Potential new OM on the horizon after years in a sexless marriage. (Darkesteyes)

[Darkesteyes]

Im starting a new thread because ive hijacked the Secrets thread far too much . I went on a date on Monday night with a man who asked me out last week.

Details start from the bottom of page 24 of the Secrets thread.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2148966-Secrets-we-want-to-tell-but-cant?pg=24

Thank fuck i went to family planning. The surgery would have put me back on the Depo. Which lasts for three months and once injected cant be undone and takes ages to wear off. Whereas i can just stop taking the POP if i so choose.

She was concerned about my irregular periods which are sometimes 4 sometimes 3 sometimes 2 weeks apart. short ones for 3 days and two weeks ago a really long one for 8 days. She wants me to get it checked out Ive also booked my smear at the clinic because the surgery didnt seem to happy about me having to mess them about because my periods are so irregular. Hopefully the POP will help with this. Ive worked so fucking hard to lose this weight and the Depo could really have screwed that up. So at least i managed to swerve that.

Probably married, or living in squalor.
Wishing you a better year.

Thanks Lweji its not all bad though. at least the smear will get done and other stuff will get investigated.

He's not worth it, Darkest.

The thing is, you KNOW that. You do know that. I understand loneliness, believe me. But this one won't even wear a condom for 10 minutes or drive 3 mins out of his way for you. You are better than that and deserve so much more.

You are absolutely right Gilbert EX OM was similar he used to want to do stuff in the car till i put my foot down and said we should go to his flat. He was single but it turned out that he had been living in his flat for 7 years but there was no carpets only a bed and a sofa and a hifi. not even a table. Because he was trying to hide the fact that he was in deep debt and wanted a woman to sort it all out for him. I remember helping him to get carpets sorted out and a wardrobe etc.

So i think there is probably similar going on with this bloke. No bunk ups in cars for me and condoms are non negotiable. Ive met another one similar to my ex. I said upthread they both even have the same walk. I think they have a lot more in common than i first thought. Thanks for your support in this Mners

Received this text at 4 mins to 8 this morning.
" I understand what you are saying and i do want you to come round when i am ready So do you not want to see me then tonight?"

i havent replied but no i dont. I dont want to conduct an affair in a car parked behind Argos by the bins!!!! How very seductive Ugh i feel sick. Ive gone from being sexually attracted to him to completely turned off. he obviously thinks that because my marriage is sexless that i will be desperate. Hah NO! What is it with men and bunk ups in cars. Cheap bastard. And as hes waited till this morning to text after i asked him to pick me up a bit nearer hes obviously hedging his bets. Dickhead of the highest order.

Sent him this.

"i really think you have misjudged what im about Just because my marriage is sexless does not mean im willing to conduct an affair in this way and the fact that you expect me to is a complete turn off. I stupidly assumed we would be going back to yours hence my sexy texts. This is not for me. I dont want to see you anymore"

I expected better from a 59 year old man

Glad to hear that your self-esteem has kicked in & you have ended things. I think men can sense a vulnerable woman from 10K away...

Thanks cheese Ive blacklisted him on my phone but his texts are still coming in.

"i think that you have not looked at my last text I said that i wanted you to come to my house but i need time to sort a few things out. I am hurt that you dont want to see me anymore."

Ive blacklisted him but im useless with smartphones. If i delete his no will the blacklist function work. Its not working now.

There's an app called MrNumber, it's really easy to use to block calls and texts.

You're right to expect better, this guy is such an unbelievable sleaze.

More texts from him. "You are lovely and i fancy you to bits" i dont expect you to do anything at the back of argos I would like to see you at my house when i have sorted things out Is that ok with you?"

Him " Can i phone you now"
Me "No Please leave me alone"

His last one was at quarter to 5pm. "Cant you understand that i want to see you but i just need some time to sort things out"

Nothing since then and im hoping it stays that way. My phone is a T Mobile Energy but not long after i got it it changed to EE network. Im shit with technology and apps are beyond me. I may take it into our local EE shop and ask them if they can help.

Thankyou though Gilbert

Im so struck by how this bloke is similar to EX OM In both cases they asked me out but i wonder if the situation i am in has made me overlook the fact that these men are potentially abusive. (ex OM was very shouty and a complete arsehole towards the end) This guy cant seem to get to grips with the fact that because he EXPECTED a bunk up in a car in the first place (even though hes backtracking now) has shown me who he is.

"When someone tells you who they are believe them"

At some point it might be worth mentioning the word harassment and eventually the police.

He sounds too persistent.

Hi OP - if you're on an iPhone go to Settings-Phone-Blocked and add his number there, that should work x

You're a wise person Darkest, you just need to keep listening to yourself.

Thankyou I dont think its too much to expect condom use, a double bed and somewhere i can actually go to the loo if i need to

No texts so far today. Im hoping that means that either hes given up or the blacklist function is working or hopefully both.

On a happier note my weight and health now means that i no longer get acid reflux so am able to stop the heartburn medication (Ranitidine) that i was taking every day These were 150mg double strength because the burning in my throat was so bad.

Now i dont get it at all

Jeez what a mess

You're only 41. From what I'm reading here, it's clear your marriage isn't going to last so why not get out now, rather than in years to come?

Ive lost nearly 3 stone I should be over the moon. Ive tried over the last few years to lose the weight i put back on after losing the initial ten stone but i always ran away from it in case something like ex OM happened again. This time i kept going. And kept going. In the old days a setback like this would drive me back to comfort eating. But i dont do that anymore. So i guess ive beaten that.

Its times like this that i wish i still smoked. I dont want anyone to feel they have to reply. This thread is just somewhere that i can put my feelings down For some reason i dont feel too bad about things when i get up in the morning. I feel more depressed in the evenings/at night.

Funny thing about dieting, it really is all in the mind. I can never do it until my head is in the right place either.

YY Gilbert It really is.

And im willing to bet that if this guy is so cheap that he wont even drive 5 mins out of his way then its probably not a big stretch to assume that hes probably been financially abusive in his past relationships.

My ex OM was a bit like that. Used to shout at me for washing an apple under the tap for only seconds, screaming at me about the cost of his water meter. Who needs it!

Go girl! You know you deserve better.

THankyou I finally went for a bra fitting today. I now for the first time fit into a coloured bra. Its a dark pink. And there are matching knickers that go with it (but i couldnt afford to buy those as well) so i bought the pink bra and a flesh coloured one in the same size.
But just knowing i fit into a matching set was nice. Cant believe i now have a coloured bra. For the first time.
Would be so lovely if i had someone to wear them for. Still cant believe it My first bra that isnt black , flesh coloured or white.

I stupidly texted him on thursday wishing him well and telling him we wernt suited. Hes asked me for one of my old bras again. He just sees me as a pair of boobs doesnt he.

He goes to a lot of events due to a hobby he has that costs a lot of money. Yet couldnt go slightly a few mins out of his way to pick me up last weekend.

Hes just not right for me. he wants to meet up for a chat I dont see the point. He said his house is full of junk due to a vehicle that got sold. All the junk inside that vehicle is now in the house.

Its just too weird.

He's married or co-habiting Darkest - what utter shite - Wild horses wouldn't stop a guy from taking an attractive lady back to his for a good shag never mind a few bits of car or other junk.

You've really got to block his number permanently because any time you're feeling low or doubting yourself you'll text him and I fear at some point you will go and meet him, end up behind Argos, doing things you'll regret.
He's not worth it, not worth you.

Congrats btw on getting a pretty bra - I remember what that feels like.