It was never 'work stress', it's emotional abuse and you're going to get divorced because of it H! (part3)

[thenamehaschanged]

New thread!

As always I'm hopeless and can't link properly to my old thread Work stress? Err I don't think so mate'

Thank you everyone for finishing off the last thread- glad to be starting afresh actually! I did have a little chuckle about Greg the plumber (Phwoar!!) thanks H for the suggestion - us at Mumsnet ran with it and he sounds like my dream man haha!

Anyway - I'm upstairs as usual avoiding going down and seeing old King of the Castle in his throne. He came up half an hour ago in the hope of 'some action' but was told to bugger off - he's manageable at the moment because all of a sudden it's him who's 'scared to rock the boat' and keeps telling me how grateful if he is to have been allowed back - yack! (You didn't give me a lot of choice H though did you? You played every emotional card in your pack and then literally forced your way in!)

Anyway - I'm feeling strong, seeing the police tomorrow - and action plan will be in place!

Love to you all

Just a quick note - the 2 visualisations I have posted are exercises to help someone detach mentally and emotionally from shit that is happening to them. They take a little practice, but are well worth learning how to implement.

Hoping for a peaceful night for you, name. Of course, there's always Del Monte!!! If you don't feel like bothering with fake vom, you can always just bash him over the head with it. Either way works!

I keep thinking about you name and hoping things will improve rapidly for you as soon as rotty sol gets the paperwork sorted for you, but I agree with other posters that a refuge might be the safest place for you. I don't want you and your children to suffer through yet another weekend while you wait for more elusive pieces of paper to float by.

Nearly time to think of a new title for thread number four

Thank you everyone - you are all lovely!! great thinking Zazzles, pond

Thanks doc, I know, there's always a refuge and if I didn't have rottie and had to wait and see what she has to say on tues then I would be off. I really would - it has reached unbearable really, not that h is aware and the kids aren't either - I'm a better actress than I thought but yes, inside my soul has been dying a little. Next week really is the week. It really is. It's crunch time, so I have to hang on one final weekend!

Unfortunately though he's now not away on Sunday and Monday. That's been put back a week apparently.

It's ok I will get through it - I'm ill at the moment(!) and so won't want to do much. Maybe I'll just stay in and he can take the kids out

Morning name. How you doing today? X

You are actually unwell, most likely because of the enormous strain this is putting on your system. Staying quiet to recuperate sounds like a good idea - some space to organise your thoughts and treat yourself kindly. Do you have a good friend that you could meet for a coffee and an honest thought-dump?

Hi beyond and Garlic

I've had a busy day getting all my timeline diary documents together for Rottie - there's loads so I've just been and dropped them in with her now as was terrified of H finding them. So that's done now thankfully.

H's comments from the FP book - I am 'the liar', why are these books all about women being victims - what about men and what they're going through?

Anyway I think I'll probably have more to write down for Rottie after this weekend. I'm ok though anyway

Congrats on getting your timelines done, Name! It's exhausting in itself, isn't it - ripping away the remnants of denial, putting it all in writing.

He said "I am 'the liar'"? You're getting there, twunt!

Of course he also said "What about the menz (what about meeee)?" It's de rigeur

He has to feel good about himself. He has to be the star. There is no room for anyone else in his head.

thename do you mean he's admitting to being a liar or is he saying that YOU are the liar in this relationship? Because I find it hard to believe that he'd admit to being anything less than perfect so I assume he's putting you in the wrong again. Because we all know it's all your fault. Everything. Because he says so, and he's perfect so he must be right.

I can't wait for you to be rid of him! KOKO!

It's an archetype from the Freedom Programme. www.womensaid.org.uk/messages.asp?topicid=9753&section=00010001000800210001

Changing the subject, but you are going to need a new thread soon Name.

He said that about himself or about you?

TBH, I know that there are abused men, DH's BFF is married to one of the most vicious EAers I've even known. EVER! She's so bad that DH has had to cut off the friendship because every time they would get together she treated his friend horribly afterwards. He puts up with it when he is financially able to leave so……….

Very wise to drop the diary off with rottie. I think you should take the whole tampax box to her office, plonk it down on the reception desk and say "Here. Can you keep this safe for me? I don't want my husband to find it!"

It is my understanding that he has decided the FP book is a load of cobblers and that he is accusing Name of being the abuser, the Liar.

As an example of how the mind of a man like this works, exH used to call the day I called the police on him 'The Day You Wanted to Have Me Arrested'. I call it 'the day you hit me in the face, put your hand around my neck and shoved me backwards against the kitchen counter'. In his mind, this was all planned by me so that I could achieve my aim of having him arrested. So I was to blame.

Sorry it's Me who's the liar, definitely not him!!

Aha, so YOU were The Liar, math! You nasty, manipulative abuser, you, beating yourself up in the kitchen so you could get him arrested ...

xposted

what about men and what they're going through?

Wow - what about the menz indeed. Will no-one will think of the abusers?!

LOLing about the fact you are "the liar" - his contrition didn't last long did it?

I was just looking through the list on that link and wondering just how many of those descriptions you would apply to him!

Delusional thinking, total inability to take responsibility, the man has MH issues, which are so not your problem any more. Still cheering you on from the sidelines name

Oh name, he's such a cockdonkey.

KOKO!

Sorry couldn't get online there for a bit.

Anyway, yes it's me who's the liar, although I just looked it up and it is so him obviously. It's all him the fucking twat.

He didn't threaten jumping under a train yesterday either, which he so did.

Mathanxiety - :( but, yes, thank you that is exactly H too the night he almost killed the both of us in a terrifying car journey home from the pub, screaming all sorts of vile abuse and threats at me and me running in the house terrified and locking myself in the toilet - was the 'unsuitable jacket I had dressed DD1 in' argument

Thanks everyone - more madness to ensue this weekend I am 100% sure of that - but I will play it very submissive and 'understanding' so as not to send him completely off the boil right at the last hurdle!

Haha thanks Rumble and Yonic

Name he is not just an abusive twat. He sounds like the High Priest of abusive twats.

KOKO you brave inspirational woman

Oh Darkest, I know I shouldn't laugh, but that was funny

But don't worry, I'm being really careful x

Name, I've been accused of being an a user more times than I like to think. Several times I've googled "am I an abusive spouse?".

Behaviours described were certainly familiar, but is wasn't the one doing them.

Good luck for the weekend x