Hi Guys I know I am a pain but I am really upset.

[Karenthetoadslayer]

Toad must have broken into the house when we were away and took a large and valuable cutlery set that my parents gave me. Previously I had the set in storage, but I took everything out of storage at the beginning of the year and when we went on holiday, I put valuables in a "secret place" in the house.

I just wanted to put everything back and realised the set is missing. He was after that and tried to take it, when he got evicted (I had covered the empty boxes and saw that these had been messed with).

I have no evidence that he took it, of course.

I wondered why he had taken the silver polish - now I know!

You are protecting your children and it is mystifying to me that an experienced mediator wouldn't recognise that someone like Toad targets his offspring as much as his partner.

What use are presents with strings attached or gifts intended to make up for earlier unpleasantness?

There's something very sad with someone who feels eternal self-righteous indignation and can't see past it.

It is utterly shit to live with.

It's worth calling the police and reporting your property missing because it will help you feel like you've done something to counter him. It may not get your property back but you stand tall and say "I tried".

It may also mean you can claim in on your household insurance? I know it doesn't return something that you valued, but Toad will be furious you've got money without his approval.

Every problem has a possible solution, and solutions that piss them off are just fine sometimes!

He's trying to wear you down, you know that. And who gives a stuff what his solicitor says - he's paid a lot of money to talk a load of shite. Nice work if you can get it. He ain't a judge, so he doesn't get to decide either.

It's yours to fight the long fight - there's a much bigger prize at stake: A life free of him.

Priceless.

Donkeys the mediator has not been involved in the court process and has only recently been hired by Toad to launch a side attack on us that does not involve even his own legal team.

WWK the insurance only pays out cheques in our joint names or one party has to agree that the other party will receive the cheque. Been there, tried that.

he' paid a lot of money to talk a load of shite oh god yes that us so true.

If he is no longer living there, wont they change the contents into your name only? I can see that the buildings insurance would need to be in joint names if you both have a share in the house, but the contents should be insured in the name of the person living there surely?

Sadly I know people like this (although not in this context). The perennially perfect people who do nothing wrong - are kindness to everyone, who portray a confident charmer in public but... to their family? a set of behaviours which are exhausting to deal with, mean, evil and mess with your sanity.

You have my sympathy - are they sad or mad? or both?

This may have been suggested, but could Toad have removed the cutlery only to ask you where it is, or have his lawyer ask where it is? Perhaps then to claim that you must have sold it for cash? Think the unthinkable with this man.

the mediator has not been involved in the court process and has only recently been hired by Toad to launch a side attack on us that does not involve even his own legal team

Oh! Didn't realise that. No wonder he was so dense. Hardly a mediator in the true sense then.

Looks like Toad has now sacked the mediator anyway but who knows. Got a letter from his solicitor yesterday overriding the mediator. I think I will do a bulk reply back to them.

Errr - do you need to reply at all? What did the solicitor's letter say, how was it overriding the mediator?

The solicitor wants to take me to court about contact by day x, if Toad doesn't get to see the children by day x and the mediator offered me day z (6 weeks after day x) to see the children but there is no way he will see them anyway. Do I now have to sort out their communication between them too? Second time they go their wires crossed.

In the meantime Toad has changed the government's redundancy policy.

*got

WA say just to sit there and wait for him to take me to court. Trouble is that he is deducting his legal fees from the asset position and he reckons he may as well waste it all on litigation instead of spending it on the children.

Do you have to respond? Can it not go straight to your solicitor to deal with or are you self-representing?

Oh do tell how he's managed to re-write the govt's redundancy policy - presumably this is to screw you monetarily some more?

Karen, I say again, the man is a fucking lunatic, and a sad pathetic one at that. Of course you must call the police, the house has been burgled and valuable property taken. Wish you could do something about the house contents insurance - do you pay the premiums? Could you afford to take out another policy? In my area the police will attend and give advice on house security and it's possible to obtain improvements to house security at low cost when the occupier does not have a massive income. Anything like that where you are? Sod what his solicitor thinks. Fwiw I had an expensive barrister and he was absolute rubbish. Sorry, rambling a bit, trying to help.
bbf x

He backdated a letter and decided to cut the redundancy notice period short. I have of course got the envelope with the date it was posted. He blatantly sent out a letter on Monday evening and dated it 1st September.

In any event, he is sidelining his solicitor again, who has already agreed notice period etc with his solicitor.

These guys really have a problem with dates. They are changing the goalposts all the time.

• with my solicitor.

He does that every time something gets agreed with the legal teams. He goes off and changes it again.

What a nightmare . Keep your notes up to date and stick to your guns about contact. Although he seems to be losing the plot more and more, don't lose sight of your goal and let him undermine you.

Sending you strength... his lunatic bombardments must get to you.

Karen, if you call the police about the burglary and they actually investigate (and I understand that these days, they quite like you to get involved in the investigation anyway, so you will be able to suggest Toad as a suspect), and it will all be officially documented, and that will be another notch against contact when it comes to Court.

Get cameras and place them strategically about the house, catch him on camera, even if it's just for peeing in a bush or something.

Keep your chin up and shoulders down! You are an amazing woman, and you will get a Toad-free existence and a happy life. It will happen, Karen.

Oh I must be slow on the uptake at the moment: I had seven days to reply to the letter and I thought, oh well that's fine, but it isn't. The seven days expired three days before I received the letter, as the letter is dated 1st September. Never mind he made sure I missed his "deadline" by posting it after the deadline expired. That's me sacked then.

Thank you all.

Went out to buy spaghetti, came back without spaghetti. So much for my state of mind.

I think I must be wrong in the head somehow - I find this recent exchange almost funny - because all these 'actions' somehow always backfire on them.

My solicitor sent him a letter saying he had seven days to reply to our final request to complete Form E or we'd take it to court.

He wrote back saying that her response times to his letters took a least thirteen days so she was behaving unfairly.

I giggled.

He then wrote back (the same night) that after careful consideration, he didn't feel it was necessary that he complete a Form E, and that he would increase the SM by 100 pounds a month, but include a review of my spending before the fourth and final month.

We took him to court. The rest is history.

Dear Toad,

Thank you for your letter dated 1st September, which was received by me on the 10th of September, demanding I accept your offer on the 8th of September.

As you know, I am a remarkable woman, but I have yet to master the finer details of time travel.

As and when I do, I'll be sure to write to you to inform you, that I have turned back time and walked away from you from the very day I met you, solving all your current problems in an instant.

Until then,

I remain tormentingly yours.

Karen.

Don't legal letters demanding a reply within x no of days go by the postmark? I'm sure you can ignore the date on the actual letter.

He really is a Toad.

Yep, He is a Toad. I replied explaining all of the above and informed him that we both have instructed our legal teams and currently offers were being exchanged.

immediate reply from Toad: Apologetic and loving and undersigning with "warm regards". Oh Toad, I so wished for rekindling our romance. "It would be beneficial for both of us to get back in touch."

Please WWK I am sure you can write something reallygood!

"It would be beneficial for both of us to get back in touch."

Dear Toad,

I concur. Providing you able to agree to the condition below, I will agree to submit myself to the benefits:

You stop deciding what's benefits me.

Karen.

Only without the glaring grammatical error obviously