Admitted to DP I am 30k in debt.....feeling desperate.

[Theboulderhascaughtupwithme]

So, for the last 9 years, my outgoings have exceeded my Incomings.

I am not good with figures/numbers either and despite trying to budget, do spreadsheets etc I have gotten deeper and deeper in debt.

Until two months ago believe it or not I had a gold plated credit rating, never missed payments etc, but now things are starting to bounce and default and I man so very scared.

I am Ina. Professional job, work part time and earn about 20k a year. DP is a company director and last year earnt over 150k, although most of the 100k was a dividend so heavily taxed and he put it all toward buying our house so it's not as if he has absolutely loads in his account.

I have been sobbing my heart out today as for the first time I cannot see a way out. I sent DP an email asking for help ( not necessarily financial, but help maybe re-financing in away I could manage or even just going through the figures, a hand to hold. I knew he would be angry but he has gone ballistic and has text my mum fgs to shame me I know.

The thing is, I have tried to go back to work full time but due to DP letting an incident happen with the DC I now feel unable to leave them ( I got a lucrative out of hours contract which would have averted all this).

I have tried at various points to ask for help but he has determinedly stuck his head in the sand.

Not looking for people to express their disgust with me, all the debt has been on basic living expenses, food, petrol, childcare, the usual.

b am not looking for absolution but could really do with some virtual handholding as I feel like I may be having a breakdown.

Could write more but cannot get me words out at the moment.

OP hope you're okay. As so many others have said, please get help

Oh yes of course it is pinkfrocks - I just meant greengrow's experience of equitable sharing of money within her marriage is not invalid because she's divorced.

This is just a thought ...he seems money driven and might accept that it a waste of money paying high interest on the debt.

£30,000 at 1% ( basic savings interest these days ) would bring in £300 a year.
If he has £15.000 in a current account probably earning nothing then he might accept a plan from you in which he pays the £30,000 and you pay him the " interest" of £26 a month.
No capital repayment while you think about your future.

This is not addressing the main problem of your financial abuse situation but might buy you some time.

I honestly do't think the OP should entertain any financial arrangement that involves the DP.
Her aim should be to detach herself emotionally and financially.

Many debts can be paid back very slowly or even temporarily frozen once the lenders are made aware of the situation - through a solicitor for example- so this is the way forward. The worst thing is to ignore them without communicating properly and trying to arrange some form of mutually acceptable repayment.

OP I hope you have or will call Women's Aid today. You have had a lot of help on the forum so please take notice of what people are suggesting.

OP if you are concerned about your professional practice if you enter into an agreement with your creditors it might be worth making a call to your regulator on a no names basis to see what their view is. Don't make assumptions.

Any updates?

Hi, OP - have now finished reading everything (took some doing!)
This is definitely abuse.
No advice to add to above re that . However- at this level of earning, likelihood is he is a member of a professional body. Is he? Because a MH diagnosis and refusal to comply with treatment is something that most professional bodies would take a very grim view of. Particularly if he's in a medical profession. And particularly if coupled with DV.

He could be a plumber or a double glazing salesman or even Del Boy.
Don't see how 'shopping' anyone to a professional association even if he had one would do anything at all.

This is pretty shocking. I got into debt but it was totally my own foolish spending before I met DP. He helped me sort it out. But for him to earn that much and you to be scrabbling about for money and so stressed is dreadful.

I keep looking on here to see if we've heard anything from the OP. :/

Me too.

I suspect that if the OP has been unable or unwilling to do what most people have advised, she feels unable to come back to her thread.

There seem to be a lot of these threads at the moment...........

TBF on the OP she's not seeing a solicitor until tomorrow, so probably doesn't have much to update.

A conversation with Women's Aid perhaps?

Hi All

Just wanted to say I haven't forgotten to update. Just haven't got much to update as yet!! I did pay heed to the advice to contact women's aid but each time I have rung I one answers!! I appreciate they are probably over run with people being their help and will keep trying.

Got solicitors tomorrow. To be honest I am more concerned about how contact arrangements would work rather than the money side.

Will update when I have news.

Well done OP it'd be so tempting to bury your head in the sand and hope that this situation doesn't worsen. You're doing the right thing.

I would imagine that with the history, you wont need to worry about unsupervised contact.
good luck with the solicitors

I've seen on other threads that you can email WA, telling them when is a good time for them to phone back and they will.

You are so beautifully non-materialistic OP, that is how you were so easy to take advantage of, but it is a wonderful quality to have