It was never 'work stress', it's emotional abuse and you're going to get divorced because of it H! (part3)

[thenamehaschanged]

New thread!

As always I'm hopeless and can't link properly to my old thread Work stress? Err I don't think so mate'

Thank you everyone for finishing off the last thread- glad to be starting afresh actually! I did have a little chuckle about Greg the plumber (Phwoar!!) thanks H for the suggestion - us at Mumsnet ran with it and he sounds like my dream man haha!

Anyway - I'm upstairs as usual avoiding going down and seeing old King of the Castle in his throne. He came up half an hour ago in the hope of 'some action' but was told to bugger off - he's manageable at the moment because all of a sudden it's him who's 'scared to rock the boat' and keeps telling me how grateful if he is to have been allowed back - yack! (You didn't give me a lot of choice H though did you? You played every emotional card in your pack and then literally forced your way in!)

Anyway - I'm feeling strong, seeing the police tomorrow - and action plan will be in place!

Love to you all

Thanks Darkest haha!!

Hoobloodyray for a fab solicitor at last! waving pom-poms madly am so pleased for you, fingers crossed, all will be sorted soon, then it's a big party at yours yes?!

I'm on a plane about to go overseas and had to see how you were before I left!

So thrilled for you. Really name, fab news. When does this mean nonmol should be I place?

Take care x

Solicitor 1 should be dealt with by rotty. Nothing like a complaint from another practice to get a solicitor/s on their toes.

Hope you haven't had to throw up again but if you did please do it all over twatchops.

KOKO you're are so nearly there.

Wishing you a good day today, KOKO x

Really glad you've got rid of the useless solicitor. Hope you've had a good day.

Hope your day has been ok Name.

Hope you're okay Name.

Thank you Random, balls and Cheminotte I'm fine.

Thanks Darkest, hope you're ok too lovely

H is abroad having been at a meeting but unfortunately not long haul so will be back at some point later. I've been going through Rightmove and dreaming - even planning potential home to school to work journeys on National Rail haha!

I need to sort myself out a job now I think, not while I'm going for a non mol under legal aid obviously, but pretty soon after if I want to be considered for a mortgage while using the equity from the house as deposit.

He phoned me from the airport a couple of hours ago as his plane has been delayed - he was all loving and sweet even though came in at midnight from work last night, with a 4am taxi coming for his flight and decided to go briefly mental about where his passport was - thank the Lord God he found it fairly easily otherwise it wouldn't have been a pretty picture.

Anyway - feeling positive and detached and sure of my path no matter what he says or how sweet he acts on the phone!

Thanks for checking on me guys

After all his cleaning he didn't know where his passport was?? Knob.

Glad you are getting a few hours peace and quiet. Definately be fast asleep when he comes home. Keeping all your documents safe and close by and your under your pillow. KOKO.

I am quickly unlurking.

I went through a mess of EA and DV with an ex even leaving the country wasn't enough.

I hope you will be OK and your girls . you are a very strong woman who deserves better. I wish you the new plumber or in the future someone good
best wishes for Thursday xx

So, twatchops is abroad now? To channel Mr Burns, Ehx-cellent...

throw up a heartfelt prayer to the weather/volcano gods for some timely ash issues

Name, I've been wondering about his so-say general ineptitude. It just doesn't sit well with me somehow and my unease about it is growing. I'm sure you've heard on the FP about abusers who are purposefully inept at eg housework in order to load up their victim with chores/work.

I used to say that my dazzlingly intellectual ex was hopeless at housework - the only time in our entire marriage he put on the washing machine was when he washed my bridal lingerie at 90C. I just accepted he was crap at things like that. It took me years to recognise he did it on purpose so he wouldn't have to do any work. This included getting me in a complete tizz because he couldn't find things.

I can't see how twatchops can be so good at clearing out the entire house - all that cleaning/clearing could anyway be a tactic to destabilise you - and then not be able to find his passport.

