Potential new OM on the horizon after years in a sexless marriage. (Darkesteyes)

[Darkesteyes]

Im starting a new thread because ive hijacked the Secrets thread far too much . I went on a date on Monday night with a man who asked me out last week.

Details start from the bottom of page 24 of the Secrets thread.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2148966-Secrets-we-want-to-tell-but-cant?pg=24

Oh wait the modern liberal take on this is:

1. we are all individuals now, selfish atomised individuals
2. personal responsibility or die
3. married someone who changed or got sick...dump and divorce
4. benefits and welfare is "unnatural" and goes against the right wing idea that the weakest are just made that way
5. survival of the fittest, so dump the spouse, sell your labour for a pittance, just don't use my taxes

If you study any of humanities subjects in the institution I'm at, you will learn every argument possible to throw at this crap-a-doodle

Just wind in the value judgements and look past your own ideologically shaped views, they are not your own views, they are simply spiel you have been fed Chaseface and you are wrong.

Darkesteyes , it's a fascinating period of history because so many things converge at the same time. What the late 60's seemed to promise, was never delivered, unless you count pornography and segmented markets as liberating workers and women.

Mini the minx - the man hadn't shown her love or affection or sex for most of their very long marriage. It's not about dumping. The husband will get support elsewhere and the op will get a life for herself.

Op said that she was tied to him financially which is why chase is quite rightly pointing out that a social history degree is not the best qualification for economic independence.

Thought I'd drop by and see how you're doing Darkest! Still fending them off I see

I'm not as intelligent as these other posters so won't wade in out of my depth - just want to say congratulations on starting a bun fight and I hope you get a good shag soon!

Mini I heard Germaine Greer say on Kirsty Warks mysogny documentary that it wasnt women who were actually liberated. It was porn.

And things and attitudes havent changed that much. When the Pill was first available in the 60s it was only available initially to married women and there was an argument that it would make women "promiscuous"

A short while ago there was a debate about whether the MAP should be free and the same old argument about it "making women more promiscuous" was trotted out In 2014. Not as much has changed as society likes to think.

Thanks Name I think you are one of the bravest women ive seen on here.

Wandering over here to give you support, strength and courage Darkest. Hopefully, will be able to contribute something more meaningful later in the day.

Zazzles I like your user name Same as one of the cats Sheldon had in an ep of The Big Bang Theory.

Pink, there is a way to offer alternative paths to a poster that you feel needs help

That wasn't it

If one "invests" £9,000 a year into their own education, why should they do this just to benefit their future employer. Education is an worthy aim in it's own right, not a commodity to be invested in and the benefits sold to someone who exploits this in exchange for wages. There is nothing wrong in studying a non-vocational subject.

The OP has stated that she has no desire to leave her DH at this present time. I have no doubt though that in time, with an education to a higher level and the freedom found along the way that it may empower her to make the changes she then perceives necessary.

You too Darkest

Wise words Mini. It is all too easy to offer solutions when you're not invested emotionally in a situation, as any thread on abusive relationships will testify.

Darkest, I'm confident you'll find a solution that works for you, in the short, medium and longer term. In the meantime, there's always MN for support (and the ocassional debate to sharpen your skills!).

Take care.

Same as one of the cats Sheldon had in an ep of The Big Bang Theory

That's exactly where its from Darkest . Have been a big TBBT fan, but not watched it of much lately. Too busy on MN.

How support for women is now spiralling backwards

I agree with this. I have a huge interest in business and so read a lot of business articles and stuff. One said that for the first time since the 1970's the rise in women's salaries vs the rise in men's salaries was going backwards. So if men's salaries are still rising with inflations etc, women's salaries are actually decreasing in comparison.

Scary stuff.

Have you looked into what kind of social care your husband could receive if you were to leave him? Investigated benefits you would be entitled to as a single person? Free courses you might be able to do to get back into the workplace?

Of course she has.perhaps she just chose not to disclose it to a goady belligerent fucker

Who very worryingly works for the NHS!

I certainly hope not in the sphere of mental health!

Thanks KeepIt Zazz and Sock

YY sock we have had several assessments done And DH is in a similar trap to those between JSA and ESA . We have tried twice to get a ramp installed and been refused. I have had 2 carers assessments done. They have a duty to do an assessment but no duty to carry out any needs deemed necessary by the assessment.

All this "free help" that certain people keep on about is being cut to the bone. And a lot of the help that people think disabled people get are fairy tales written in the Daily Mail usually by a hack with a pony tail!

I've got a thing about men with pony tails but would stay well away from a fail hack

I don't think I've posted in about four years - even had to make a new user name - but felt compelled to respond.

You've done so well, darkest. Keep strong. And I was wanting to say that doing a course like you've proposed would also be a way to meet some like-minded souls, achieving another of your mini-goals to widen your social circle.

Go gal!