Husband's female friend

[mermaid101]

My husband and I have been together for about ten years, married for three and have two DC, one who is six weeks old.

When I met him, he was part of a big social group. This group has naturally drifted a bit as people settled down, but he still sees a lot of his friends.

When we met,and for many years after I had a very big issue with him and one of his female friends who is part of this group. I feel they behaved almost as if they were together. There are numerous examples I could list, but I want to try to keep this as brief as possible, but happy to elaborate if anyone wants. This has caused massive arguments between us over the years and has badly dented my confidence. Gradually, he and she drifted apart. My DH says he let the friendship go as it made me uncomfortable.

This person had a baby at the same time as me and my DH has said he wants us all to meet up to avoid any future awkwardness as he says that now we have children of the same age we will be seeing more of each other as people in his social circle tend to gravitate towards each other more when they have children of the same age.

I'm really upset by this. I feel undermined and humiliated by the way they used to behave together. I am also worried that they slip back into their old "relationship". He is mostly a SAHD and I will return to work full time afte my maternity leave. Whereas I don't think they are going to have an affair or anything, you never know do you? And I just can't bear the thought of them being the way they were in the past: having special nick names for each other, her phoning him for reassurance when she was upset about things, hugging play fighting etc.

I'm very sleep deprived just now and feel a bit fragile and over emotional but I feel very uneasy about this situation. I'm also very upset that this person may start to be around me more. I have made friends with some of the other mothers in the group and enjoy their company. What should I do? I ended up having a massive argument with my DH last night and it felt like we were fighting about stuff we used to years ago. I'm so tired just now I can't think straight. Could anyone give me some guidance ?

Hi op, sorry for this shit siuation, not a lot to add to the advice except just to echo what badbaldingballerina has said about dumping the friendship group. You have known them for a pretty long time, and if you are still sure that they would close ranks against you if you said anything negative about this woman, and if you are still 'the outsider', then what really is their value to you? In your shoes, if you see any of them individually, I would explain how you feel: they can't have been blind to what went on previously, and might just surprise you. If not, what have you lost? Now that your daughter has established friendships with their children, even if you don't continue to be close, surely she could still go on playdates with the children?

For me it is just about his response to your feelings as it is about how he behaved

He does twatty stuff, sees you are upset and apologises and never does it again or he makes it your problem and carries on doing it again and again and again.

First one - good, can move on.

Second one - shit, will be treated like it.