am i being mugged off?????

[jude3184]

ok so im gonna start right at the beginning.....i was in a relationship for 7 years with a man who made me feel like crap. He said he liked me the way I was (absolutely massive) he had me totally emotionally dependent on him then he upped and left me and my two girls.

I soon wised up and dropped 4 stone and met someone who I thought was amazing...until 6 months down the line he smashed my house into pieces then started on me...so thats the end of that story too. I finished it instantly and spent the next 3 years focused on me myself and my beautiful daughters.

This is where im either going to sound like a completely ungrateful little brat or im gonna get told that im right to be concerned....

I have met a wonderful man and he has a 2 year old daughter. We have been together little over a year now. he has recently moved from wales to be with me and as it stood when he moved up, he saw his daughter every other weekend when she stayed with us plus he saw her every other day after work at his mothers for 3 hours. last week I had a phone call to TELL me that she would now be staying every other night at our over night PLUS the weekends that she usually stays. This wouldnt be a problem but since im in a tiny two bed flat and i already have my daughters who live with me, his daughter is now in with us every other night all night and she still doesnt sleep through the night and to top that off his dog who he insists is more like his daughter than his pet insists on sleeping int he bedroom also. I feel ive been kind of lulled into a false sense of what will happen only for him to slowly move his daughter in too!! He pays me £50 a week because he says he cant afford any more.....not only that, recently he had a week off work through being ill that he got behind on his child maintainance payments and tried to insist I look out a loan because his credit wasnt good enough so that he could pay it to his ex for his daughter and so that he could buy his daughter birthday presents. I point blank refused and he got very annoyed but I said it wasnt happening so he dropped it.

Now I feel I have lost respect for him a little. Is it too much to ask for a man that looks after ME for a change instead of me footing the bill for everything?? Perfect example of this : we went to drayton manor recently, I PAID FOR THE TICKETS.....he gave me a small amount of fuel money that would have covered getting half way there and I had to sort the rest...we then got in to the park and I said I fancied an icecream, he said he couldnt afford one so i felt bad, paid for one for him AND his dinner...he then stopped at the shop before we went home so that he could buy his daughter a souvenir. to say i was raging is an understatement...

ANNNNNNNYWAYYYYYYYY.....I called him on his lunch today and told him that he needs to come home so that we can discuss everything. Do I need to man up and stop being a mug?? Or an I over reacting a little, because we are great together and he makes me laugh most days lol xxx

You are not over-reacting. At all.

Yes, you need to man up and stop being a mug.

HTH

Good luck. You sound smart and strong.

Totally refuse point blank to fund anything, including his daughter staying at yours and his cut price rent. See how long he sticks around. Cock-lodger.

So has he moved in with you but he only pays £50 per week? Does that cover half the bills and rent/mortgage?

I think you need to discuss financial arrangements and equal contributions to things.

And don't go for days out without talking about who will pay for it first. If he can't afford an ice cream you don't have to buy him one. People don't need ice cream.

How did he afford to live before he moved in with you?

I think you need to end the relationship altogether.

I'm wondering why, when his daughter appeared for the more-frequent stays, you didn't speak up then and say a) he hadn't asked and b) you didn't want it. Ditto the dog.

You can listen to or watch comedy to make you laugh.
You don't need a leech like this to make you.

Yes, you are a mug, sorry. Time to tell him to fuck right off.

Where was he living before her met you and why is he only paying £50, does he work?

with great difficulty which makes me think moving in was more of a strategical step rather than him wanting to be with me :(

MAN UP.
He's taking the p*.

There is a name for this type of man - Cocklodger.

I'm 5 months free from one and it is the best feeling ever. Run for the hills!

i did speak up, he basically said that him and his daughter come as a package so deal with it or were over! It made me feel guilty when he worded it like that because my girls are around always and he wants to have his daughter more...

I must get on urban dictionary and discover what a cocklodger is ladies lol. I have spoken to my sister and aunty about this who all agree as ive said, that hes a great guy he just doesnt realise hes doing it I dont think....not only that the second I end it he has nowhere to go. I know that shouldnt influence my decision but I feel awful. Time to put me first I think and stop caring!

Great that he wants his daughter more but he needs to pay for somewhere for her to live and her expenses when she's with him.

He sounds like a cocklodger, get rid

Run away v fast

why do so many women confuse 'being a great guy' ( who can make you laugh now and then) with a man who is genuinely caring, honest, reliable, financially solvent, generous, responsible, mature etc etc?

Yeah, he's a cocklodger. He is using your relationship and your kindness to take advantage, basically getting nearly free room and board, and a built-in co-parent to deal with his daughter who isn't sleeping through.

Lay it all down. If you want this to continue and be full partners, he needs to pay half rent, expenses, and be responsible for his daughter as you are for your dcs. Or he can move out, separate finances completely, and continue the relationship that way, or end things altogether. Decide which you want, and let him know.

You're not responsible for his financial or living situation.

he basically said that him and his daughter come as a package so deal with it or were over!

Call his bluff, tell him it's over. It's good that he wants to do what he can for his daughter but the fact is it's not him doing it, it's him trying to make you do it and that's not responsible.

Ask him to move out and take things slower. If it's still a problem, call it a day.

well there is no point him paying half the rent because 3 DCs and a dog in 2 -bed flat doesn't 'go' does it?

They would need to find a bigger flat.

I really don't get this?

You said he works yet he can only afford to give you £200p/m and seemingly never has any other money for expenses. Even if hes full time on minimum wage thats at least £950-1000pm.

Do you work?

Absolute cocklodger, do you really need us to tell you what you already know?

He stealthily moved in his dog, next will be his DD. He pays you £50 pw and has deep pockets. How much does it cost for a dog to be in kennels for a week, £10-15 a day? No wonder he's laughing.

If he comes home tonight with a bunch of limp flowers to placate you tell him it won't work

I'm going to echo what posters have already said. No loan, no Bank of jude3184 bailing him out.

Listen, if his daughter stays with you every other night and alternate weekends, he shouldn't be paying any child-support at all. He's having her half the bloody week.

Fifty quid a week is a piss-take! Him, you, the child and his fucking dog in your bedroom half the week is a piss-take too! Unless he's only earning a hundred quid a week, he should have plenty of money saved up.

Yep, he's a cocklodger all right. He and his daughter come as a package, and that's one package that should be living elsewhere

Congratulations, OP. You sound like you have your head screwed on.

he works full time, i work full time, he pays 200 a month for his daughter and his phone bill and for his car and his fuel to get to and from work, i never see any other money, he even only just bought me a bday present (which was in jan) and that was only because he felt bad because id bought him a bday gift. if he cant afford something in his opinion because we live together whatever money I have left over we should split because he would for me. hes never even so much as bought me a bunch of flowers....the one time he did think about doing it he said he was going to buy me flowers but couldnt afford it! i wish he hadnt even said anything! super annoyed and have super large butterflies because im expecting him home any minute and I know this isnt going away! it needs sorting! i have fell into the trap of putting up with it so he expects it now so to just say that it isnt working wont be enough without having to go into extreme detail and I dont want to upset anyone

what- £200 in total for child support, petrol, phone and rent to you?
That's a joke.
My DCs rent houses shared with 4 people and pay between £500-£700 a month for rent alone.

you are being ripped off.

Something about this doesnt add up. What's his job, a frigging paper round? Why is he paying child maintenance when he has his kid half the week? That doesnt make legal sense. Why is he always skint? Maybe he has huge loans somewhere or is a drugs man on the side. Regardless, he sounds like a complete and utter loser. Get rid.