Hi Guys I know I am a pain but I am really upset.

[Karenthetoadslayer]

Toad must have broken into the house when we were away and took a large and valuable cutlery set that my parents gave me. Previously I had the set in storage, but I took everything out of storage at the beginning of the year and when we went on holiday, I put valuables in a "secret place" in the house.

I just wanted to put everything back and realised the set is missing. He was after that and tried to take it, when he got evicted (I had covered the empty boxes and saw that these had been messed with).

I have no evidence that he took it, of course.

I wondered why he had taken the silver polish - now I know!

Toad's solicitor is a member of Resolution and this is where I am going to report him. I am having to represent myself, except for the application under the Children's Act, due to lack of funds so I won't have a solicitor to act as a buffer which is going to be extremely stressful.

They are all giving me a hard time now and sooner or later it will have to go back to the court, if they see no sense.

So when do they ever leave you alone? When they find a new woman to abuse?

When they get bored. Possibly when they find a new "victim" but possibly not - the "one that got away" will always be a thorn in the side. I like your idea of going to Germany but suspect that you might have troubles with that on the Hague Convention front :(

They are arses all their lives, but IME it gets better when we disengage.
Stop responding to whatever, particularly when it's backdated, but keep a record in case it goes to court.
As you don't have a solicitor, I'd just tell him it's over for me (or what your terms are) and I'll speak with a judge.
Or he shows some reasonableness.

What happens if you have to go into hospital / A&E and you have no one to look after your kids?

Then SS will step in and sort them out, if you don't have any friends/family who could take them for a bit. If he is on "no contact" with them due to DV etc., it's very very unlikely they'd be placed with him.

Thank you Thumb - my family would obviously come to the rescue, but that would take a minimum of 24 hours. We have a very good friend who would help, but this particular friend spends long periods of the year abroad.

I will have to look into this. Why ever am I stuck abroad with two kids.

It is totally bizarre that it should be so complicated to go back home.

It is not impossible to move abroad, but you might need to show a judge that it would be for the children's best interest.
Or get him to agree to it.

My STBXH had one of those toads in our bedroom in our last place. The cats broke it.

Never mind.

Karen, I've PM'ed you.

WWK

Angry email received from Toad. He copied me in his email to his solicitor and announces he is off to Paris.

Well, Toad, I am not so sure about Paris now. Remember the orders? I think you are off to HMP instead of CDG.

Eh? I mean, I'm thrilled at the idea that he might be doing time at her Maj's pleasure, but why?

He sent me a private email. He is only allowed to contact me for work.

He copied me on an email that he sent to his solicitor about me. It sort of covers every aspect of "harass, pester and threaten". I have a piece of paper that says he is not allowed to do that.

what orders - non mol?
do report

I will speak my solicitor to see what she advises about the most effective way to use this email to our advantage.

I would so love to see him in jail.

what did the police say? About if he were to break it.

Do you know Karen, I know it doesn't seem like it but you are SO FAR past him already. I remember the original thread of having to trot out getting him food he wanted and basically being his skivvy.

Ahhhh I see! Excellent. Yes I do hope your solicitor can see her way clear towards getting him for breach of the non molestation order. :)

I still have the thead, MN kindly sent me a copy at the time as a keepsake.

It took me ages to realise that I did not actually have to be his skivvy. And without MN I would still be there waiting on him hand and foot.

That is a lovely image, Karen. HMP; oh yes please.

We have not decided what to do yet, i.e. how to use his latest misdemeanours to our best advantage. We will see tomorrow.

I'm not a legal expert in UK law (I live in the States) but our general laws are pretty similar. Here, (generally but not always in every state) any property that you inherited either before or during the marriage is your separate property. Again, please check that this is the case in the UK - I just know that US law is based very closely upon UK common law for the most part so I would expect UK law to be very similar on this point.

Ahhh, give a toady enough rope and he will hang himself by his warty blubbery neck :)

We have decided to give him some more rope.

Toaday we have received Toad's schedule of chattels. .

Hysterical doesn't even begin to describe my state of mind.

He has listed each and every teaspoon, washing peg and toothpick. Very good memory for someone who has not been in the house for 9 months.

I am allowed to keep the following, apart from any odd bits and pieces, old furniture and my personal possessions:

• Leftover oils and spices
• Cleaning materials from the utility room
• plastic chopping boards
• my clothes and shoes
• the slow cooker and all cooking equipment to be fair
• Tupperware containers
• Sainsbury's time teaching clock
• tea towels

And so on

He wants the children's train set and racing car sets. Loving father.

Karen, C'mon lovely, you're being a bit mean to the old toad.

All that extra spicy chilli powder you've been hoarding over the years should really be shared out. You know that, don't you?

I suggest adding it liberally to his left behind underwear and of course, please dip every toothpick into the Scottish Bonnet Oil infusion.

You couldn't make it up - no wonder you are angry. What kind of person details children's toys?

Oh, that's right, a complete knob.

I'm pleased to see that you have enough sanity to enjoy the black humour, but still... OMG!!

...shame about the chilli powder getting into everything...

And does he think that cleaning materials you had nine months ago will still be there? Obviously your home cleans itself with fresh air? I love the fact that he lives in his self-made bubble and thinks that detailing these items is remotely sane. I hope it, in a strange way, gives you strength.