty young lady in our car with my fella!

207 replies

Trio · 27/09/2006 16:59

Im willing to accept that maybe im being a bit daft about this, BUT, i called and asked dp and he said yes, she is called Rachel, she started work there a few weeks ago and he has been picking her and giving her a lift ever since! We only have one car and up until a few weeks ago (funnily enough) i had the car most of the time as he got a lift of a friend, but suddenly he decided he needs the car all the time - hmm i wonder why that is! AND she only lives round the corner from us - why has he failed to tell me all of this? and only told me grudgingley when i asked him about it? My friend said she looked really young and pretty! im trying not to be silly about it but i have to wonder why he hasnt said anything at all about her!

OP posts:
Original poster
Trio · 27/09/2006 17:39

NJ why do you seem annoyed because i have a problem with dp giving a gorgeous girl a lift to work every day and not telling me? - it may well be abit shallow and insecure on my part, but in fear of sounding cliche, im only human, and i think your dp/dh is or SHOULD be the one person in the world to make you feel loved and secure, NOT the opposite!

OP posts:
hulababy · 27/09/2006 17:39

I too would have expected DH to have mentioned it to me, especially when there seems to have been a sudden change in his need to have the car.

But maybe that is because I expect t o live in an open and honest relationship.

Trio - why not ask him again about?

NatalieJane · 27/09/2006 17:40

I'm not making anything up! I asked a question.

Maybe it is just down to different ways people percieve things but I really don't see the harm in it - or what the husband has done wrong. Maybe it is me being the fool in believing that my DH married me for life, not till the next 'young thing' came along? Who knows?

hub2dee · 27/09/2006 17:40

May I clarify, Trio, which of my gut instincts was right / you agree with ? For example, how do you feel about your friend who spied the young lovely ? LOL

moondog · 27/09/2006 17:42

lol at revived use of 'fella' too CD.
As you say,usually only used for some David Essex lookalike with sideburns and a Ford Cortina,squiring a girl with Farrah Fawcett flicks and maxi dress.

NatalieJane · 27/09/2006 17:44

Sorry, I'm not annoyed or anything like that, I honestly just don't see the problem... I'm really not being argumentative or anything, I just don't get it.

Tell me to bugger off if you don't want me on your thread, I am just trying to understand why you would feel so threatened (if that is what you are feeling) by your DH's actions?

Joolstoo · 27/09/2006 17:45

so NJ if your friend came over and gave you the same story as this - you wouldn't be a little bit curious why your dh hadn't mentioned it, you wouldn't ask him about?

I find that kind of odd.

lemonaid · 27/09/2006 17:47

NJ -- I think "wrong" is overstating it, but

  • until recently Trio's DP left her the car all day and got a lift to work with a friend
  • a young and attractive woman recently started working with him
  • he immediately stopped getting a lift with a friend, started taking the car from Trio and giving the young and attractive woman a lift instead
  • he didn't mention any of this to Trio (e.g. "I'll need the car in the day now as I've agreed to give a colleague a lift in in the mornings")

Not "wrong", but odd.

hub2dee · 27/09/2006 17:47

Er... excuse me, but I have sideburns and a Cortina.

lemonaid · 27/09/2006 17:48

You're getting us all excited now, hub.

Dee is a lucky woman

hulababy · 27/09/2006 17:49

I find it quite unusual for someone to say they wouldn't be just a little curious as to why their DH had kept something from them like this, especially something so innoent as giving a colleague a lift to work every day.

CountessDracula · 27/09/2006 17:50

do you shout "GUV" a lot?

theUrbanDryad · 27/09/2006 17:50

i would feel threatened by those actions!! i would be jealous as funk if my DP "suddenly" started needing the car to give a pretty, young new colleague into work. but then i'm insecure. i'm also a hard-nosed bitch though, so i like the idea of suggesting he ask her (and her DP/DH if she has one) round for dinner. i certainly don't think going in all guns blazing is the way to go with this one, and i also agree with other posters about the friend who told you about this...

hmm...not that i'm bringing out my own insecurities here or anything

theUrbanDryad · 27/09/2006 17:51

i'm jealous of your ford cortina too hub....

NatalieJane · 27/09/2006 17:53

I probably would ask him about it, but only because I am nosy!! I wouldn't be worried about it, or ask someone else what they thought of the whole situation, not getting at Trio for asking BTW, if it is playing on her mind then ask away that is what MN is all about, as I said maybe I am the fool, but I really don't think I would have my DH hung, drawn, and quartered, for not mentioning that he was giving someone a lift to work.

hub2dee · 27/09/2006 17:56

I have furry seat covers. They are so soft on the skin, laydees.

Joolstoo · 27/09/2006 17:59

does your dw know about this hub?

fairyjay · 27/09/2006 18:06

Trio
I would feel exactly the same. How would your dh feel if you had been giving a gorgeous hunk a lift to work for a few weeks, but had never thought to mention it.
NJ
Chat about day to day things is what makes a sound relationship - and I would have expected this to come out in chat.

And Trio - I'd definitely want the car back!!

CountessDracula · 27/09/2006 18:09

"hunk" there's another one

Are we in a 70's time warp here?

theUrbanDryad · 27/09/2006 18:12

hub2dee - do you give pretty ladies lifts to work in your ford cortina with the furry seats?? huh????

AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/09/2006 18:16

Its not so much the lift to work that is so troubling; its the very fact that Trio's partner saw fit not to mention it to Trio (probably for the reasons that hub2dee has suggested).

You need to talk with him and he needs to be completely honest if trust is to be fully regained here.

Shades of Zac Goldsmith (his recent behaviour is also highly suspect) here methinks.

nellie245 · 27/09/2006 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kellywellyboots · 27/09/2006 18:23

i bet you £100 hub2dee is bang on the money, guv. your dp:
A- fancies her
B- prob wouldnt do anyhting about it, but feels guilty and furtive just for thinking it, so hasnt said anything in case he blushes and makes himself look guilty.
C- has convinced himself that he just sees her as a friend, but one who he'd go out of his way to help (ie. give lifts to)
C- might be easily pulled by her if she tries it on

i would bring it up and chat breezily about it, laugh (with him, not at him) about his 'affair' in front of someone he cant get stroppy in front of, like his mum or yours and therefore bring the whole thing out in the open in a no-big-deal, no pressure sort of way, and have a word with the friend. if shes stirring, and enjoying doing so, then shes not much of a pal.

NJ - you sound like you have a wonderful trusting relationship and thats great... dont think trio is making a big deal out of this, just musing really, in a curious sort of way.

NotQuiteCockney · 27/09/2006 18:27

Huh? What has Zach Goldsmith been up to?

I am really really not suspicious, and DH is really really not the running around kind - I'd expect him to tell me about lifts. He gets lifts home from work from colleagues every so often, and always says "oh, I got a lift home from X". I don't think he's ever got a lift home from a women (doesn't work with many), but I expect a woman would be mentioned, same as a bloke (or fella!).

Piffle · 27/09/2006 18:33

Just wondering how would your dh normally get to work Trio?
Might they still end up sharing a journey if they bussed or cabbed it?
I agree with folks and folkesses who agree the issue is the not telling initially and I do suspect also that Hub is on the money. Despite the sideburns and the cortina (unless it's a MKI in which case he is a GOD)