Views needed on argument with my boyfriend...

[dragonflyballoon]

I'm in the middle of an argument with my boyfriend.

We have been together for just under 5 months.

This weekend he went away, out of town, on a long standing plan to visit some friends. I stayed home.

Prior to meeting my boyfriend I was a single parent for 3 years following my divorce from exDH and have 2 children. Whilst I was single, I found a local support group for single parents that I used to attend regularly for things like picnics , days out etc. I have continued to attend activities since I have started dating my new boyfriend as I still consider myself to be a singe parent if that makes sense and have made friends with the group.

Today I went to a picnic at a local park with the group. I had completely forgotten to mention this to my new boyfriend. However when I told him this this evening he got very annoyed that I hadn't told him, didn't understand why I was going there as I'm not "single anymore" and interrogated about all the men that were going. He said that he has a male friend who goes to the group who told him that it is used as a single parent dating thing (something that I have never been aware of). I told him I go to meet up and chat with my female single parent friends and for my children to play with their friends.

He got quite loud (i.e. quite shouty - though he denied this). I told him that it sounded like he didn't trust me and I didn't like the idea that I should need to tell him my whereabouts etc. He said he did trust me, just that he was upset because he has heard rumours about the integrity of some of the men that go to these things and that he is hurt because he doesn't consider me to be single anymore.

Is he being really out of order or can others see where he is coming from?

Bear with me while I sort this out in my head. It helps writing it out.

Today has been a bit shit. Am exhausted anyway due to a lateish night and early morning. Have just come back from taking the kids out. Been feeling quite low and have been missing him. Just beating myself up about stuff and generally feeling a bit bored, he seems to have filled a crutch over the last few months in that he was always available to chat and lift my spirits a bit when I'm feeling down. Obviously I can't ring him up now. Not saying that I will ring him up or change my mind, still believe I've done the right thing but just feeling a bit down in the dumps and miss his company.

That's what friends are for, dragon. And MN :)

keep talking to us love, everything you're feeling is absolutely normal. it does get easier.

Only read the/your 1st post.

Ever heard of "I trust you, it's (insert whomever they don't want you around) (ie. female friends,men,family etc) I don't trust"

That is a classic line from an abusive/possessive partner to guilt you into isolating yourself!

I feel a mixture of triumph for giving him the boot and feel like I've finally validated my underlying concerns about him and sadness that it the nice bits of the relationship are over.

I am meeting him tomorrow to handover each others stuff. Hopefully it won't be too emotional and difficult. After that I can finally draw a line underneath it all as I know that I will never see him again.

Just caught up with your thread. Good luck with the handover. Hope it's in a public enough place. I would try to keep it short and quite business-like.

I hope you're feeling empowered. Delighted you saw this so early and got out.

We are meeting up in about an hour to hand over the stuff. Was thinking of asking if we could do it another day as have had a horrendous day - looking after a toddler while revising for an important exam this week. My nerves are shot as it is. But I thought, fuck it, lets get this over and done with.

Stay strong and DO NOT ENGAGE with him. Hope you are meeting in a public place. The spirit of MN goes with you. Keep repeating: this man is abusive. This man is abusive. This man is abusive.

Dragon, just hand over/ take your stuff and walk away. If he tries to engage, just say 'headache and stuff to do, must dash. Bye'.

are you ok dragonfly?

Are you ok?

Just to let you know I am OK and the handover went fine :)

excellent. :)

Phew, this whole thread could be printed out and used as an example of how to spot an abusive man, for freedom groups etc. So relieved you didn't fall for it Dragonfly ( great name ) and think all you MN posters are amazing.

That's great!

That is good news indeed. Delighted to hear it.

Excellent news!

Onwards and upwards! Next time you know, no more benefit of the doubt or second chances, just ditch and move on.

Well done, you.

Great to hear the handover went fine, and that you are ok. I hope he has not managed to make you doubt your decision.

I know this is a zombie thread but I am really hoping that @dragonflyballoon is doing well. 🤞🏻

Run