Hi Guys I know I am a pain but I am really upset.

[Karenthetoadslayer]

Toad must have broken into the house when we were away and took a large and valuable cutlery set that my parents gave me. Previously I had the set in storage, but I took everything out of storage at the beginning of the year and when we went on holiday, I put valuables in a "secret place" in the house.

I just wanted to put everything back and realised the set is missing. He was after that and tried to take it, when he got evicted (I had covered the empty boxes and saw that these had been messed with).

I have no evidence that he took it, of course.

I wondered why he had taken the silver polish - now I know!

OMG. Fucker.

Just when you think he has sunk to an all time low, Toad surpasses himself.
The children's toys?!

Have you put the stuff he took on the list?

He's a disgusting specimen of humanity. What the hell is he playing at? Does he want the toys for himself? Is he even pretending to have a reason to deprive the children of their toys?

Sick fuckrr...

"It has become a hobby to play with DS's train set and the children's racing cars" .

I know. I am not upset that he wants to take all my stuff and tries to bankrupt me and all that out of spite, but I had hoped he would stop when it comes to the children. But why did I even think that.

I have a hobby too. Collecting incident numbers.

I think his attitude, particularly in relation to the children only shows him for what he is.
Start on the list. Tick the items you accept, cross those you don't and tell him to go to court if he doesn't agree.

"It has become a hobby to play with DS's train set and the children's racing cars" .

I may have said this before, but I'll say it again... Sick fucker.

It's almost worth going to court and have a judge look at that sentence and see what the judge says / or facial expression... The toad is so far up his own arse that he thinks anyone would nod and say yes, thats only fair, rip the toys off the children and give them to the grown man in the corner. Freak. Ahem...

It is galling, I know, love.

But you keep hoovering up the shit, because he's going to take this all the way.

And I learnt today, that all the way means somethings that were previously 'without prejudice' loses the privilege.

Keep practising them lasso skills.

And hugs, because it really is totally unpleasant.

Good God, what an utter prick he is.

Have you reported the break in and the loss of the silver cutlery to the police now, Karen? Is that the incident number to which you are referring? (Or one of them at least)

Keep on keeping on - he's really showing his true colours now, wanting to even rob the children of their toys! etc. etc.

Thank you all

It does't matter if this is w/o prejudice. My own correspondence is not.

He wants contact with the children? I can't keep it a secret from the children that their father wants to remove their toys.

Keep posting and taking strength from the support. I am still 'OMG' about his latest targets. Never mind that his divorce-convenient hobby could probably be re-stocked from any toy store, the principle of his demands is utterly shocking.

Use you instincts with your DCs. You are their guide through all of this and don't feel you have to do the 'right thing'. Do what is best for them (and for you) and start to plan for coming out the other side of this. They will need you and your honesty. Its the lies that mess them up.

Their father is an arse and you remain the anchor in their lives. Be prejudiced for them.

He is even more of a prized wanker because all he had to do would be to claim he needed some toys for when the children visited.

Seriously, refer to a judge.

And return the list with little notes like: nice try, are you 8?, ok if you want your children to hate you, are you that skint (autocorrect thinks it should be slimy - I agree)

I'd add one item and say no to the rest.
Item: trash can.

And he's going to keep all the oils, spices, teaspoons, train set, racing cars etc in his hotel room?

How did the train set and raving cars become a hobby if they are in the house he has not been allowed into for 9 months??

Arse. With this bit of rope, sir, you shall hang yourself.

He must be a cane toad

He's a wart-toad (like a warthog, but fatter and toadier)

He has a hobby? This of course trumps his own children's need for toys.

Toys are not necessary, Hobbies need fulfilling, your honour.

I have now received Toad's schedule of chattels as a spread sheet to comment on.

I don't think I have been more fed up in my life, ever with this disgusting bastard.

He must have photographed absolutely everything before he "left". He wants to come and take another look, in case he has missed something, but concedes he will have to be supervised. I fucking think so. For example, by our community PC.

We can keep all the old, worn, broken, tired items of course. In any event, he has already taken most of the furniture anyway.

Gah! It makes my blood boil, and this isn't happening to me.

I have absolutely no idea what can be done about this.

In the 'divorce' book I have (for extreme measures when divvying up furniture), you each take it in turns to put a sticker on the furniture and it gets allocated that way.

So I start by putting on a 'red' sticker on the TV, he follows by putting a 'yellow' sticker on the coffee table, I put a 'red' sticker on the bedroom wardrobe etc.

But, I really don't know what can be done in your situation. Especially, as he's living in a hotel and so has no real immediate need, aside from deferring this.

A spreadsheet is useful.
You can copy "FOTTFSOFAFOSM" and put it in front of every item that you don't want to throw away.

More seriously, add on everything he has already taken and claim all the rest. The children need it.

Or tell him to ask a judge, then sit and wait.

I have just received another email from him. Looks like he is sitting in said hotel room and getting pissed.

The list of chattels is still to be negotiated, but it is hard to get things back that have already been removed.

I can see this going back to court ASAP.

He signed the undertakings to do me a favour. Sure.

We are trying to get a settlement and therefore we are trying really hard not to have him arrested now.

Like we said. He lives in a different world.

That was what I meant. You can't get back things he has taken, but they exist and were part of the joint stuff.

Some things are personal. For example, gifts that the children have received are not yours or his, but theirs. As well as your personal items and gifts to you.

So, I would add to his list what he has already taken, remove all the personal stuff.
At some point it is better to defer to a neutral authority. A court may be less stressful than dealing with this stuff.

In any case, I would recommend doing what I did (I think I took the idea from here).
Automatically move his emails to a separate folder (preferably one so down on the list of email folders that you don't actually see it - or hide it) and only check those emails when you have the patience for that.

But if he's not to contact you directly, I wouldn't reply to him about this, but would remind him that he's not supposed to and that his next email will be copied to the police. I wonder if you not reporting his contact, or entering a dialogue won't invalidate whatever orders are in place.

No, I am not responding to his emails, that would just escalate and would be considered entrapment.

His emails are coming into a separate email account and I suppose I shouldn't have opened it on a Friday night. Last week the same thing happened, but I did not see the email until Monday.

He seems to think he can now contact me directly, because I am self representing. We have to put him straight on this. I will leave it for now and see what my solicitor who is not instructed will advise on Monday.

Big mistake to open this email.

He will never see that he has done anything wrong.

He will never let us go.

DS is now scared to go across the hallway on his own.

Yeah, what is it about Friday nights?

Actually, daft question I can answer that all by myself!

But are you finding, that even if you don't read it (because you know what effect it will have) the fact that it is there at all, is all it takes to ruin the weekend?

So you might as well open it, because otherwise, it'll just ruin the next week?

The only thing that changed for me personally was when STBXH decided not to cc me into 'his verbosity that was his rantings in the written form' that I asked my SHL to only forward them to me on Monday or a Wednesday so that my start of the week was protected, as was my end of the week.

Not sure that that helps you, though, Karen!