Potential new OM on the horizon after years in a sexless marriage. (Darkesteyes)

[Darkesteyes]

Im starting a new thread because ive hijacked the Secrets thread far too much . I went on a date on Monday night with a man who asked me out last week.

Details start from the bottom of page 24 of the Secrets thread.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2148966-Secrets-we-want-to-tell-but-cant?pg=24

In an earlier post i meant that DH has dark hair like me Ive realised its read like im saying im 64 Im not im 41. For anyone that doesnt know or any new MNers.

Glad you're feeling better.

There ate many different types of relationships that work for the people involved.

I do hope you get some help and manage to increase your self esteem.
You are in a difficult position and you're trying to do the best for yourself and your OH.
I know a couple in the reverse position and he also has someone else. It hurts her, but the alternative would be much worse for her.
I wouldn't judge either.
Monogamy may be desirable (at least in our value system- there is at least one polyandrous system), but it's not the only answer, just as long as there is no deceit.

You will need someone who can keep your self esteem high rather than bring it down like the last creep.
You will find what you are looking for.

Darkest, you are sounding more positive today,

Oh, I have this thing for Ray Winstone, I am wired up weird too!! although I reject the idea that Russell Crow is less that gorgeous.

I agree with Lweji there are all kinds of relationships and I don't think finding a OM means you think less of your husband or even that it as to take anything away from the marriage. In your case, it can only add to and enhance your well-being provided that person respects and cares for you. I have had OM for some time and it's not all fumbling in car parks it's actually rather nice. My situation is different though. Have you tried OD? maybe that might represent a good way to find the person and situation that would suit you and your circumstances.

Thankyou so much. My head is a lot clearer now. Thankfully because of the way he wanted to play it he also only has my first name and my mobile number. So it wont be hard to stop it. I know it isnt right (now that ive got my head out of my arse) I was considering going back on Depo Provera at one point but i dont think hes worth it. I still would have insisted on the condoms (the depo would have been a back up to prevent pregnancy if a condom had split) but hormonal contraception may slow down my weight loss a bit so the man or situation HAS to be worth it, then i dont mind so much but he isnt worth it is he. Its something im chalking up to experience and now ......onwards thankyou everyone. You have been so lovely about this.

Glad things are clearer Darkest, hopefully someone worth it will be along soon. !

Thanks Keep

Shit he sent me a text saying that im supposed to text him first and that hes missing me.

That is not right after one date is it. On Monday night he did drop me off at the top of the housing estate but he doesnt know any more than that. Its a BIG estate.

Fuck im a bloody idiot!

You could send him a text saying it won't work out for you and to say goodbye.
If he pesters you after that, mention the police.

I'd ring your mobile provider and ask them to block the number..job done.

If by some mega million to one chance you see him again say you've lost your mobile and have a lot on right now and won't be able to see him.

Ive bit the bullet and done exactly as you said Lweji.

Fingers crossed. :)
Hopefully, he'll respect your choice.

Ha. Now hes texted me his surname .

He's texted you A Surname...

You know the red flags Darkest. You're an intelligent person. Don't do this to yourself, please.

its ok I know He reminded me of what its like to be touched which is the real problem.

Well you're human O.P. You have desires. If you're not getting it at at home of course you're going to look elsewhere.
I cheated back when I was 21 because my partner at the time would not come near me. I was starting to feel like an ogre.
The cheating sex was the best I've ever had. I broke up with my then d.p the next day
Did I regret it no. Who's going to regret multiple orgasms.
Did I feel guilty No. Why should I.If he'd have made me feel attractive then like I said before I wouldn't have seeked it elsewhere
Go on your date and have a good shag.
Let us know how it goes.

Ahem, Darkest is not strictly cheating and this man has several red flags.

I'd definitely leave it for now and not reply. See if he leaves you alone after a couple of attempts, tops, then it starts being harassment.

It's possible to block numbers on most mobiles. There are various apps. Might be useful if he becomes a nuisance.

RED BUNTING GALORE

No one is "supposed" to text anyone first. He just wants to make sure you are so desperate for him that you will take any shit.

Real relationships don't have game playing.

You need to work on so many things as you are clearly craving attention and it is bad attention if it comes from the wrong place which this man is.

If your husband is incapable of PIV sex isn't there something else he could use? FFS. Too early in the morning for this.

I wish you well, Darkest.

Itsfab DH hasnt so much as held my hand since 1996 Its been so long that that part of it has died.

Thankyou I blanched when i saw the phrase "supposed to" as well.

Yep he's not good enough for you Darkest, no way! X

My internet connection is shit #buckyourideasuptalktalk.

I did something stupid today and rang him while i was in town The surgery cancelled my initial appointment so i made another one. He wants to meet up at the end of next week.

Why the fuck am i pressing the self destruct button I want to be held so much And the first of this years wedding anniversary cards has arrived today Actual anniversary is next Friday. WHY AM I BEHAVING LIKE THIS FFS! I walked around town crying. I might try and bring up with DH that i cant cope with no touch anymore This has really brought it home.

Darkest...you could leave him you know. You think you can't, but you can. Someone else could look after him.
It's the 21st century.

Why sacrifice your entire life to someone who can't even be bothered to hold your hand?
Please, just give it some thought, don't dismiss the idea out of hand.

I agree with Gilbert.

I get the feeling that because you're a long standing poster people don't feel able to say to you that you could leave your dh because you've obviously been very adamant for a variety of reasons that you can't, but you really can. If you were a new poster with a different name the advice on this thread would be very different.

Sometimes it's useful to take a step back and look at yourself as if you were a stranger and ponder the advice you would give to yourself.

I found an option on my phone "Add to blacklist" so i added his number to it. Hopefully that means he wont be able to contact me. You are totally right. There are so many red flags waving its like Mardi Gras and carnival day all rolled into one. Whatever im looking for this is not it.

I wont be contacting him again.

Well im officially still a fucking idiot. i took him off blacklist earlier in the week and we started texting again. He wanted to meet up tommorrow night.
On Wednesday i went to the family planning clinic (who were great) and asked about contraception. They didnt recommend the Depo cos of my age and because ive been obese in the past. The lady was lovely. They gave me the POP which i started taking on Thursday and some condoms. I got a bit emotional while i was there.

We were texting for a lot of last night. Ive had a slight stomach upset today (i sometimes get IBS) so i worried about it effecting the POP.

Tonight i received some texts from him We discussed whether tommorrow night was still fine and said ok Then i asked him whether we are going back to his.

He said he would love to but needs some time to sort his house out and after that i am welcome to.

Then i asked him if it was ok for him to pick me up a bit closer so i dont have to walk so far in the dark? I asked him that over an hour ago and .....nothing.

Im so angry and upset with myself. Im sitting here trying not to cry. And to top it all off its my wedding anniversary today DH handed me a card which was nice but no hug Not that im bothered about that cos its been so long. Im just venting on here because i have to let it out. Did he really think i was going to conduct this whole thing in his bloody car. Well im staying on the POP Because if he finds me attractive others will too.