Hi Guys I know I am a pain but I am really upset.

[Karenthetoadslayer]

Toad must have broken into the house when we were away and took a large and valuable cutlery set that my parents gave me. Previously I had the set in storage, but I took everything out of storage at the beginning of the year and when we went on holiday, I put valuables in a "secret place" in the house.

I just wanted to put everything back and realised the set is missing. He was after that and tried to take it, when he got evicted (I had covered the empty boxes and saw that these had been messed with).

I have no evidence that he took it, of course.

I wondered why he had taken the silver polish - now I know!

Thank you both.

Looks like this week is going to be just as toad infested as last week.

We managed to keep him away and sorted the tree and wood.

We sorted the tiles too. Perfect job.

Now he wants to 'pop in' to help redecorate. I am praying that the decorators come up with a low enough quote that he cannot reasonably reject.

He is enjoying this of course.

I think we have to rethink our strategy.

Just keep batting him away. Like a pesky fly.

So glad you are coping. Xx

I think you may have to extend your non-contact order, Karen. None of his contact now constitutes a necessary discussion re. the house - he's harassing you again.
You are clearly quite able to sort out what needs to be done without his dubious input, so have a little chat with your solicitor about it and maybe get a "cease and desist" letter sent to him.

Agree with Thumbwitch - he is doing it to play with you. If he offers to 'pop in and help' with the decorating, he's seen as a good guy, helpful, reasonable. If he actually gets into the house to do said helpful decorating, he gets to abuse you and frighten you more.

Win-Win for him.

I don't understand how, if there is a No- Contact order in place, he can continue to contact you!

Of course. I do hope that the court is able to see through this. Anyone can say on paper that they are a good guy and helpful.

As one police officer said to me, he's not going to admit to anything when a police officer is standing in front of him, wearing a uniform.

Even though I agreed that he can contact me for work and repairs to the house, he should not be able to continue to threaten me to come and 'help'.

He now refuses to settle finances until he can have access to the children. This will have to end up in court now, as the court would hopefully not make a financial settlement dependant on access?

Anyway, that's just another excuse to refuse to settle.

It's not getting any easier.

Wasn't "the arrest" scheduled for Monday? I have read the whole thread honest but not sure what happened there. Karen I'm pleased the police seem to 'get' just what he's like. I think you are amazing the way you're holding on in there.

So sorry, got confused re the arrest. That's another thread. Please ignore me. The rest stands though.

Random lurker stumbling in to wish you well, Karen. And to say that every time I happen upon your thread, I get a slightly amended version of Philip Larkin's poem Toads in my head.

Why should I let the toad work
Squat on my life?
Can't I use my wit as a pitchfork
And drive the brute off?

Ok, so it's actually about working for a living, but if you cut out the word 'work' from the first line it's surprisingly apt.

I have to admit I envision a real pitchfork instead of a metaphorical one too .

Karen cheering you on, I am baffled at how a paintbrush-wielding obese toad thinks he can decorate better than a proper painter? I'm shuddering at the vision, and he could devalue the house if he's not careful!

Great poem

meant to say, do NOT let him think he can help!!

Great poem Scrambled Thank you.

He is driving me mad: He wants concessions, such as contact with the children without doing anything in return, such as attending parenting classes or the abuser program.

Now that he has messed up mediation - surprise: Toad would like to find a 'new' mediator and start again, avoiding the mistakes that he made in the first round which was tell the mediator the truth about his intentions.

It doesn't quite work like that. This case has now been labelled 'unsuitable for mediation'.

However, Toad has a good idea: No financial settlement until he gets contact with the children. As per Resolution guidelines? I think not.

I shall now get ACAS and the CSA on the case. Have started both off and the CSA are now sending him some information brochures to work, as I haven't got any other address for him.

This is hard work. I am so up and down.

And how can he decorate with all his health conditions? extra space was required to fill it all in in the forms.

Hey, don't stop him, he might fall off the ladder and hurt himself.

On second thoughts, as you were; he'd never be that obliging.

It sounds like you need to set up an automated email reply with the word "No".

Or "I'll think about it and will let you know".

I can think of a few things what I would like my automated reply like to say Lweji.

Or FOTTFSOFAFOSM and let him figure it out.

Automated Email Response:

You have reached the private email address of Karenthetoad slayer.

Please note: The service provider agreement means I can accept one email per day, any additional are automatically removed to the junk folder.

Emails containing more than 100 words are automatically sent to the trash folder.

Please keep to these stringent guidelines if you want a hope in hell of me reading your drivel.

Karen.

[Grin] great ideas.

I just wish I could get some sleep for a change. There is no end of things to worry about.

Ha, love those automated responses!

Do you not have anyone to whom you could forward the emails unopened, and let them open them for you and tell you anything that you actually need to know, ignoring all the rest? I know this is possible - someone else who had a non-mol order against their ex did this when he started sending foul emails - but you need someone willing to accept the emails and read them for you.

Thank you Thumb, I can cope with the emails and it's important that I read them, unfortunately, as I need to know what he is planning.

Also, the sheer amount of them .....

Well it's all fuel when it comes to the court fire, isn't it.
He may be keeping to the letter of the non-contact order, but he's certainly breaching the spirit of it!

I get it.
I used to get really offensive and threatening emails from ex.
I kept them in a folder I'd only look at when I felt strong.

But they have all ended up in the custody process, as well as the police and later the state prosecutor's office.

Each and every email is yet another piece of evidence, Karen. Given enough of them (and I suspect you have already, but the more the better!) then no one will look at the pile of paper containing idiotic, nit-picking rants, threats, demands and other nonsense, without seeing immediately and clearly who and what Toad is.

Yes Lweji 'conduct of the parties' and his attitude and behaviour towards the mother of his children. That's when all these emails will come in useful. He got already ticked off by Social Services.

He wants contact? While he continues to demonstrate this attitude?

Meanwhile he is trying to starve us and get us out if the house again.