Hi Guys I know I am a pain but I am really upset.

[Karenthetoadslayer]

Toad must have broken into the house when we were away and took a large and valuable cutlery set that my parents gave me. Previously I had the set in storage, but I took everything out of storage at the beginning of the year and when we went on holiday, I put valuables in a "secret place" in the house.

I just wanted to put everything back and realised the set is missing. He was after that and tried to take it, when he got evicted (I had covered the empty boxes and saw that these had been messed with).

I have no evidence that he took it, of course.

I wondered why he had taken the silver polish - now I know!

Report it to the police? Def get onto your solicitor and if they are insured, that as well?

I would ask your solicitor for advice, I can't see why you can't report it as theft. Has he ever lived at the property?

Yes, it is the former family home and he got evicted. When he got evicted, he took a lot of things that belonged to me and also the children.

Absolutely call the police! He has been evicted, he doesn't live there any more, he's not allowed to contact you so he shouldn't have been in your home! Breach of order, surely? To say nothing of breaking and entering.

Go after him, Karen!

Agree with the other posters. This must breach court orders.

So sorry to hear that he continues to mess with you.

Let the police and your lawyer deal with him.

Yes, go after him.

I have no evidence. We have been back for a week now and he may have even taken it in July. I knew we were going away again and I just didn't bother to put anything back. DS asked about the candelabras and I remembered this morning that everything was still upstairs and wanted to put it back.

If you let this it is giving him an implied message that he can whatever the hell he likes and you wont stop him.

Report it to the police as stolen, and log it with your solicitor.

He is digging his own grave as it is, I suggest you give him a bigger spade.

Was it given to you specifically by your parents? AFAIK personal gifts are not included in marital assets so yes, it is stealing. And you dont need proof, thats what the police are there for, you report it they get the proof.

Lets face it, if he hasnt got it and has nothing to hide then he wont mind them searching for it will he? Report the other stuff as well while you are at it.

Oh and another thought, are there any second hand jewellers/antique places near you? Might be worth checking out if any of them have bought a set recently.

As I said, I have no evidence. Even hen he stole my bike, the police could not get it back, because it was part of the common household and I could not prove that he had taken it, after he got evicted.

It doesn't matter. Report it as stolen, you can tell the police you have a suspicion it was him but the burden of proving it is not on you!

What IS on you is reporting the theft.

No, he like that set. He would want to keep it, not sell it.

If he's done it before, I wonder if a cheap set of CCTV cameras would be an idea, (you can buy them on Amazon - they're not too expensive). You can wire them up to your laptop & keep an eye on your house when you're away. That way you can prove he's been in the house.

But this was a personal possession of yours that has value and that you know he wanted to take.

Why not report it? I dont understand why you wouldnt tbh.

The police advised that. We have four entrances to the house. And the last incident was mid June, so I got careless.

Right, I am going to have a strong cup of coffee, put the place back in order and call the cops - again.

And also, if he is not allowed to contact you or come into the house, the fact that he has needs reporting too. If only for your personal safety, because if he broke in once, he could do it again.

We have not reported the most recent breaches to get a move on with the settlement. He is of course denying everything. He is like an enormous toddler throwing all his toys out of the pram. I will report it, but I am going to get a lot of grief from his solicitor about "pointless accusations".

You really need to get that crime number.

Okay to get it clear, what would your response have been if:
You returned from holiday, a week (or even longer after) you discovered something of value was missing. If you had no idea who could have got in and taken it? If the only person who could have accessed your house was a cleaner/pet sitter?

The police also need to definitely have a flag on your address, and you need locks changed/an alarm and other security measures.

We have a flag on our address and they came really quickly last time he was banging on the door, but still it took the pm 15 minutes or so while I was screaming down the phone and he had left. The police reckoned I could not have properly identified him through the frosted glass door. That is true. You cannot identify anyone through that door, esp. Not in the dark.

But I need the incident number for my collection of incident numbers in any event.

Its only grief if you choose to view it that way. Or you could view it as more of his tantrums "Why are you always having a go at meeeeee?!!!!! You are so meeaaan!"

Its pathetic. I can see that the solicitor is trying to do some damage limitation but that fact is that if/when it goes to court the judge will be able to see the through the posturing to the fact that he is a nasty bully who doesnt like not getting his own way.

If you tell the police, and say that you have strong reason to believe that he took it, and give them the estimated value of the set, give a detailed description, and say that you can provide evidence that it belonged to you (your parents can hopefully confirm that it was a gift to you for a birthday or something). then ask if they can search his house.

The evidence will be the fact that there will be a cutlery set sitting in his house somewhere.

That's what the postman said Bogey . He is not used not to getting his way and now he is having the tantrum of all tantrums. Only thing is that he is relentless; where other toddlers get worn out Toad still keeps going.

It's a hell of a fight.

He lives in a hotel. It could be in his office, in his storage unit, at his mate's, the OW's, the OW's family who are all thugs, his own family who,are all thugs too etc.

But I am going to have to call the police, of course.

He may even admit it. He is good the opinion that it belongs "to the house" he said before that my stuff "belongs to the house"
(And for the avoidance of doubt I did not say on MN that this is actually true, this is his opinion that I am quoting in case his barrister digs out this thread. Toad has a very expensive barrister.

Sorry about typos everywhere.