Potential new OM on the horizon after years in a sexless marriage. (Darkesteyes)

[Darkesteyes]

Im starting a new thread because ive hijacked the Secrets thread far too much . I went on a date on Monday night with a man who asked me out last week.

Details start from the bottom of page 24 of the Secrets thread.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2148966-Secrets-we-want-to-tell-but-cant?pg=24

*really

Darkest! Jaw on the floor at the ex who had to have an abortion! Sista, you have soooo dodged a bullet there.

BTW, she was not in the same position as you. You've got us, the clearer-headed of Mumsnet. You've got self-respect and spine, even if some of that has to be temporarily grafted on.

I feel so badly for her, though. I hope she finds us.

No sign of this bloke today and no more texts today so far. EE said that the only way to block him is to get a new SIM. But theyve said they will give me one and i wont have to pay for it The problem is that im on pay as you go not contract.
Ive lost 3 stone but lost the first half stone on my own and today i got my 2 and a half stone award at SW.

Chase i have a link at the start of the thread which explains things a bit more clearly. LTB is thrown out a lot on MN Have you actually seen the loads of help childless single people get..........oh wait

4 out of 10 homeless women are homeless due to domestic abuse. Women and children are turned away from refuges because they dont have the places.

DH did agree to an open marriage some time ago but i should really bring it up again.

I very rarely confide in people in RL but recently i have a couple of times. I can just about count on one hand the ppl that were supportive and non mysogynistic "ive had ppl say to me to go to Relate (DH said in 2003 that he didnt want to.) "your husband will be distraught" This was from someone who hasnt even met my husband (he wouldnt be distraught hes not bothered) but also proves that the mans feelings take precedence. This person also knows about the 18 years of no affection etc but it never entered their mind that this might make me distraught. Because as someone who owns a pair of breasts and a vagina i must suck it up (pardon the pun)

DH stands a much better chance of getting rehoused than me as hes nearing 65.

In my case i would also have to consider re entering the sex industry.

Pedant thankyou. yes i have got MN and i am very grateful i have. You have been wonderful

In fact i was looking at my very early posts from 3 years ago under a different user name and just reading them shows how far ive come in that time. Im more confident and i question things a lot more.

Chaseface - I tried to bring it up but was deleted :/

Op - do you live in the uk? Do you work?

If this is real then you're only 41. If you work then start making plans to leave him. Of you don't then look at training and getting a job so you're in a stronger position to leave.

If you do stay in a loveless marriage which has always been loveless by your own account then there really is no point discussing this any further.

I don't get why you didn't leave your husband for your OM if the OM was so brilliant. None of this makes any sense. At all.

Crichian you got deleted because you asked if there were any bridges where i live So you are doing a bit of gaslighting there.

What you actually said in the post that was deleted was that you didnt believe the thread was genuine So you didnt bring it up at all You are now gaslighting.

And there is a link ive put in at the start of the thread. So if you really wanted answers to these questions you would read it.

DH agreed to an open marriage some time ago. But like i said i should really discuss it with him again.

I cannot train and get a job I am now his full time carer He has emphysema and ischemic heart disease.

He has had these conditions for 8 and a half years. The lack of affection was 10 years PRIOR to that.

I'm in my 30s, childless and single. What sort of "help" do you think I should be getting? What's the relevance of homelessness, refuges to your situation?

Are you suggesting single, childless women shouldn't support themselves? Is this where I've been going wrong? Because I don't have a hubby should I be in a hostel on benefits, instead of working?

Why as an early 40s, presumable able bodied woman, do you think you wouldn't be able to earn enough to live on, without your husband paying for it?

If religion is an excuse for not divorcing, does your religion permit annulments?

So you're going to devote your whole life to a man who doesn't love you? Let someone else look after him. He doesn't deserve for you to sacrifice anymore years to him.

Does he need 24 hour care? Sign up for a course - maybe nursing or something similar and look at doing something for you.

Do you have children? If not, did/do you want any?

If you left him, he'd need to be referred to social services for help. Y'know, like us poor damned single people would have to...

Ive never actually wanted children. So thats really a separate issue.

Are you suggesting single, childless women shouldn't support themselves?

Of course im bloody not Where is this from?

Pinkdress what job do you do What industry do you work in.

By asking how much help single, childless women get - what help do you think we need?

NHS - pretty good job too

Whats the revelance of homelessness?

They are not crying out to rehouse single people. If women with children are being made homeless...........work it out.

Whats your pay scale.

You brought up homelessness.

I take you're saying if you left your husband you'd be homeless. But why would that be the case? There are options, even if it mean moving into a bedsit/ shared house and living on benefits. Then you look into work.

Not quick, but doable.

Band 6

And I worked my way up from a band 2 in 6 years. It's what people do to get on - spend a few years on low pay, living in a house share, working on moving onwards and upwards.

You could do it to, but I suspect you'd rather not

Pink its taken me over a year to lose 3 stone Eating healthily (which is something the NHS is always telling us to do) is bloody expensive. I have already started doing things for myself. Starting with weight loss (i originally lost ten stone) and looking after my health.

What does that have to do with working ( plenty of overweight people manage to gain qualifications, have careers)

Oh wait! Are you saying you're too busy dieting to work?