Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Original poster

Views needed on argument with my boyfriend...

246 replies

dragonflyballoon · 07/09/2014 20:29

I'm in the middle of an argument with my boyfriend.

We have been together for just under 5 months.

This weekend he went away, out of town, on a long standing plan to visit some friends. I stayed home.

Prior to meeting my boyfriend I was a single parent for 3 years following my divorce from exDH and have 2 children. Whilst I was single, I found a local support group for single parents that I used to attend regularly for things like picnics , days out etc. I have continued to attend activities since I have started dating my new boyfriend as I still consider myself to be a singe parent if that makes sense and have made friends with the group.

Today I went to a picnic at a local park with the group. I had completely forgotten to mention this to my new boyfriend. However when I told him this this evening he got very annoyed that I hadn't told him, didn't understand why I was going there as I'm not "single anymore" and interrogated about all the men that were going. He said that he has a male friend who goes to the group who told him that it is used as a single parent dating thing (something that I have never been aware of). I told him I go to meet up and chat with my female single parent friends and for my children to play with their friends.

He got quite loud (i.e. quite shouty - though he denied this). I told him that it sounded like he didn't trust me and I didn't like the idea that I should need to tell him my whereabouts etc. He said he did trust me, just that he was upset because he has heard rumours about the integrity of some of the men that go to these things and that he is hurt because he doesn't consider me to be single anymore.

Is he being really out of order or can others see where he is coming from?

OP posts:

Itsfab · 07/09/2014 20:55

Prepare to be controlled some more in the future if you stay with this wanker.

You are still a single parent as he isn't parenting with you is he?

Badvoc123 · 07/09/2014 20:55

Wow.
Run.
Fast.

rainbowinmyroom · 07/09/2014 20:55

Get him away from your kids, too.

pictish · 07/09/2014 20:57

Ack! Five months in and he's telling you what to do, and lying about it in order to get his way. He has no friend in that group. he hasn't even got a friend that's got a friend in that group.
He's just a possessive angry lying fuck face.
You know what to do!

Tallypet · 07/09/2014 21:00

In my experience (not stereotyping) but when one party starts accusing the other of 'untrustworthy' behaviour means they themselves are engaging in such behaviour. Basically accusing you of cheating because he did.

You've been together not even 5 months. Honestly if this was me, I'd leave him. He's already controlling you. It will get worse. He sounds like a bloody child.

Quite simply, you ARE a single parent. He has no say in your kids and is a guest in your family (guest because he's been there for a short while). I don't know who he thinks he is telling you what you can and can not do.

You have two kids. Ask him to leave now.

Original poster

dragonflyballoon · 07/09/2014 21:03

I know he does have a friend who attended the group because I've met him about twice. This reminds me that my boyfriend actually once snapped at me for innocuously asking after him. He told me that "I was obsessed with him" and am always asking about him - I wasn't I was just making conversation. He asked me if I "liked" him.

He has shown jealous behaviour before - I once turned up at his house and he immediately told me that I smelt of "bloke" I had been with the kids all day, had showered just before I got to his.

I really like him though. He is in many ways lovely, he has been very supportive to me since I met him with some issues I've had at work and with elderly, unwell relatives. But every now and again this controlling, jealous side comes out.

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 07/09/2014 21:04

Run for the Hills

pictish · 07/09/2014 21:09

The controlling, jealous side will become more and more apparent, but by then, he'll have you feeling obligated and scared, and probably feeling sorry for him as well. So you'll put up with it and your life will be horrible.
Or you know...you could avoid that by getting well rid.

Vivacia · 07/09/2014 21:10

You're going to stay with him aren't you?

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 07/09/2014 21:11

Smelling of bloke - so he's accused you of cheating, straight out like that?

What an insult. He's jealous of you having friends. Does he insist on collecting you after nights out?

rainbowinmyroom · 07/09/2014 21:13

This man is BAD NEWS. Very, very BAD NEWS.

Every now and again? And you've been together five months? In addition to his other head fucking with you. This should be NEVER.

This is not enough. You and your kids deserve more.

Move on. There should be NO possessive, controlling behaviour like this.

Inertia · 07/09/2014 21:13

He's jealous, paranoid and controlling. Never a good look for a boyfriend.

tethersend · 07/09/2014 21:16

More red flags than Lenin spelling out "Run away, he's a cunt" in Semaphore.

NoWayYesWay · 07/09/2014 21:19

LTB, sorry but 'he's really nice when he is not being a controlling, jealous nasty piece of work' just doesn't cut it for me.

This is one of those times when you have to make a sensible decision. You have to really think about what he has done and what it means he may do in future. People don't tend to grow out of being twunts.

magoria · 07/09/2014 21:21

You have several choices.

You lay it on the line that this stops NOW or next time you dump him.

You dump a bloke who in 5 months accuses you of having cheated, accuses you of having the standards of someone who goes to meets to get off with others, tries to tell you if you can go to these things, insists that he has a right to know, monitor and from the sounds of it veto your movements.

People think that other people have the same morals, standards and behaviours that they do. A liar thinks you will lie, a thief thinks you will steal and a cheating rat...

Personally I think at 5 months if he is showing this attitude you should get out now and not look back.

Hissy · 07/09/2014 21:21

the 'nice' bit that you've latched onto?

smoke and mirrors. sorry.

the longer you know this deeply abusive man, the less and less nice you'll see.

normally it takes a YEAR before you see this level of shite, 2 years before they start accusing you of infidelity out and out.

this man WILL go on to be violent, and is dangerous to you and your children.

end it. now. he is not your owner.

RedRoom · 07/09/2014 21:23

God almighty. Get rid. He treats you like something he owns and gets angry if you aren't behaving exactly as he wants. He can smell 'bloke' on you?! Tell him that there are thousands upon thousands of men who can't be trusted, but you can, so what is he going to do about that? Stop you meeting any men at all in case you find yourself utterly incapable of having your own mind or any control over being a cheat?

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 07/09/2014 21:23

He's not lovely. Wake up, or sleepwalk into a very horrible relationship.

Vitalstatistix · 07/09/2014 21:24

yeah, the controlling, jealous 'side' only comes out every now and again because you've only been dating him for 5 months.

He is showing you who he is. You would be wise to listen.

What you see glimpses of now, at this early stage, while he's still trying to impress you and reel you in? That's him.

Joysmum · 07/09/2014 21:25

If he's this weird, possessive and controlling when you are just 5 months in and not 'partners' I think it'll get a whole lot worse if you become more committed to him.

Please be very careful and rethink your future.

Hassled · 07/09/2014 21:26

"More red flags than Lenin spelling out "Run away, he's a cunt" in Semaphore" :o :o

Tethers is absolutely right - this is not a nice guy. You need to dump him.

Cabrinha · 07/09/2014 21:30

He accused you of cheating and you just let that lie? FFS woman, don't take that! Smelling of bloke?!!
And that's even before this crap about you being out with friends at this group.

Only1scoop · 07/09/2014 21:31

Smelling of 'bloke'

Eeeeuuuuu

QuietNinjaTardis · 07/09/2014 21:37

Seriously that lovely side will not last long. Listen to those of us who have been there, done that, got the bruises and mental scars. This is a huge red flag. Please please dump him.

MrsCosmopilite · 07/09/2014 21:41

He's extremely out of order. Five months in and he's being this controlling? Nope. Get rid.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Swipe left for the next trending thread