Tomorrow's the day, name! It's been a long road eh . Wishing you every possible blessing

Good luck. I have everythin crossed that today gives everything the final push that is needed.

KOKO.

Thinking of you today, Name. Agree with Springy re the unfortunate inability to do basic stuff in order to avoid doing it and to generate excuses to throw a paddy.

He's a tosser. KOKO

Anytime away from him is a good time, Name. Soon enough, you will be away from him 24/7. How wonderful would that be?

KOKO, and keep dodging his crazy crap .

KOKO, I too agree that he's not inept he just wants to dump all the menial work on you AND have another stick to beat you with.

He rearranges the house and then you get the blame when things can't be found...

Wishinig you a good day

Thinking of you. Hope it's a good day x

Thanks everyone

Have just had the most mental of mornings with him - he's only just left.

It's too long to go into but basically he has an ongoing legal issue from when he was self employed - it's all of his own doing and it has dominated my life for the last 6 years - it will never go away, he is utterly self absorbed over it. It's all about reputation and how he looks. He panicked that I had mentioned it to solicitor 1 but I didn't dare put it in the papers even though that alone is enough to end a marriage - when someone continually dumps their self created problems on you, brings it up all the time, it's always there either right in my face or in the background.

He's away with work Sunday and Monday thankfully.

He is mad. Absolutely stark raving mad and I will be going mad too if I stay too much longer. I think I will bring it up with Rotty but not actually disclose identifying details.

No one knows about any of this. Just me. His mum knows a bit but thought it was done and dusted years ago.

Nothing's happening today really - I'm waiting for the PO to call me in to sign my statement and I'm seeing Rotty on Tuesday.

He's just called there actually in the middle of me typing this. Second call since him leaving for work. First call was apologising for the crazy making but there are forces out there that mean he has special bad luck and prevent him from getting this wrapped up (that's been a running theme actually) and that second call just there was that we should have talked about all of this last night but instead I was watching a programme about cancer which was not what he would want to watch ever, he would have preferred the football so he just went to bed - he's finished the freedom programme book and wants to talk about how so not one of these men he is - he has taken 'on board' a couple of things but the majority of it doesn't relate.

Honestly, I feel done in today but so so so relieved now that I have met Rotty and this utter fucking fruitcake will be history soon.

OMG, he does sound bonkers. Yes, tell everything to rotty sol. He seems to be the sort of person who will make things difficult for you if he possibly can, and that will include using the children, so you need everything in your armoury just in case. Don't hold back, because he won't.

You can decide later whether you want to actually use information later, but right now get it all out there.

Why wouldn't you just tell Rotty the whole lot? Why should you protect him from whatever this issue is?

Weren't you planning to serve papers on him today, based on the contract having been signed yesterday (not that Rotty regards that as a necessity).

Tell her everything. Including this secret thing. In fact, go back through the threads and write everything down, just in case there is some tiny little thing that could be important if you dont tell her everything. Have his new list of unreasonable behaviour (im assuming she re-serves the petition?) read like a fucking essay. Ha. Twat.

Right That's what I'm going to do. Thanks

His work contract will Never get signed in time. He was abroad yesterday and is too busy now. It's ok I have accepted it now.

Rotty needs my file from solicitor 1 first and needs to familiarise herself with my case before proceeding to decree nisi next week - he's not going to be getting served the divorce papers again but should hopefully be getting served a non mol and occ order.

And in the meantime I am writing her a full diary taken from my threads.

You know, he's right, the majority of the freedom programme book doesn't relate to him. That book describes your regular Joe abuser - they broke the mould when they made H.

Amazing that you could be even remotely sane with all this. Something you said up thread struck me. You said you were "sure of my path". Hold onto that if you can.

Dont forget to add him holding you over a barrel with this bloody contract on there! :)
As i said upthread, holding the possible worry over you that he can be sacked any time is financial abuse. Especially when he's telling you it will be signed in x amount of time, to ensure (after knowing you dont want to be with him as you have served your petition to him) you dont leave.